I’ve got an idea for a buddy cop movie and I’m looking for financial backing. It’s going to star Wings Hauser and Tim Thomerson.
I think I’ll be able to whip out the script this weekend because I’m going to rent Lethal Weapon 1 through 7 and pretty much just rip them off. The only unique twist to my version will be that there will be no Danny Glover part. It’ll pretty much be two Mel Gibson’s. Or maybe a Mel Gibson and a Howlin’ Mad Murdock. Whatever you call it both characters will pretty much be fuck ups.
At least one of them will be a raging alcoholic. At least one of them will be a degenerate gambler. Of course they’ll both need to be divorced since they are cops.
They won’t be corrupt cops…. I’m saving that role for James Woods. I don’t really like him (actually I think he’s a big dick), but I feel bad for him financially since he’s a bad poker player with a fine looking 20 year old girlfriend. So if he runs out of cash his only source of poontang will end up coming from blowing guys for money so he can pay for tranny hookers. Even James Woods doesn’t deserve that fate.
Nick Nolte will play their Sergeant. Or maybe he’ll play the villain. Or maybe he’ll play a tranny hooker? Not sure about him yet.
Also I want to reprise the character of James Rockford so if James Gardner is still alive he’ll have a role. I’m sure he’ll be a train wreck trying to play Rockford at the ripe old age of 90 (or whatever he is) but it’ll probably be the only way I’ll get to use the Rockford Files theme song as the theme song for my movie. And that is my main goal.
After the first movie, I’ll have a sequel that has our heroes going to jail (wrongly imprisoned of course). That will feature a whole new cast of zany characters and also a lot of anal rape.
So that’s about it. If you have any cash and are looking for an investment opportunity let me know.
-David
PS: All kidding aside I really do wish Wings and Tim would get more work. They are fucking studs.
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3 comments:
I would totally see the movie. But I think you should concentrate somewhat on the sountrack as well. The only problem is that I think Thomerson might be as old as James Garner. Wings has been getting a lot of "legitimate" work lately. I feel like he's gone "Uptown."
Was that a joke about James Woods being a big dick? He's rumored to have the biggest dick in Hollywood.
I was unaware that James Woods was "packin'". So no, it was not a joke. Looking at his girlfriend, though, maybe that makes sense. Between what money he has left and a huge dong I guess maybe he could score a piece of ass that is 1/3 his age.
I still think he's a dick (meaning 'asshole' in this case).
I believe we saw "Vampires" in Boardman with James Woods and Steven Baldwin. JW was a dick in that movie. Didn't he kill Sheryl Lee (i.e. Laura Palmer)? That makes him a dick in my book.
Feel free to accuse me of lying if my recollection does not match yours. I'm trying not to get to specific on my memories anymore.
"I like to think of things the way I remembered them, not necessarily the way they happened..."
I think Bill Pullman said something to that effect in "Lost Highway." You may remember him as Balthazar Getty.
As far as the movie, if you get off the ground with this one, I will hock my PS3, which is pretty much my most viable asset right now, and load in.
Bud
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