Before I get into this deal, let me give you a disclaimer: I know I’m about to sound like I’m 80+ years old. You don’t have to point that out to me. I get it.
I’m convinced that cell phones will be the downfall of our modern day society. They are removing vibrant, personal interaction and replacing it with a cold, sanitary form of communication.
I give you exhibit #2 (#1 will come later). Yesterday evening, my daughter and I were running errands after school/work and decided, in an effort to save time, we would eat a nutritious dinner at McDonalds. NOTE: This marks the 3rd time I’ve eaten fast food in the last month (way above my average) and the 2nd time of those 3 that I’ve had RAGING diarrhea afterwards. Coincidence?
Anyhow, as we were sitting there, letting the food slide down our throats after only 1 or 2 bites (wonderful technology McDonalds has… pre-digested food that dissolves on contact with saliva), when a cool, edgy group of teenagers came in. They were all “punks” as evidenced by their skin tight pants, studded belts, Misfits T-shirts, and temporary hair dye. Although, a couple of them had extra makeup on so maybe they were goth punks or emo punks or some subdivision of punks. They were WAY cool, though, trust me on that one.
So these young hipsters invaded the McDonalds in full force. There were like eight of them at least. Of that four of them were either talking or texting on cell phones. Since they were in communication with someone other than the other seven people they were with, those four were off in their own little world, not paying attention to their surroundings or much of anything other than that little plastic devil box.
The four poor bastards whose parents apparently wouldn’t let them have a cell phone, were also not talking to each other. They were just staring off into space like they were zombies. Zombies who were cursing their parents somewhere deep in the pit of their dark, black hearts… “Why won’t you buy me a cell phone, Dad? Punky Johnny has one? That girl with the pancake makeup, fake eyelashes, and a streak of pale green in her hair has one? You know, the one with ultra pale skin and a bunch of zits? Why are you such a dick, Dad?”
With eerie silence this pack of undead robots shuffled through the restaurant. They milled about aimlessly for a few moments. How did they know where and when to move without any verbal communication? Was it telepathy? Is it just a herd instinct? Fascinating.
Eventually they moved over to the line and queued up. If they had any emotion I’m sure they would have been all giddy and eager with anticipation at the feast they were about to consume. But there is no room for emotion, evidently, when you are tapping away at that fucking little keypad trying to make any kind of sense out of one letter words.
Let’s move to Exhibit #1. I was at a bar in Santa Monica last June with my brother in law. We were drinking whisky, singing karaoke, and generally have a good old time. I looked over at a table of four dudes in their mid to late twenties. Two of the dudes had their faces buried in their cell phones, texting to god knows who. The other two, were just staring off into space. Again, zombies. This went on for at least 5 minutes. Literally nothing changed for 5 minutes. Two of them texted and two of them stared of into space. Not one word was spoken during that time.
I began to shout at them with my mind. “Who the FUCK are you texting? You’re at a bar! Either text them to come to the bar or go see them and talk to them in person! If you’re going to be at the bar, have a good time at the fucking bar with the people you are with! You are SO FUCKING rude! If I was in your party I would slam that phone out of your hand, bring my heel down on it and smash it into hundreds of tiny pieces which I would proceed to shove up your ass one by one.”
I just don’t get it. If you are going to go out with your friends, shouldn’t you hang out with the friends you are with? If you want to hang out with someone else, then go hang out with them and see these people later. The zombies that hang out with them are just as bad because they just sit back and take that disrespect. They must have the lowest self esteem on Earth to be content to sit next to a person while he or she has a great time engaging in a trivial conversation with someone else. To me it would be akin to me sitting in bed, naked, with my naked wife, while another dude proceeds to jump on top of her and screw her brains out while I just sit there and stare about the room like nothing is going on.
If we continue down this road, we’ll evolve into creatures that don’t have mouths or ears anymore. Let me tell you, go ahead and Photoshop some hot model by removing her/his ears and mouth? Not too sexy. In addition to this undesirable physical modification, we apparently are also moving towards a two caste system of the privileged and non-privileged. The privileged (let’s call them Textors) will have a bunch of contacts that they can text at any hour of the day and night. The non-privileged (let’s call them Bitches) will be troglodytes that have no other friends and therefore must hang out with the privileged, who allow them to tag along sort of like obedient dogs.
That is not a society that I want to be involved with. So if some day, while you are texting your buddy, if someone starts to shriek and slaps your cell phone out of your hand (and maybe shoves the pieces up your ass)… that’s me.
You are forewarned.
-David
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Did you watch the debate tonight?
John McCain is a fucking idiot. Fucking diarrhea mouth old coot.
-David
-David
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Foreign Affairs
Coming off the presidential debate last night I am again reminded how much my own beliefs on foreign policy differ from just about any mainstream politician.
Before I go into more details, though, I want to tell you that what you are about to read is me being serious. You might thing, “Aw, that’s just David being an crazy asshole again as is his style”. But, no, this is really how I feel (this time!)
You see, I’m an isolationist. I truly believe that our foreign policy should be to bring home every troup that is currently anywhere on foreign soil. Immediately.
With our troops back home safe, we can then go about fixing our own country. We can downsize our military and use the savings from not waging wars and keeping such a large killing machine to provide healthcare, care for the retired and elderly, and trying to improve our education system so we don’t create so many idiots.
And when someone knocks on our door to tell us that they are being invaded or that their dictator is abusing them, my answer would be simple: deal with it yourself.
I’m a big fan of survival of the fittest. If someone is bullying you, beat the shit out of them. If you can’t, then die. This obviously presents some moral issues, I suppose. With this policy, certain countries will be wiped off the map and maybe even entire populations. With us being such a big super power, people will question whether we have a moral obligation to protect those who are less fortunate or powerful.
To that I say, no, we have no such responsibility. A lot of people might and will die if we don’t help them, but that’s okay. If they were stronger, they would live. Since they aren’t they will die. It’s the natural order of things. When you help the weak survive, you bring down the strength of the greater entity. Helping the weak is not the natural order of things.
You might object and say that my attitude is wrong because compassion is what separates us from animals. I would counter by saying who ever said we were anything but animals?
But David, with your shit attitude towards the rest world the Russians would overrun the Georgians? Oh well.
But David, the poor people of Iraq would not get the “American style” freedom that we know they want! Oh well.
But David, what about the Palestinians? They might wipe the Jewish people right off the face of the Middle East. Oh well.
I don’t care. This is not my concern. My concern is the welfare of my fellow Americans. If those people want to come over and join us, that’s cool. Let’s make them American citizens and then protect them over here. But if they want to stay where they are, I suggest they learn to fight.
Needless to say, neither of the 2 party candidates share my belief which is not surprising. In fact, no President will ever share my belief because to be President, you have to be kind of plain and vanilla. But that’s okay, because the one thing I have as a citizen of this country (that we should worry about taking care of more, rather than police forcing the world) is my freedom to think and say whatever I want. You can and will never take that away from me.
Oh, and to those of you who would tell me that we are trying to protect the freedoms I love by keeping the fight against terrorism back at its source I would tell you: Grow up. Don’t be such a fool. None of this bullshit is really about protecting anyones freedom… except maybe the freedom to make a fuckload of money.
And to those of you who think we will leave ourselves exposed to attack on our soil if we’re not out and about in the world bullying people around I would tell you about the other part of my other policy. And if you thought I was an insensitive prick for what I already wrote you’re really going to love this part! If at anytime anyone invades my nation’s soil, I will blow them off the face of the earth; Their entire country and everyone in it. I will bring down hell upon their land to the extent that nothing will ever be able to live there for eons to come. So don’t even think of fucking with my country. We’re going to leave all you bozos alone and I expect the same courtesy. And if a terrorist attacks (rather than a country), I will find out which country they are operating out of and I will decimate that country, killing every living being within it. So in addition to not fucking with us, you’d better keep an eye out for who is living in your country and potentially fucking with us because you will be held accountable.
Am I a prick? For sure. But that is how I feel. I suppose you can take relief in the fact that I never will be President!
Other random thoughts:
I think I have to give the “win” in the debate last night to Obama. That’s not because I thought he kicked McCain’s ass because I thought it was fairly close. I say that because it would seem that McCain should have whipped Obama in this debate but he didn’t. That’s probably going to be a problem for McCain because Obama will now just get stronger from here on out. Certainly that will be true after Biden completely embarassasses Palin in the VP debate next week. That’s going to be the funniest show I’ve seen in a long time. I just wish the VP candidates could also debate the Presidential candidates because it would be funny to see Obama also whip up on Palin and then Biden beat the holy shit out of McCain. Oh well.
I will give both candidates credit for basically answering all the questions. For the most part, neither of them pulled the classic politician move by providing an answer to a completely different question. Obama did that to some extent in the beginning of some of this answers, but he did always come back and answer the original question in the end.
I’m am now officially worried about the Steelers defense. With Kiesel out and Hampton out we are down to 1 starter on the D-Line. I think they can still win games like this (in the short term), but if we have any other injury on D at this point on the line or in the starting secondary, I think we will collapse.
I’m not worried about the offense yet, though, because I still can’t figure out what the hell happened in the Philly game. I’ve read articles that it was a coaching issue (not making adjustments) and a bit of an execution issue (everyone not on the same page with adjustments) and I suppose that makes sense. If that is the case, they should be able to overcome that immediately. But if that is not true, I fear Roethlisberger could be killed on Monday night against the Ravens as he’s sacked 20 times. It will be interesting to see which Steelers offense takes the field on Monday night.
-David
Before I go into more details, though, I want to tell you that what you are about to read is me being serious. You might thing, “Aw, that’s just David being an crazy asshole again as is his style”. But, no, this is really how I feel (this time!)
You see, I’m an isolationist. I truly believe that our foreign policy should be to bring home every troup that is currently anywhere on foreign soil. Immediately.
With our troops back home safe, we can then go about fixing our own country. We can downsize our military and use the savings from not waging wars and keeping such a large killing machine to provide healthcare, care for the retired and elderly, and trying to improve our education system so we don’t create so many idiots.
And when someone knocks on our door to tell us that they are being invaded or that their dictator is abusing them, my answer would be simple: deal with it yourself.
I’m a big fan of survival of the fittest. If someone is bullying you, beat the shit out of them. If you can’t, then die. This obviously presents some moral issues, I suppose. With this policy, certain countries will be wiped off the map and maybe even entire populations. With us being such a big super power, people will question whether we have a moral obligation to protect those who are less fortunate or powerful.
To that I say, no, we have no such responsibility. A lot of people might and will die if we don’t help them, but that’s okay. If they were stronger, they would live. Since they aren’t they will die. It’s the natural order of things. When you help the weak survive, you bring down the strength of the greater entity. Helping the weak is not the natural order of things.
You might object and say that my attitude is wrong because compassion is what separates us from animals. I would counter by saying who ever said we were anything but animals?
But David, with your shit attitude towards the rest world the Russians would overrun the Georgians? Oh well.
But David, the poor people of Iraq would not get the “American style” freedom that we know they want! Oh well.
But David, what about the Palestinians? They might wipe the Jewish people right off the face of the Middle East. Oh well.
I don’t care. This is not my concern. My concern is the welfare of my fellow Americans. If those people want to come over and join us, that’s cool. Let’s make them American citizens and then protect them over here. But if they want to stay where they are, I suggest they learn to fight.
Needless to say, neither of the 2 party candidates share my belief which is not surprising. In fact, no President will ever share my belief because to be President, you have to be kind of plain and vanilla. But that’s okay, because the one thing I have as a citizen of this country (that we should worry about taking care of more, rather than police forcing the world) is my freedom to think and say whatever I want. You can and will never take that away from me.
Oh, and to those of you who would tell me that we are trying to protect the freedoms I love by keeping the fight against terrorism back at its source I would tell you: Grow up. Don’t be such a fool. None of this bullshit is really about protecting anyones freedom… except maybe the freedom to make a fuckload of money.
And to those of you who think we will leave ourselves exposed to attack on our soil if we’re not out and about in the world bullying people around I would tell you about the other part of my other policy. And if you thought I was an insensitive prick for what I already wrote you’re really going to love this part! If at anytime anyone invades my nation’s soil, I will blow them off the face of the earth; Their entire country and everyone in it. I will bring down hell upon their land to the extent that nothing will ever be able to live there for eons to come. So don’t even think of fucking with my country. We’re going to leave all you bozos alone and I expect the same courtesy. And if a terrorist attacks (rather than a country), I will find out which country they are operating out of and I will decimate that country, killing every living being within it. So in addition to not fucking with us, you’d better keep an eye out for who is living in your country and potentially fucking with us because you will be held accountable.
Am I a prick? For sure. But that is how I feel. I suppose you can take relief in the fact that I never will be President!
Other random thoughts:
I think I have to give the “win” in the debate last night to Obama. That’s not because I thought he kicked McCain’s ass because I thought it was fairly close. I say that because it would seem that McCain should have whipped Obama in this debate but he didn’t. That’s probably going to be a problem for McCain because Obama will now just get stronger from here on out. Certainly that will be true after Biden completely embarassasses Palin in the VP debate next week. That’s going to be the funniest show I’ve seen in a long time. I just wish the VP candidates could also debate the Presidential candidates because it would be funny to see Obama also whip up on Palin and then Biden beat the holy shit out of McCain. Oh well.
I will give both candidates credit for basically answering all the questions. For the most part, neither of them pulled the classic politician move by providing an answer to a completely different question. Obama did that to some extent in the beginning of some of this answers, but he did always come back and answer the original question in the end.
I’m am now officially worried about the Steelers defense. With Kiesel out and Hampton out we are down to 1 starter on the D-Line. I think they can still win games like this (in the short term), but if we have any other injury on D at this point on the line or in the starting secondary, I think we will collapse.
I’m not worried about the offense yet, though, because I still can’t figure out what the hell happened in the Philly game. I’ve read articles that it was a coaching issue (not making adjustments) and a bit of an execution issue (everyone not on the same page with adjustments) and I suppose that makes sense. If that is the case, they should be able to overcome that immediately. But if that is not true, I fear Roethlisberger could be killed on Monday night against the Ravens as he’s sacked 20 times. It will be interesting to see which Steelers offense takes the field on Monday night.
-David
Friday, September 5, 2008
Random Thoughts
Random thoughts going into the 2008 NFL season:
The defending Superbowl Champion New York Giants will finish no better than 3rd in the NFC East (and miss the playoffs).
Brett Favre will help the Jets and get them to respectability this year (not quite to the playoffs, but close).
The Jacksonville Jaguars will win the AFC South.
The Pittsburgh Steelers will go 11-5 and win the AFC North.
The Cincinnatti Bengals will go 2-14 and Marvin Lewis will still not be fired.
7-9 will win the NFC West (the Cardinals or Rams, if anyone cares).
Santonio Holmes will statistically be the best WR in the NFL.
Satan will come to claim the soul of Bill Belifuck and his bitch, Tom Brady.
The Cleveland Browns will take the leagues best offseason and still manage to fuck it up and lose.
Rashard Mendenhall will score more yards from the line of scrimmage than Felix Jones (this does not include special teams).
DeSean Jackson is the rookie sensation WR of the year.
Enjoy the season, y’all!!!!
-David
The defending Superbowl Champion New York Giants will finish no better than 3rd in the NFC East (and miss the playoffs).
Brett Favre will help the Jets and get them to respectability this year (not quite to the playoffs, but close).
The Jacksonville Jaguars will win the AFC South.
The Pittsburgh Steelers will go 11-5 and win the AFC North.
The Cincinnatti Bengals will go 2-14 and Marvin Lewis will still not be fired.
7-9 will win the NFC West (the Cardinals or Rams, if anyone cares).
Santonio Holmes will statistically be the best WR in the NFL.
Satan will come to claim the soul of Bill Belifuck and his bitch, Tom Brady.
The Cleveland Browns will take the leagues best offseason and still manage to fuck it up and lose.
Rashard Mendenhall will score more yards from the line of scrimmage than Felix Jones (this does not include special teams).
DeSean Jackson is the rookie sensation WR of the year.
Enjoy the season, y’all!!!!
-David
Monday, August 4, 2008
Breaking the Chains Way Down In The Hole Part 2 and Where The Hell Is My Punter?
Needless to say, this entry will be a little bit irrelevant since it took me one extra month to write Part 2. This summer has just been crazy busy with visiting friends and family, drinking, and Call of Duty 4… not much time to write.
And actually it is not the Tom Waits show that makes me want to write, it is the beginning of Steelers training camp 2008 that has given me the itch. So no disrespect to Tom intended, but I’m going to race through a quick re-cap of the show and get to some football.
Summary of Tom Waits concert in El Paso (6/20/08):
Bud and Denise came in to see the show. Good to see them. Had a great time.
Drank a few beers on the back porch before we headed downtown.
Hit La Nortena before the show for as many beers as we could drink. Tried to choke down some seviche (ended up being dinner).
Walked to theatre. Big line (2 blocks away). Couldn’t believe it was to get into the theatre, so walked up to the front of the theatre and confirmed. Had to walk all the way to the back of the line.
Many idiots wearing stupid hats in line.
Theatre was really cool. BUT, I prefer to see shows in bars as it is easier to get drunk.
Lost Bud and Denise once we got into theatre (we were not sitting together). After 10 minutes of scanning audience, located Bud on other side of the theatre. Screamed “BUD!!!” at the top of my lungs. Bud saw me and waved back. Many idiots with stupid hats looked at me like I was a freak. Ha, Ha, the joke is on them.
Guy next to me smelled really bad and had that nervous tick where he couldn’t stop quickly moving his leg up and down. At one point I gently touched his leg with my leg to get him to stop. He didn’t stop. Then it became a game: how hard could I press my leg against his before he would react. After about 5 minutes I had my legs spread as wide as they could, as if I was receiving head from someone kneeling in front of me and my left leg had jammed both of his legs into the person to his left. Motherfucker’s leg still didn’t stop moving up and down like a piston. Strange stuff.
Show was awesome. Tom was in a shiny suit jacket and pants. Also wearing hat, but it doesn’t look stupid on him because he’s Tom Waits and not a 22 to 38 year old wanker.
Tom’s son played drums (didn’t realize it until days later). Tom’s younger son played some kind of bongo drum during one song (knew that was his son at the time as I think he announced it.
Guitar player was fucking awesome.
Sax player was CRAZY FUCKING AWESOME. I saw him play the following: alto sax, tenor sax, soprano sax, baritone sax, clarinet, bass clarinet (or some such weird instrument). Maybe flute? He also played two saxophones at the same time on one song. Incredible guy.
Tom was presented with the key to the city during the show. Made a bit out of it that was pretty funny.
A lot of douchebags with stupid hats.
Song list was very cool. Two out of three of my wishes were granted: 1) Play something from Heart of Saturday night (not granted), 2) Play something from Rain Dogs (granted), and 3) Play Goin’ Out West (granted). Here is the complete list.
Really enjoyed the show.
Closing thought (an open letter to all freaks wearing silly hats at a Tom Waits show): Listen, I know you can’t dress up and play eccentric rock star at your 9 to 5. But that is no excuse to put on a silly had and a stupid looking suit that smells of the Salvation Army store and parade around in public like a jackass. The reason you can’t wear that stupid shit everyday is, literally, because it is stupid looking. So keep it in the closet and dress up like Tom Waits for Halloween next year. You fucking douchebag, you. Do you see me wearing spandex and a mesh muscle shirt at the Dokken show? No, you don’t (even though I would look wicked cool!)
There we go. I now feel relieved that is out of the way. Again, I apologize if it was not my normal concert review. I think it just boils down to the fact that I was sober during the show and life is just not quite as exciting when I’m sober. So it goes.
Steelers Update 2008: Where the hell is my punter?
Daniel Sepulveda, the Steelers 2nd year punter is out for the year with some kind of torn tendon in his knee or some such shit. I really liked him in his rookie season and I think he was going to just get better in year 2.
To replace him, we picked up Paul Ernster. In case you don’t remember this shitbag: He started last season with the Cleveland Browns (warning sirens should already be going off in your head). He lasted all of one game (against the Steelers) and performed so profoundly horribly that the Browns released him after that opening game. Fast forward one year and now he’s on our team.
We therefore stand to enter the season with no better than the 33rd best punter in the league. Let me further remind you that our special teams during the last two years have been by far the weakest part of our game. In fact, the only reason they weren’t the worst in the entire league is the good play of the actual kickers (kicker and punter). The coverage and return units were just total, complete, worthless shit.
But maybe this is a blessing in disguise because Josh Cribbs can’t return a punt for a touchdown if the punter shanks it 20 yards out of bounds every time.
My brother in law (a Browns fan) suggested I go outside and practice punting for about an hour and then try to walk onto the Steelers training camp in Latrobe. He speculates that is all it would take for any average Joe to be able to kick better than Ernster.
Fuck me running, this is a bad omen to start the season.
-David
PS: In retrospect my favorite songs during the show were Falling Down, Chocolate Jesus, Lucky Day, and Dirt in the Ground
PSS: Man, I’ve forgotten how good Bone Machine is.
And actually it is not the Tom Waits show that makes me want to write, it is the beginning of Steelers training camp 2008 that has given me the itch. So no disrespect to Tom intended, but I’m going to race through a quick re-cap of the show and get to some football.
Summary of Tom Waits concert in El Paso (6/20/08):
Bud and Denise came in to see the show. Good to see them. Had a great time.
Drank a few beers on the back porch before we headed downtown.
Hit La Nortena before the show for as many beers as we could drink. Tried to choke down some seviche (ended up being dinner).
Walked to theatre. Big line (2 blocks away). Couldn’t believe it was to get into the theatre, so walked up to the front of the theatre and confirmed. Had to walk all the way to the back of the line.
Many idiots wearing stupid hats in line.
Theatre was really cool. BUT, I prefer to see shows in bars as it is easier to get drunk.
Lost Bud and Denise once we got into theatre (we were not sitting together). After 10 minutes of scanning audience, located Bud on other side of the theatre. Screamed “BUD!!!” at the top of my lungs. Bud saw me and waved back. Many idiots with stupid hats looked at me like I was a freak. Ha, Ha, the joke is on them.
Guy next to me smelled really bad and had that nervous tick where he couldn’t stop quickly moving his leg up and down. At one point I gently touched his leg with my leg to get him to stop. He didn’t stop. Then it became a game: how hard could I press my leg against his before he would react. After about 5 minutes I had my legs spread as wide as they could, as if I was receiving head from someone kneeling in front of me and my left leg had jammed both of his legs into the person to his left. Motherfucker’s leg still didn’t stop moving up and down like a piston. Strange stuff.
Show was awesome. Tom was in a shiny suit jacket and pants. Also wearing hat, but it doesn’t look stupid on him because he’s Tom Waits and not a 22 to 38 year old wanker.
Tom’s son played drums (didn’t realize it until days later). Tom’s younger son played some kind of bongo drum during one song (knew that was his son at the time as I think he announced it.
Guitar player was fucking awesome.
Sax player was CRAZY FUCKING AWESOME. I saw him play the following: alto sax, tenor sax, soprano sax, baritone sax, clarinet, bass clarinet (or some such weird instrument). Maybe flute? He also played two saxophones at the same time on one song. Incredible guy.
Tom was presented with the key to the city during the show. Made a bit out of it that was pretty funny.
A lot of douchebags with stupid hats.
Song list was very cool. Two out of three of my wishes were granted: 1) Play something from Heart of Saturday night (not granted), 2) Play something from Rain Dogs (granted), and 3) Play Goin’ Out West (granted). Here is the complete list.
Really enjoyed the show.
Closing thought (an open letter to all freaks wearing silly hats at a Tom Waits show): Listen, I know you can’t dress up and play eccentric rock star at your 9 to 5. But that is no excuse to put on a silly had and a stupid looking suit that smells of the Salvation Army store and parade around in public like a jackass. The reason you can’t wear that stupid shit everyday is, literally, because it is stupid looking. So keep it in the closet and dress up like Tom Waits for Halloween next year. You fucking douchebag, you. Do you see me wearing spandex and a mesh muscle shirt at the Dokken show? No, you don’t (even though I would look wicked cool!)
There we go. I now feel relieved that is out of the way. Again, I apologize if it was not my normal concert review. I think it just boils down to the fact that I was sober during the show and life is just not quite as exciting when I’m sober. So it goes.
Steelers Update 2008: Where the hell is my punter?
Daniel Sepulveda, the Steelers 2nd year punter is out for the year with some kind of torn tendon in his knee or some such shit. I really liked him in his rookie season and I think he was going to just get better in year 2.
To replace him, we picked up Paul Ernster. In case you don’t remember this shitbag: He started last season with the Cleveland Browns (warning sirens should already be going off in your head). He lasted all of one game (against the Steelers) and performed so profoundly horribly that the Browns released him after that opening game. Fast forward one year and now he’s on our team.
We therefore stand to enter the season with no better than the 33rd best punter in the league. Let me further remind you that our special teams during the last two years have been by far the weakest part of our game. In fact, the only reason they weren’t the worst in the entire league is the good play of the actual kickers (kicker and punter). The coverage and return units were just total, complete, worthless shit.
But maybe this is a blessing in disguise because Josh Cribbs can’t return a punt for a touchdown if the punter shanks it 20 yards out of bounds every time.
My brother in law (a Browns fan) suggested I go outside and practice punting for about an hour and then try to walk onto the Steelers training camp in Latrobe. He speculates that is all it would take for any average Joe to be able to kick better than Ernster.
Fuck me running, this is a bad omen to start the season.
-David
PS: In retrospect my favorite songs during the show were Falling Down, Chocolate Jesus, Lucky Day, and Dirt in the Ground
PSS: Man, I’ve forgotten how good Bone Machine is.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Breaking the Chains Way Down in the Hole
I’ve been very busy so far this summer and have not had a chance to write about anything. That said, I am delinquent in reporting on the first two big shows of the summer: Dokken and Tom Waits, back to back, baby.
The Dokken show started out on a sour note as all my boys bailed on me and I was left attending alone (‘I’m alone again, without you….’). But no matter, there was metal to be had down at Wet “N” Wild water park and I was not about to let Don Dokken down. As it turns out, he is the only person I would have let down because he is the only one left that is currently touring. I didn’t realize it but George Lynch left the band over a decade ago (which kind of depressed me because he is one of the reasons I wanted to see them). I was also told, by the Mexican version of Big Lou Martin, that the drummer is still with the band but he is not on this particular tour. I found out afterwards that he already committed to touring with someone like Billy Idol for the summer so he had to tell old Donny boy to go on without him.
But I get ahead of myself. First things first: The opening act. It was supposed to be Great White, but thank the gods that something happened with one of them and they could not make it to El Paso. That was fortunate for my ears as they suck huge balls, but my “Please don’t incinerate me” sign was now no longer relevant. Oh well.
Instead, some local DJ douchebag got up on stage and announced (something to the effect of): “El Paso, we’ve got a treat for you tonight! Back from their recent world tour of London and the south of France, soon to be in Australia, El Paso’s own…. ULYSSES!!!”
It kind of reminded me of Cab Calloway introducing the Blues Brothers in the movie, except instead of a cool venue in the suburbs of Chicago with a crowd about to enjoy good R&B music, it was a water park in the desert outskirts of El Paso with about 2,000 cholos and me about to enjoy some quasi-shitty cover band.
But at first I was optimistic because Ulysses came out blasting both barrels with a really good version of Aldo Nova’s “Fantasy”. So far so good. The second song was unknown to me and at first I thought it was their own song but after listening to the rest of the set I just assume it was a cover I was not familiar with.
The third song was “Separate Ways” by Journey. Good idea, bad execution. The lead singer was not good. Not good at all. He was like a 240 lb version of Artie Lang, except with long, mullet like hair. Kind of like a “Beer League” Artie Lange plus about 10 pounds. Let’s just say he was no Steve Perry.
After that they took us on a hellish tour of 80s metal that included painful versions of random songs by AC/DC, Motley Crue, Guns and Roses, and the Scorpions. They also attempted Judas Priest (You’ve Got Another Thing Coming) and Iron Maiden (The Trooper) but again, Artie’s vocals were just so far off the mark that I couldn’t help but to cringe as I continued pounding 24 oz Bud Lights to make the pain go away.
Sometime after night fall, the horror show ended and silence descended down upon the water park as everyone ran to the tree lines to piss and refuel on more delicious Bud Light, Tecate, and Coors Light.
I was chilling back on a picnic table for the opening act but got up near the front of the outdoor stage for Dokken. This was going to be warfare, baby. No time for sitting down anymore in the heat of battle.
Dokken came out and immediately rocked the fucking shit out of that water park, playing every classic Dokken song you can think of except “Burning Like a Flame”. The line up included Don Dokken on vocals, some old dude with yellow shooting glasses on drums, some Carrot Top looking motherfucker on bass, and the band’s lawyer on guitar. The guitarist kind of looked like an undead transvestite: very pale, with sagging skin (no shirt!) on a small, bony frame, with some kind of fake ass looking long, straight hair. He was very undernourished (as if he’d eaten nothing but rancid human flesh) and apparently hadn’t seen the sun in about 6 or 7 years. He was no George Lynch, but I have to admit he could play the guitar very well and was a reasonable Lynch knock off.
During the Dokken set I befriend a large Mexican guy who very much reminded me of Big Lou Martin (in the face). He was probably in his mid to late twenties and he was like a walking encyclopedia of all things Dokken. His knowledge was vast and limitless when it came to anything related to the band. He knew every set list they ever played, which was especially handy as he knew exactly what song we should use as a piss and beer break (some 10 minute opus I hadn’t heard of).
So me and Big Lou rocked out very hard that night. The show was actually very good, but I couldn’t help to think that Don Dokken was a bit of a dickhead. This was the first show of his summer tour and I guess it was a bit of a warm up gig for the band (who were very tight so I give them credit for practicing hard!). But the whole time Don had this look on his face like, “Yeah, I’m a huge rock star and you guys are a bunch of fucking idiots. This whole town is a bunch of fucking hicks with no brains or more of you would have come out to worship me. I am a rock god and you just can’t even comprehend it. Go back and listen to Ulysses, you freaks.”
And as he was sending this mental vibe out to us I was sending one back:
“Don, you’re fucking lucky even a couple thousand of us came out to hear you. I know you are rocking hard and I appreciate it but you’re lucky there is even one of me here. Be happy that anyone still thinks your relevant, dude! Just stop your snotty thoughts and sing Dream Warriors already!”
Anyhow, somewhere down the line Don and I sorted out our differences and we managed to open up the heavens that night and make an offering to the gods of heavy metal.
The lights went down on the stage and all the beer was drunk. We all wandered through the hard, desert earth on our way back to our pick ups and Mustangs as we pointed them down the highway while trying to get home without incident.
As I got home that night, I chugged two huge glasses of water and laid down in bed, wondering how long it would take before my ears stopped ringing... and how fucking hung over I’d be the next day.
So it goes.
-David
PS: Where has the time gone…? I’ll have to finish up with the Tom Waits concert later in Part 2. Stay tuned…
The Dokken show started out on a sour note as all my boys bailed on me and I was left attending alone (‘I’m alone again, without you….’). But no matter, there was metal to be had down at Wet “N” Wild water park and I was not about to let Don Dokken down. As it turns out, he is the only person I would have let down because he is the only one left that is currently touring. I didn’t realize it but George Lynch left the band over a decade ago (which kind of depressed me because he is one of the reasons I wanted to see them). I was also told, by the Mexican version of Big Lou Martin, that the drummer is still with the band but he is not on this particular tour. I found out afterwards that he already committed to touring with someone like Billy Idol for the summer so he had to tell old Donny boy to go on without him.
But I get ahead of myself. First things first: The opening act. It was supposed to be Great White, but thank the gods that something happened with one of them and they could not make it to El Paso. That was fortunate for my ears as they suck huge balls, but my “Please don’t incinerate me” sign was now no longer relevant. Oh well.
Instead, some local DJ douchebag got up on stage and announced (something to the effect of): “El Paso, we’ve got a treat for you tonight! Back from their recent world tour of London and the south of France, soon to be in Australia, El Paso’s own…. ULYSSES!!!”
It kind of reminded me of Cab Calloway introducing the Blues Brothers in the movie, except instead of a cool venue in the suburbs of Chicago with a crowd about to enjoy good R&B music, it was a water park in the desert outskirts of El Paso with about 2,000 cholos and me about to enjoy some quasi-shitty cover band.
But at first I was optimistic because Ulysses came out blasting both barrels with a really good version of Aldo Nova’s “Fantasy”. So far so good. The second song was unknown to me and at first I thought it was their own song but after listening to the rest of the set I just assume it was a cover I was not familiar with.
The third song was “Separate Ways” by Journey. Good idea, bad execution. The lead singer was not good. Not good at all. He was like a 240 lb version of Artie Lang, except with long, mullet like hair. Kind of like a “Beer League” Artie Lange plus about 10 pounds. Let’s just say he was no Steve Perry.
After that they took us on a hellish tour of 80s metal that included painful versions of random songs by AC/DC, Motley Crue, Guns and Roses, and the Scorpions. They also attempted Judas Priest (You’ve Got Another Thing Coming) and Iron Maiden (The Trooper) but again, Artie’s vocals were just so far off the mark that I couldn’t help but to cringe as I continued pounding 24 oz Bud Lights to make the pain go away.
Sometime after night fall, the horror show ended and silence descended down upon the water park as everyone ran to the tree lines to piss and refuel on more delicious Bud Light, Tecate, and Coors Light.
I was chilling back on a picnic table for the opening act but got up near the front of the outdoor stage for Dokken. This was going to be warfare, baby. No time for sitting down anymore in the heat of battle.
Dokken came out and immediately rocked the fucking shit out of that water park, playing every classic Dokken song you can think of except “Burning Like a Flame”. The line up included Don Dokken on vocals, some old dude with yellow shooting glasses on drums, some Carrot Top looking motherfucker on bass, and the band’s lawyer on guitar. The guitarist kind of looked like an undead transvestite: very pale, with sagging skin (no shirt!) on a small, bony frame, with some kind of fake ass looking long, straight hair. He was very undernourished (as if he’d eaten nothing but rancid human flesh) and apparently hadn’t seen the sun in about 6 or 7 years. He was no George Lynch, but I have to admit he could play the guitar very well and was a reasonable Lynch knock off.
During the Dokken set I befriend a large Mexican guy who very much reminded me of Big Lou Martin (in the face). He was probably in his mid to late twenties and he was like a walking encyclopedia of all things Dokken. His knowledge was vast and limitless when it came to anything related to the band. He knew every set list they ever played, which was especially handy as he knew exactly what song we should use as a piss and beer break (some 10 minute opus I hadn’t heard of).
So me and Big Lou rocked out very hard that night. The show was actually very good, but I couldn’t help to think that Don Dokken was a bit of a dickhead. This was the first show of his summer tour and I guess it was a bit of a warm up gig for the band (who were very tight so I give them credit for practicing hard!). But the whole time Don had this look on his face like, “Yeah, I’m a huge rock star and you guys are a bunch of fucking idiots. This whole town is a bunch of fucking hicks with no brains or more of you would have come out to worship me. I am a rock god and you just can’t even comprehend it. Go back and listen to Ulysses, you freaks.”
And as he was sending this mental vibe out to us I was sending one back:
“Don, you’re fucking lucky even a couple thousand of us came out to hear you. I know you are rocking hard and I appreciate it but you’re lucky there is even one of me here. Be happy that anyone still thinks your relevant, dude! Just stop your snotty thoughts and sing Dream Warriors already!”
Anyhow, somewhere down the line Don and I sorted out our differences and we managed to open up the heavens that night and make an offering to the gods of heavy metal.
The lights went down on the stage and all the beer was drunk. We all wandered through the hard, desert earth on our way back to our pick ups and Mustangs as we pointed them down the highway while trying to get home without incident.
As I got home that night, I chugged two huge glasses of water and laid down in bed, wondering how long it would take before my ears stopped ringing... and how fucking hung over I’d be the next day.
So it goes.
-David
PS: Where has the time gone…? I’ll have to finish up with the Tom Waits concert later in Part 2. Stay tuned…
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Forechecking
I haven’t followed hockey for years now but I started watching the Penguins play again since the NHL playoffs started. I don’t know the players all that well but I have to say I am VERY impressed by the forechecking game of the Pittsburgh Penguins.
As good as the skilled players of the Stanley Cup Champion Penguins were (Lemuix, Rechi, Stevens, Jagr, Barraso, etc.) I still think what won those cups for us was forechecking. Without Phil Bourque, Troy Loney, and Bob Errey we would never have been able to put those back to back Cup runs together.
And once those guys were let go after those Cups the Pens could win no more.
Now, I look at a new team with players I’ve primarily never heard of before and I’m excited. I see no reason why this version of the Pittsburgh Penguins can’t win the Stanley Cup this year because they are forechecking very well. And forechecking wins championships as far as I’m concerned.
Let’s go Pens!!
-David
As good as the skilled players of the Stanley Cup Champion Penguins were (Lemuix, Rechi, Stevens, Jagr, Barraso, etc.) I still think what won those cups for us was forechecking. Without Phil Bourque, Troy Loney, and Bob Errey we would never have been able to put those back to back Cup runs together.
And once those guys were let go after those Cups the Pens could win no more.
Now, I look at a new team with players I’ve primarily never heard of before and I’m excited. I see no reason why this version of the Pittsburgh Penguins can’t win the Stanley Cup this year because they are forechecking very well. And forechecking wins championships as far as I’m concerned.
Let’s go Pens!!
-David
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Steelers draft recap 2008
Draft 2008 has come and gone for the Steelers (barring any strange 7th round trades as we technically have no picks left). Overall I like what we did this year although, as usual, it was not scripted exactly how I thought it would be.
In general, I think we gained momentum as the draft went and were in high gear through our first 4 picks. Then, with the 5th pick we kind of went sideways but were able to pull it back together to have a pretty good set of picks. But I get ahead of myself: first the picks and then some analysis.
RD PK(OVR) NAME POS SCHOOL
1 23(23) Rashard Mendenhall RB ILLINOIS
2 22(53) Limas Sweed WR TEXAS
3 25(88) Bruce Davis OLB UCLA
4 31(130) Tony Hills OT TEXAS
5 21(156) Dennis Dixon QB OREGON
6 22(188) Mike Humpal OLB IOWA
6 28(194) Ryan Mundy S WEST VIRGINIA
Even though some of my “draft needs” weren’t met, my premonition of us taking a running back in the first round came true. Upon reflection I’m okay with that. I said I wouldn’t be upset if we did I won’t be. When you think about it, even though we picked him as the 4th running back with the 23rd pick, he is probably the 2nd or 3rd best running back in the draft. How can you possibly argue that taking the 2nd best RB at pick 23 of the first round is a bad idea?
In keeping with their strategy to go with the best player they took Limas Sweed in the 2nd round. Even though I wanted Hardy he was long gone by this time. Actually I’m pretty surprised Sweed was still here and again, you can’t argue with going with him considering we’re down to 2 reliable WRs (Ward and Holmes) and a couple questionable ones (Washington and Reid). So even though I was still hoping for O Line or D Line with this pick it’s really hard to argue with what happened.
Same deal with pick #3. Sure, I would have preferred O/D Line. But if Linebacker Bruce Davis was really the best on the board compared to the O/D Line talent why not pick him? We are pretty thin at Outside Line Backer so we need one of those as well. NOTE: I guess he’s really a Defensive End but we’ll convert him to OLB.
After this point in the draft I started thinking, okay, we’re hitting the groove. Not only are we taking the best players available when we pick (like we promised we’d do) they are now also starting to line up with our needs. Then came the 4th pick and I was ECSTATIC that we picked on Offensive Tackle. YEAH we finally got an O Line guy!!! Maybe he won’t start (and maybe he won’t even make the squad), but at least we have a warm body in there that can challenge a roster spot.
Now I was really thinking that this could be the best draft of all time (well, maybe the best draft since the 70s anyway). Until the 5th pick. A quarterback. Better yet, a quarterback who blew out his knee already (or something like that). Do I like this pick? No. Am I mad for them making it? No. Listen, I know we need another QB on the roster at the very least to put on the practice squad. We only have 2 QBs with our back up getting older every year. So we inevitably have to pick up a young practice squad eligible QB at some point this offseason but you hate to use a 5th round pick on him. This is where I dreamt some guy walks off the street at training camp and the club goes, “wow, this guy looks promising, let’s sign him”. But, I’m sure he was the best on the board at the time so we took him. I really do wish we’d have ignored that strategy, though, for this round and picked a D Lineman.
In the 6th round we picked another linebacker. Again, no problem here. I’ve seen him listed as an inside and outside linebacker so I don’t know which he really is. But no matter, you will NEVER see me complain about picking a LB up in the 6th round. NEVER.
Finally we rounded it out buy using our 2nd 6th round pick which we aquired when we traded down in the 4th round. We used him on a safety (WVU represent!). I also have no problem with that. Ryan Clark may never come back from that spleen surgery. While I was WAY big on Anthony Smith at the beginning of last season he has shown us nothing that would now instill me with any confidence after his abysmal play in the 2nd half of the year when he took over as the starter. So how can you argue with taking a safety (especially one that apparently can play cornerback as well)? I can’t.
That said, we made it through a draft where I wanted 3 linemen (2 O and 1 D) and we only picked 1 Offensive Lineman. So how am I okay with this? I guess because I can’t argue with any of the selections as I go back and look at them. That and I guess that I missed one point this offseason that I didn’t think about until today. When Hartwig was signed to play center, we didn’t get rid of Mahan (who sucked as our center last season). Then I recalled that he also plays Guard (I think). That being the case, maybe we plan on using Mahan as a starting guard? Or maybe Stapleton or Caprizzi, our two young, developmental O-lineman are ready to take the next step this year? Who knows, maybe the Steelers front office see something that I can’t. Either way, with Mahan at guard and drafting a Tackle in the 4th round we might be okay. At least I sure hope so!!!
But what about the D line? We didn’t draft anybody? Who is going to step up if Smith, Hampton, or Kiesel goes down? Not Kirtchske or Eason (at least they didn’t last year). Is the young McBean ready to go this year? Who the hell else is there? I really think we are gambling with our D line this season and that makes me REALLY nervous. Winning starts with the defense as far as I’m concerned.
In summary, I do really like our draft this year. For sure our offense should be better because even if the line still sucks wind we can always line up 5 wide (Sweed, Parker, Mendehall/Miller, Ward, Holmes) and just 3 step drop everything!! Or maybe line up with 2 running backs (Parker/Mendenhall) in the old standard I formation and just keep ‘em guessing with some trick plays. But I tell you, I don’t see us being a run first team without someone stepping up on that O-Line and playing. And if we’re not a run first team I really don’t see us making it deep into the playoffs.
Just as the thought of being a pass first team scares me I’ll restate that our depth on D Line is frightening.
So these were my two main concerns going into the draft and still remain my two biggest concerns coming out. But we added some quality players and that can surely only help us. I guess we’ll see how it pans out this fall. Because regardless of how fun the offseason is the whole point of it is to still play the games to see who the best team is!
Do you think it’s too late to find someone willing to give us a D Lineman for Najah Davenport, Gary Russell, or Cary Davis?
-David
In general, I think we gained momentum as the draft went and were in high gear through our first 4 picks. Then, with the 5th pick we kind of went sideways but were able to pull it back together to have a pretty good set of picks. But I get ahead of myself: first the picks and then some analysis.
RD PK(OVR) NAME POS SCHOOL
1 23(23) Rashard Mendenhall RB ILLINOIS
2 22(53) Limas Sweed WR TEXAS
3 25(88) Bruce Davis OLB UCLA
4 31(130) Tony Hills OT TEXAS
5 21(156) Dennis Dixon QB OREGON
6 22(188) Mike Humpal OLB IOWA
6 28(194) Ryan Mundy S WEST VIRGINIA
Even though some of my “draft needs” weren’t met, my premonition of us taking a running back in the first round came true. Upon reflection I’m okay with that. I said I wouldn’t be upset if we did I won’t be. When you think about it, even though we picked him as the 4th running back with the 23rd pick, he is probably the 2nd or 3rd best running back in the draft. How can you possibly argue that taking the 2nd best RB at pick 23 of the first round is a bad idea?
In keeping with their strategy to go with the best player they took Limas Sweed in the 2nd round. Even though I wanted Hardy he was long gone by this time. Actually I’m pretty surprised Sweed was still here and again, you can’t argue with going with him considering we’re down to 2 reliable WRs (Ward and Holmes) and a couple questionable ones (Washington and Reid). So even though I was still hoping for O Line or D Line with this pick it’s really hard to argue with what happened.
Same deal with pick #3. Sure, I would have preferred O/D Line. But if Linebacker Bruce Davis was really the best on the board compared to the O/D Line talent why not pick him? We are pretty thin at Outside Line Backer so we need one of those as well. NOTE: I guess he’s really a Defensive End but we’ll convert him to OLB.
After this point in the draft I started thinking, okay, we’re hitting the groove. Not only are we taking the best players available when we pick (like we promised we’d do) they are now also starting to line up with our needs. Then came the 4th pick and I was ECSTATIC that we picked on Offensive Tackle. YEAH we finally got an O Line guy!!! Maybe he won’t start (and maybe he won’t even make the squad), but at least we have a warm body in there that can challenge a roster spot.
Now I was really thinking that this could be the best draft of all time (well, maybe the best draft since the 70s anyway). Until the 5th pick. A quarterback. Better yet, a quarterback who blew out his knee already (or something like that). Do I like this pick? No. Am I mad for them making it? No. Listen, I know we need another QB on the roster at the very least to put on the practice squad. We only have 2 QBs with our back up getting older every year. So we inevitably have to pick up a young practice squad eligible QB at some point this offseason but you hate to use a 5th round pick on him. This is where I dreamt some guy walks off the street at training camp and the club goes, “wow, this guy looks promising, let’s sign him”. But, I’m sure he was the best on the board at the time so we took him. I really do wish we’d have ignored that strategy, though, for this round and picked a D Lineman.
In the 6th round we picked another linebacker. Again, no problem here. I’ve seen him listed as an inside and outside linebacker so I don’t know which he really is. But no matter, you will NEVER see me complain about picking a LB up in the 6th round. NEVER.
Finally we rounded it out buy using our 2nd 6th round pick which we aquired when we traded down in the 4th round. We used him on a safety (WVU represent!). I also have no problem with that. Ryan Clark may never come back from that spleen surgery. While I was WAY big on Anthony Smith at the beginning of last season he has shown us nothing that would now instill me with any confidence after his abysmal play in the 2nd half of the year when he took over as the starter. So how can you argue with taking a safety (especially one that apparently can play cornerback as well)? I can’t.
That said, we made it through a draft where I wanted 3 linemen (2 O and 1 D) and we only picked 1 Offensive Lineman. So how am I okay with this? I guess because I can’t argue with any of the selections as I go back and look at them. That and I guess that I missed one point this offseason that I didn’t think about until today. When Hartwig was signed to play center, we didn’t get rid of Mahan (who sucked as our center last season). Then I recalled that he also plays Guard (I think). That being the case, maybe we plan on using Mahan as a starting guard? Or maybe Stapleton or Caprizzi, our two young, developmental O-lineman are ready to take the next step this year? Who knows, maybe the Steelers front office see something that I can’t. Either way, with Mahan at guard and drafting a Tackle in the 4th round we might be okay. At least I sure hope so!!!
But what about the D line? We didn’t draft anybody? Who is going to step up if Smith, Hampton, or Kiesel goes down? Not Kirtchske or Eason (at least they didn’t last year). Is the young McBean ready to go this year? Who the hell else is there? I really think we are gambling with our D line this season and that makes me REALLY nervous. Winning starts with the defense as far as I’m concerned.
In summary, I do really like our draft this year. For sure our offense should be better because even if the line still sucks wind we can always line up 5 wide (Sweed, Parker, Mendehall/Miller, Ward, Holmes) and just 3 step drop everything!! Or maybe line up with 2 running backs (Parker/Mendenhall) in the old standard I formation and just keep ‘em guessing with some trick plays. But I tell you, I don’t see us being a run first team without someone stepping up on that O-Line and playing. And if we’re not a run first team I really don’t see us making it deep into the playoffs.
Just as the thought of being a pass first team scares me I’ll restate that our depth on D Line is frightening.
So these were my two main concerns going into the draft and still remain my two biggest concerns coming out. But we added some quality players and that can surely only help us. I guess we’ll see how it pans out this fall. Because regardless of how fun the offseason is the whole point of it is to still play the games to see who the best team is!
Do you think it’s too late to find someone willing to give us a D Lineman for Najah Davenport, Gary Russell, or Cary Davis?
-David
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The ghost of Myron Cope
Either today or yesterday I believe that I was visited by the ghost of Myron Cope. Maybe “visit” is the wrong word. Maybe I somehow fused with whatever is left of Myron’s earthly soul. It’s all a little strange to me but the experience left me with two distinct thoughts that I feel I must share with you on the eve of the eve of the eve of the 2008 NFL draft.
Thought #1: I get the distinct vibe that the Steelers really want to draft a running back in the first round. Don’t ask me why; ask Myron’s ghost who now possesses a portion of my mind because he seems to understand this more than I do. What I can comprehend is that I’m a little nervous about this. Surely I won’t be upset if we take a running back in the first round, especially if one of the top couple drops to us. But I don’t think I’ll be overly excited either because we have SO many urgent needs on both lines. So this Saturday, I’ll be watching each pick with bated breath to see if the top 3 (or 4) running backs go off the board before we pick. If they do not, it’ll be real interesting when we step up and hand the commish our card with the 23rd pick.
Thought #2: Steely McBeam pisses me off. It’s bad enough that we have a fucking mascot to begin with but when one of the guys who wears the stupid outfit got busted for DUI (a couple weeks/months back) he got fired. Now I know the Rooney’s don’t put up with that behavior (in fact I read the application to be Steely McBeam when they were searching and it clearly stated that you will be held to the same standards as the rest of the Steelers organization), but come the fuck on. If we were going to have a mascot he should absolutely be drunk. Constantly. He should also not be wearing a stupid costume. He should be walking around with no shirt on and a beer can in each hand. He should be fat. Not 400 pounds fat, but the kind of guy that has a HUGE beer gut and an otherwise just normally overweight rest of the body. And the only time he is not allowed to have a beer in each hand is when he has a kielbasa in one hand. He should also be a Pollock. He should be a big, fat, drunken, Pollock who is engaged in a constant state of devouring food and berating the other teams’ fans. Especially Browns and Bengals fans. And if he’s not that, I do not acknowledge him as the True Steelers Mascot. I renounce you Mr. McBeam! Go back to whence you came, you fucknut!
That said: Good luck to the Steelers personnel department this weekend. I am confident we will have a brilliant draft this year.
…as long as we don’t take a god damned wide receiver in the first round. And I had a vision of that too. For real. But that one scares me too much to talk about…
-David
Thought #1: I get the distinct vibe that the Steelers really want to draft a running back in the first round. Don’t ask me why; ask Myron’s ghost who now possesses a portion of my mind because he seems to understand this more than I do. What I can comprehend is that I’m a little nervous about this. Surely I won’t be upset if we take a running back in the first round, especially if one of the top couple drops to us. But I don’t think I’ll be overly excited either because we have SO many urgent needs on both lines. So this Saturday, I’ll be watching each pick with bated breath to see if the top 3 (or 4) running backs go off the board before we pick. If they do not, it’ll be real interesting when we step up and hand the commish our card with the 23rd pick.
Thought #2: Steely McBeam pisses me off. It’s bad enough that we have a fucking mascot to begin with but when one of the guys who wears the stupid outfit got busted for DUI (a couple weeks/months back) he got fired. Now I know the Rooney’s don’t put up with that behavior (in fact I read the application to be Steely McBeam when they were searching and it clearly stated that you will be held to the same standards as the rest of the Steelers organization), but come the fuck on. If we were going to have a mascot he should absolutely be drunk. Constantly. He should also not be wearing a stupid costume. He should be walking around with no shirt on and a beer can in each hand. He should be fat. Not 400 pounds fat, but the kind of guy that has a HUGE beer gut and an otherwise just normally overweight rest of the body. And the only time he is not allowed to have a beer in each hand is when he has a kielbasa in one hand. He should also be a Pollock. He should be a big, fat, drunken, Pollock who is engaged in a constant state of devouring food and berating the other teams’ fans. Especially Browns and Bengals fans. And if he’s not that, I do not acknowledge him as the True Steelers Mascot. I renounce you Mr. McBeam! Go back to whence you came, you fucknut!
That said: Good luck to the Steelers personnel department this weekend. I am confident we will have a brilliant draft this year.
…as long as we don’t take a god damned wide receiver in the first round. And I had a vision of that too. For real. But that one scares me too much to talk about…
-David
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Steelers draft needs
With the draft a couple weeks away its time to prognosticate on what I think the Steelers should do. Over the years, I’ve realized that this is probably not what they will do, however, because the organization has proven in the past that they are disciples of the concept of taking the best value on the board when it comes to their pick. So they’ll take a player at a position they don’t technically have an immediate need for if he is in their mind the best player with the best value on the board.
Regardless, in the event Dan Rooney gives me a call at the last minute to join their draft team, I’ll get my needs list ready.
So here is my list of the most urgent needs that I think the Steelers should address in this year’s draft. I’ll list the needs in order from most urgent to least urgent. I’ll put seven needs on the list even though I think the Steelers may only have 6 picks this year.
1. Offensive Tackle / Guard
2. Offensive Guard / Tackle
3. Defensive End
4. Wide Receiver
5. Center
6. Corner Back
7. Defensive End / Linebacker
Going into the off season, my main concern was Center and I would have made that #1 on the list except we did end up signing Justin Hartwig. I’m still not convinced he is the answer (though to repeat a thought from last entry I do think he’ll be better than Mahan) but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt since the Steelers front office did. So I wouldn’t say center is now our most urgent need. BUT, I did still put a center in the 5th position because I’d like to have someone new in the hopper just in case Hartwig does bust out also.
That makes my new #1 concern the rest of our offensive line. I don’t really care if we go with a Tackle or a Guard. In general, it seems to me that tackles can switch to guard easier than guards can switch to tackles so that is why I technically listed a Tackle first even though we probably have a more pressing need at guard. If we can land a good Tackle with our first pick I think we should jump on it and then convert one of our existing Tackles to a Guard if need be. I just don’t want to stretch for a Guard if he his not there when our pick comes up.
That said, my #2 concern is the same thing. We are just too thin on the offensive line as far as depth goes. I fear last year also showed us that our backups are indeed backups (i.e., not ready to step up in a starting role). So similar to my thoughts on Center, we need to have some young, new guys in the hopper at ALL times. They don’t always pan out so we should get a large group of them over a couple years and hope at least one or two shake out as starters.
At #3 I go for a Defensive End. When Aaron Smith went down with an injury last year our Defensive Line fell apart completely. This is another example of our backups being backups because no one could get in there and do what Smith was doing. I really hope the rookie we drafted last year (McBean) is ready to step up and be our primary back up this year but citing another point from above just in case he’s not I think we need to get someone else in the hopper. In this case, I must say I wouldn’t be too upset if these Steelers drafted a Defensive End in the second round or MAYBE even in the first round as long as they use one to two of their other first three picks on the O-Line. Most people seem to think the Steelers will go with O-line with their first pick but I’ve read a number of things that could indicate that they will indeed go D-Line instead. Remember: they will draft for value with that first pick so if they think a D-Line is the best value for the talent on the board they will absolutely take him over an O-Line. So we’ll see.
Let’s give Big Ben his tall wide receiver with #4. I think Ben was a bit out of line with his off season comment that he wanted the Steelers to add a tall wide receiver and I think Hines Ward was right to be offended as it suggested he wasn’t good enough because he is short. That said, I see Ben’s point (I just wish he would have kept it between him and Kevin Colbert). As you may remember, I am NEVER in favor of drafting a WR in the first round, but by the 4th round I’m okay with taking one as long as we get a tall one. I love Hines and I really like Santonio but neither of them will ever create a height mismatch with a DB. Nate Washington is a little taller and yet again he showed flashes of coming into his own last season but I’m all but giving up on him. Every year he shows us a little bit of what he can be and then he always fades back into mediocrity. So let’s take a shot at a tall WR and see what we get.
Per my initial comment I go with a Center at #5. Until one of these guys we have shows us he can actually exist in the same room as Mike Webster’s, Dermonti Dawson’s, and Jeff Harting’s jocks, I’m going to call for drafting Centers. I don’t even need them to hold their jocks… just exist in the same room as them for Christ’s sake. They can grow into greatness if they can just find the right starting point.
At #6 I’d go with a Corner Back. It’s been a long time since the Steelers have had a really dominant Corner Back and since we don’t chase shut down free agents it will probably be a long time until we have another. That said, it’s always good to keep a stable of Corner Backs around. This is another position where we just have to keep putting guys in the hopper and hope one of them shakes out.
Finally, I think our #7 need is someone in the front 7 on defense. Whether that is another Defensive End or a Linebacker I’ll leave that up to the best value on the board at the time. But I do think we need to make sure we have enough development depth in our front 7 at all times. With Haggans gone it looks like Woodley will step up into the starting role but we may want to plug someone in to replace Woodley on the up and coming list.
That’s my assessment anyway. I’m not going to get too bent out of shape this year at the order the Steelers draft in as long as they address most of these needs. My one request is that they MUST draft at least one Offensive Lineman with the ability to start next season. I don’t think we should assume our O-Line is ready to go with the people we already have on the roster. Therefore I would ASSUME they would want to take an O-Line guy very early in the draft.
But we shall see. And at the risk of sounding redundant year to year, let me leave you with my annual pre-draft prayer:
Dear Lord, please do not let us draft a WR in the first round.
-David
Regardless, in the event Dan Rooney gives me a call at the last minute to join their draft team, I’ll get my needs list ready.
So here is my list of the most urgent needs that I think the Steelers should address in this year’s draft. I’ll list the needs in order from most urgent to least urgent. I’ll put seven needs on the list even though I think the Steelers may only have 6 picks this year.
1. Offensive Tackle / Guard
2. Offensive Guard / Tackle
3. Defensive End
4. Wide Receiver
5. Center
6. Corner Back
7. Defensive End / Linebacker
Going into the off season, my main concern was Center and I would have made that #1 on the list except we did end up signing Justin Hartwig. I’m still not convinced he is the answer (though to repeat a thought from last entry I do think he’ll be better than Mahan) but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt since the Steelers front office did. So I wouldn’t say center is now our most urgent need. BUT, I did still put a center in the 5th position because I’d like to have someone new in the hopper just in case Hartwig does bust out also.
That makes my new #1 concern the rest of our offensive line. I don’t really care if we go with a Tackle or a Guard. In general, it seems to me that tackles can switch to guard easier than guards can switch to tackles so that is why I technically listed a Tackle first even though we probably have a more pressing need at guard. If we can land a good Tackle with our first pick I think we should jump on it and then convert one of our existing Tackles to a Guard if need be. I just don’t want to stretch for a Guard if he his not there when our pick comes up.
That said, my #2 concern is the same thing. We are just too thin on the offensive line as far as depth goes. I fear last year also showed us that our backups are indeed backups (i.e., not ready to step up in a starting role). So similar to my thoughts on Center, we need to have some young, new guys in the hopper at ALL times. They don’t always pan out so we should get a large group of them over a couple years and hope at least one or two shake out as starters.
At #3 I go for a Defensive End. When Aaron Smith went down with an injury last year our Defensive Line fell apart completely. This is another example of our backups being backups because no one could get in there and do what Smith was doing. I really hope the rookie we drafted last year (McBean) is ready to step up and be our primary back up this year but citing another point from above just in case he’s not I think we need to get someone else in the hopper. In this case, I must say I wouldn’t be too upset if these Steelers drafted a Defensive End in the second round or MAYBE even in the first round as long as they use one to two of their other first three picks on the O-Line. Most people seem to think the Steelers will go with O-line with their first pick but I’ve read a number of things that could indicate that they will indeed go D-Line instead. Remember: they will draft for value with that first pick so if they think a D-Line is the best value for the talent on the board they will absolutely take him over an O-Line. So we’ll see.
Let’s give Big Ben his tall wide receiver with #4. I think Ben was a bit out of line with his off season comment that he wanted the Steelers to add a tall wide receiver and I think Hines Ward was right to be offended as it suggested he wasn’t good enough because he is short. That said, I see Ben’s point (I just wish he would have kept it between him and Kevin Colbert). As you may remember, I am NEVER in favor of drafting a WR in the first round, but by the 4th round I’m okay with taking one as long as we get a tall one. I love Hines and I really like Santonio but neither of them will ever create a height mismatch with a DB. Nate Washington is a little taller and yet again he showed flashes of coming into his own last season but I’m all but giving up on him. Every year he shows us a little bit of what he can be and then he always fades back into mediocrity. So let’s take a shot at a tall WR and see what we get.
Per my initial comment I go with a Center at #5. Until one of these guys we have shows us he can actually exist in the same room as Mike Webster’s, Dermonti Dawson’s, and Jeff Harting’s jocks, I’m going to call for drafting Centers. I don’t even need them to hold their jocks… just exist in the same room as them for Christ’s sake. They can grow into greatness if they can just find the right starting point.
At #6 I’d go with a Corner Back. It’s been a long time since the Steelers have had a really dominant Corner Back and since we don’t chase shut down free agents it will probably be a long time until we have another. That said, it’s always good to keep a stable of Corner Backs around. This is another position where we just have to keep putting guys in the hopper and hope one of them shakes out.
Finally, I think our #7 need is someone in the front 7 on defense. Whether that is another Defensive End or a Linebacker I’ll leave that up to the best value on the board at the time. But I do think we need to make sure we have enough development depth in our front 7 at all times. With Haggans gone it looks like Woodley will step up into the starting role but we may want to plug someone in to replace Woodley on the up and coming list.
That’s my assessment anyway. I’m not going to get too bent out of shape this year at the order the Steelers draft in as long as they address most of these needs. My one request is that they MUST draft at least one Offensive Lineman with the ability to start next season. I don’t think we should assume our O-Line is ready to go with the people we already have on the roster. Therefore I would ASSUME they would want to take an O-Line guy very early in the draft.
But we shall see. And at the risk of sounding redundant year to year, let me leave you with my annual pre-draft prayer:
Dear Lord, please do not let us draft a WR in the first round.
-David
Monday, March 17, 2008
Free Agency 2008
NFL free agency in 2008 started off like a rocket. There were a ton of big signings and also even bigger trades. I took some notes after the first couple days but never found the time to write about them. So without further delay, let’s get to this overdue analysis.
Starting with the greatest team in the league:
Pittsburgh Steelers: Obviously we lost Alan Faneca which we all saw coming. The Jets overpaid for him (but more on that when I talk about the Jets). Our other two losses were Jermaine Tuman to the Cardinals and Allen Rossum to the 49ers. Neither will really hurt the team and actually Rossum leaving will help the team because he sucked the biggest balls on Earth last year in his role as a return man.
Speaking of return men, our first signing right out of the chute was Mewelde Moore, former college stud turned Pro “blah” for the Minnesota Vikings. We picked him up as a return man and I suppose a potential 3rd down “pass catching” back. I love this signing. First, we desperately need a return man and he can’t be worse than what we’ve had for the last couple years. He just CAN’T be any worse. Next, he’s also a running back. While I don’t think we need another running back, it surely doesn’t hurt. Shit, who knows, he may return to his former college greatness and we may have a real steal on our hands. We also signed Kenyaron Fox as a back up linebacker and special teams player. I don’t really know him (came from KC, I think) but we can always use line backers and special teams players so it seems to make sense. I’m a little nervous that we have not signed any offensive linemen. I guess we’re going to just roll the dice that we can draft someone with immediate impact. Cross your fingers on that one. I saw that center Justin Hartwig (released from the Panthers) was in for an interview in the last couple days but I’m not too thrilled to sign him. The Panthers had a pretty stinky O-line last year also so while it probably wouldn’t be hard to be better than Mahan, I’m not sure this guy is the answer. I’m optimistic with the first two college prospects we brought in for interviews: 2 Defensive Ends. Lord knows we need at least one more “good” to “very good” defensive end after the Aaron Smith injury debacle last season. The line just sucked wind without Smith. While I still want an O-Line guy with our first two picks, you won’t see me bitching about taking a D-Line guy. Finally, I would be remiss not to mention that Big Ben will be pulling in a shitload of money for the next (8?) seasons. I can’t remember how much the contract was but I recall it averaged just under $13M per season and it was over $100M lifetime. He wasn’t a free agent and thank the gods of football that he won’t be anytime soon. Now we just need to pull in another Lombardi Trophy to make that investment worthwhile.
While the Steelers are never very active in free agency, the rest of the league surely was. Here are some random thoughts on other teams:
NY Jets: They win the “Dan Snyder” award for spending a shit load of money during free agency. They pulled in a lot of high priced talent on the O-Line (Faneca and Woody) and then turned around and gave Calvin Pace a massive contract to play linebacker. Now I think these are some good guys but I’m not sure any of them deserve the money they got. So the Jets front office is going to end up looking either very silly or very smart depending on how much gas is left in these tanks. They also pulled in Jesse Chatman from Miami which is a move I really like for them. They now have 3 backs (Jones, Washington, and Chatman) that could carry the load if they needed. They also picked up Tony Richardson to help that O-Line and RBs. If this fullback is still even a glimpse of his former self this Jets offense should be very strong with the run this year which will set up their passing game to… fail, I suppose since the one acquisition they didn’t spend a ton of money on was a QB. Will it be Pennington? Sloth Clemmons? Or a TBD draft pick? God only knows and God save the Jets. Between these two I guess I draft a QB of the future and start Clemmons again. So while I think the Jets are vastly improved they still won’t make it deep into the playoffs without fixing their QB problem. What a shame to waste a potentially good running game…
Tennessee Titans: I really like the pick up of Alge Crumpler. Sure, he may be all gimped up and never play well again, but if he is okay he’ll really help Vince Young by being the big safety valve that makes Phillip Rivers look like a good quarterback (I’m speaking of Antonio Gates, of course). I also like the pick up of Jake Scott from Indy. Bringing The Freak back (Javon Kearse) and Justin McCareins strikes me more as desperate as anything else.
Atlanta Falcons: I guess we finally know when Jerious Norwood will start for the Falcons now that Warrick Dunn is gone. NEVER! I would not have picked the Falcons to win the Michael Turner sweepstakes. In fact, they wouldn’t even have made the top 20 teams I would have thought would be going after him. I have to say that I question this move from the perspective of Turner. Spend the money wisely because you are going to lose for many seasons to come. This team is in a major rebuilding mode and it will be years before they get good enough to utilize your talents. In the meantime, prepare to run against 11 guys in the box for all 4 downs every series and prepare to be crippled in two years. I mean these fuckers re-signed Joey Harrington after releasing him a few weeks earlier for Christ’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, I’m okay with the Falcons re-building (I mean, the list of veterans they dumped this year is far too long to go into) but I wouldn’t have picked Michael Turner as the first piece of that puzzle. I guess I’m a fan of building from the inside out and that means starting with the lines, then a QB, and then a RB. But we’ll see.
Cleveland Browns: By far the winners of free agency by my calculations. I’m usually not a fan of selling draft picks to fill holes, but by sacrificing the first 3 picks of the 2008 draft they REALLY picked up some good talent (including Brady Quinn from last year’s draft for this year’s first round pick). First, they re-sign Anderson. I wouldn’t have done the deal quite that long (3 years, I think), but okay, it works. Then they pick up Shaun Rogers and Corey Williams to help the D line, their biggest weakness in 2007. They also manage to score Donte Stallworth and while he has never really panned out in his career he can only help their talented offense. Speaking of offense, don’t forget they re-signed Jamal Lewis and there is no reason to think he can’t repeat the stellar year he had in 2007. Finally, the brought in center Rex Hadnot which is who I wanted the Steelers to make a play for. This just goes to show you that the Browns are evil motherfuckers, as usual. The only problem I have with what the Browns have done is letting Leigh Bodden go in the Williams trade. I’m told he didn’t have a good 2007 season but he played very well in the games I saw him play and I would say he was their best DB. So I’m a little suspicious of their defensive backfield. They say a strong front 7 will cover up for a weak defensive backfield and you can’t argue their front 7 got better. So we’ll see how much they miss Bodden. I almost forgot! They also lost DB Richard Colclough which will be another big boost to the defense since he is a worthless fuck.
New England: Where did Richard “King of the Special Teams Fumbles” Colclough end up? None other than with the devil himself. Seems like a good fit to me because now they can all rot together in hell. New England’s defense took some serious hits this off-season. First, adding Colclough automatically makes them worse. In addition, they lost Asante Samuels and Randall Gay. So basically they have ZERO good defensive backs at this point? I mentioned that they say a good front seven will cover up for bad DBs, but were they talking about a front seven that are now able to get AARP cards (Junior Seau and Teddy Bruschi). This defense is fresh out of magic and they are going to suck next year. Good. Fuck those fucking twats and the coach they rode in on. This will be a train wreck that I really enjoy watching.
San Francisco 49ers. The only reason I didn’t already pick the Falcons to be the worst team in the NFL next season is because of the 49ers. Needless to say, these idiots picked up the oldest possible players at every position (I’m guessing) when they signed Isaac Bruce, DeShaun Foster, and shitbag Allen Rossum. Good fucking luck with those has beens. I gather they are looking for some leadership in their locker room or else they have just completely gone insane. I read today that they let D-Jax go which is hysterical since when they traded for him last year I thought they were stupid. At least they didn’t repeat their stupid error by playing him again. This team is in serious trouble.
But I’ll cap it off there. I could probably go on all day if I went through every team’s moves so I’ll leave it just to the ones that stood out to me.
We’re about 1 month from the NFL draft which is the Superbowl of the off-season so get your popcorn ready!
-David
Starting with the greatest team in the league:
Pittsburgh Steelers: Obviously we lost Alan Faneca which we all saw coming. The Jets overpaid for him (but more on that when I talk about the Jets). Our other two losses were Jermaine Tuman to the Cardinals and Allen Rossum to the 49ers. Neither will really hurt the team and actually Rossum leaving will help the team because he sucked the biggest balls on Earth last year in his role as a return man.
Speaking of return men, our first signing right out of the chute was Mewelde Moore, former college stud turned Pro “blah” for the Minnesota Vikings. We picked him up as a return man and I suppose a potential 3rd down “pass catching” back. I love this signing. First, we desperately need a return man and he can’t be worse than what we’ve had for the last couple years. He just CAN’T be any worse. Next, he’s also a running back. While I don’t think we need another running back, it surely doesn’t hurt. Shit, who knows, he may return to his former college greatness and we may have a real steal on our hands. We also signed Kenyaron Fox as a back up linebacker and special teams player. I don’t really know him (came from KC, I think) but we can always use line backers and special teams players so it seems to make sense. I’m a little nervous that we have not signed any offensive linemen. I guess we’re going to just roll the dice that we can draft someone with immediate impact. Cross your fingers on that one. I saw that center Justin Hartwig (released from the Panthers) was in for an interview in the last couple days but I’m not too thrilled to sign him. The Panthers had a pretty stinky O-line last year also so while it probably wouldn’t be hard to be better than Mahan, I’m not sure this guy is the answer. I’m optimistic with the first two college prospects we brought in for interviews: 2 Defensive Ends. Lord knows we need at least one more “good” to “very good” defensive end after the Aaron Smith injury debacle last season. The line just sucked wind without Smith. While I still want an O-Line guy with our first two picks, you won’t see me bitching about taking a D-Line guy. Finally, I would be remiss not to mention that Big Ben will be pulling in a shitload of money for the next (8?) seasons. I can’t remember how much the contract was but I recall it averaged just under $13M per season and it was over $100M lifetime. He wasn’t a free agent and thank the gods of football that he won’t be anytime soon. Now we just need to pull in another Lombardi Trophy to make that investment worthwhile.
While the Steelers are never very active in free agency, the rest of the league surely was. Here are some random thoughts on other teams:
NY Jets: They win the “Dan Snyder” award for spending a shit load of money during free agency. They pulled in a lot of high priced talent on the O-Line (Faneca and Woody) and then turned around and gave Calvin Pace a massive contract to play linebacker. Now I think these are some good guys but I’m not sure any of them deserve the money they got. So the Jets front office is going to end up looking either very silly or very smart depending on how much gas is left in these tanks. They also pulled in Jesse Chatman from Miami which is a move I really like for them. They now have 3 backs (Jones, Washington, and Chatman) that could carry the load if they needed. They also picked up Tony Richardson to help that O-Line and RBs. If this fullback is still even a glimpse of his former self this Jets offense should be very strong with the run this year which will set up their passing game to… fail, I suppose since the one acquisition they didn’t spend a ton of money on was a QB. Will it be Pennington? Sloth Clemmons? Or a TBD draft pick? God only knows and God save the Jets. Between these two I guess I draft a QB of the future and start Clemmons again. So while I think the Jets are vastly improved they still won’t make it deep into the playoffs without fixing their QB problem. What a shame to waste a potentially good running game…
Tennessee Titans: I really like the pick up of Alge Crumpler. Sure, he may be all gimped up and never play well again, but if he is okay he’ll really help Vince Young by being the big safety valve that makes Phillip Rivers look like a good quarterback (I’m speaking of Antonio Gates, of course). I also like the pick up of Jake Scott from Indy. Bringing The Freak back (Javon Kearse) and Justin McCareins strikes me more as desperate as anything else.
Atlanta Falcons: I guess we finally know when Jerious Norwood will start for the Falcons now that Warrick Dunn is gone. NEVER! I would not have picked the Falcons to win the Michael Turner sweepstakes. In fact, they wouldn’t even have made the top 20 teams I would have thought would be going after him. I have to say that I question this move from the perspective of Turner. Spend the money wisely because you are going to lose for many seasons to come. This team is in a major rebuilding mode and it will be years before they get good enough to utilize your talents. In the meantime, prepare to run against 11 guys in the box for all 4 downs every series and prepare to be crippled in two years. I mean these fuckers re-signed Joey Harrington after releasing him a few weeks earlier for Christ’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, I’m okay with the Falcons re-building (I mean, the list of veterans they dumped this year is far too long to go into) but I wouldn’t have picked Michael Turner as the first piece of that puzzle. I guess I’m a fan of building from the inside out and that means starting with the lines, then a QB, and then a RB. But we’ll see.
Cleveland Browns: By far the winners of free agency by my calculations. I’m usually not a fan of selling draft picks to fill holes, but by sacrificing the first 3 picks of the 2008 draft they REALLY picked up some good talent (including Brady Quinn from last year’s draft for this year’s first round pick). First, they re-sign Anderson. I wouldn’t have done the deal quite that long (3 years, I think), but okay, it works. Then they pick up Shaun Rogers and Corey Williams to help the D line, their biggest weakness in 2007. They also manage to score Donte Stallworth and while he has never really panned out in his career he can only help their talented offense. Speaking of offense, don’t forget they re-signed Jamal Lewis and there is no reason to think he can’t repeat the stellar year he had in 2007. Finally, the brought in center Rex Hadnot which is who I wanted the Steelers to make a play for. This just goes to show you that the Browns are evil motherfuckers, as usual. The only problem I have with what the Browns have done is letting Leigh Bodden go in the Williams trade. I’m told he didn’t have a good 2007 season but he played very well in the games I saw him play and I would say he was their best DB. So I’m a little suspicious of their defensive backfield. They say a strong front 7 will cover up for a weak defensive backfield and you can’t argue their front 7 got better. So we’ll see how much they miss Bodden. I almost forgot! They also lost DB Richard Colclough which will be another big boost to the defense since he is a worthless fuck.
New England: Where did Richard “King of the Special Teams Fumbles” Colclough end up? None other than with the devil himself. Seems like a good fit to me because now they can all rot together in hell. New England’s defense took some serious hits this off-season. First, adding Colclough automatically makes them worse. In addition, they lost Asante Samuels and Randall Gay. So basically they have ZERO good defensive backs at this point? I mentioned that they say a good front seven will cover up for bad DBs, but were they talking about a front seven that are now able to get AARP cards (Junior Seau and Teddy Bruschi). This defense is fresh out of magic and they are going to suck next year. Good. Fuck those fucking twats and the coach they rode in on. This will be a train wreck that I really enjoy watching.
San Francisco 49ers. The only reason I didn’t already pick the Falcons to be the worst team in the NFL next season is because of the 49ers. Needless to say, these idiots picked up the oldest possible players at every position (I’m guessing) when they signed Isaac Bruce, DeShaun Foster, and shitbag Allen Rossum. Good fucking luck with those has beens. I gather they are looking for some leadership in their locker room or else they have just completely gone insane. I read today that they let D-Jax go which is hysterical since when they traded for him last year I thought they were stupid. At least they didn’t repeat their stupid error by playing him again. This team is in serious trouble.
But I’ll cap it off there. I could probably go on all day if I went through every team’s moves so I’ll leave it just to the ones that stood out to me.
We’re about 1 month from the NFL draft which is the Superbowl of the off-season so get your popcorn ready!
-David
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Danzig = Insanity
Last weekend the local crew got together and went to the Los Lobos show. The concert itself was really very good and one of the highlights was when one of the lead Lobos (the one that wears the dark Ray Bans all the time) came into the bar we were drinking at before the show and sang with one of the local mini-mariachi groups that walk around to the different Downtown bars and restaurants and sing for the guests. And it was in that very same bar, after the show, that my life took an unexpected turn.
It started out with a seemingly innocent comment made by my buddy Jack. He stated something to the effect that Danzig was the lead singer of The Cult. My wife, being a closet Cult fan, quickly chastised Jack. At first, I thought we were going to get a challenge and then at least a bet out of the disagreement (if not a knife fight, a pistol duel, or some such act in the name of defending honor). But in the drunken disarray the conversation thread meandered on in a different direction.
Later than night as the clock wound around the wee hours of the morning, my wife and I were driving home and jamming to some tunes when she said, “Hey, it’s Danzig!” I listened and then said something to the effect of, “I hate Danzig” or “Danzig is a douchebag”. She then got quite angry with me because it wasn’t actually Danzig at all: it was The Cult and she was just making a joke.
As the following week progressed, I ended up hearing two additional Cult songs on the radio and I must say: the lead singer really does sound like Glen Danzig! I can certainly understand why Jack would have got them confused.
But that’s not the point of the story, and neither is this:
About 12 years ago or so, probably in the year 1995, I was having a little party with some of my friends in my little apartment in Niles, Ohio. My buddy Rick was there with what I think was his new girlfriend or maybe his new wife (most of the night is now a vague fog to me). Some how the topic of conversation turned to Danzig and I stated how I thought he was a tool or some such insult. Rick’s lady friend took great offense to my comment. She was a music minor in college (playing the trumpet? Flute? No I think trumpet) and went on to explain that Danzig was actually a good musician and can play a bunch of different instruments.
After listening to her argument I made a statement to the effect of, “I think he’s a fucking twat”. She got visibly pissed at that point and I don’t recall us speaking the rest of the night. You’ve got to love beer.
But that’s not the point of the story, this is:
For the last couple weeks I’ve developed a hypothesis that either my buddy Bud or I am going crazy. There have been quite a few clues to support this idea but I won’t bore you with the details especially since there is at least a 50% chance that I’m the one that is insane so these clues would probably sound like the ramblings of a lunatic anyhow.
Now, more so than ever, I fear that it is I who has gone off the mental deep end, leaving Bud relatively sane I suppose. Not necessarily normal for sure, but sane.
You see, Random Acts of Danzig (or RAD) don’t happen to sane people. If the normal human lifespan is something like 75 years, you should really never have a RAD. And if you were to be one of the statistically unlucky ones to have one it should be limited to one and only one.
Random Acts of KISS are fine as are Random Acts of Deep Purple because these bands have a deep body of work that is relatively well known. Statistically speaking they have left their mark upon our society to the point that they will enter your lives at certain times whether you listen to them or not. It is inevitable and cannot be avoided.
But Random Acts of Danzig? Come on, Danzig is a jag-off and he only really had one song that could remotely be called a hit (Mother) and it still sucked balls. The vast majority of people will sail through life without even realizing an abomination like Danzig even exists.
So why am I experiencing two RADs in 12 years? I fear it is because the fabric of my mind is starting to unravel. My soul has now tapped into a dark place where all the horrors of our collective lives are stored. Soon, the un-harnessed power of my mind will cross time and space and come into direct contact with Those Whose Names Must Not Be Mentioned and the super freaky shit will really hit the fan.
Let’s face it: my shit is doomed. My advice to you is grab your popcorn and watch the final acts of this show play out as I sink into immeasurable madness. And if you see me running around in my underwear, waving a gun, and screaming about the darkness on the edge of the shadows of my vision, I recommend you turn around and run the other way. Fast.
-David
It started out with a seemingly innocent comment made by my buddy Jack. He stated something to the effect that Danzig was the lead singer of The Cult. My wife, being a closet Cult fan, quickly chastised Jack. At first, I thought we were going to get a challenge and then at least a bet out of the disagreement (if not a knife fight, a pistol duel, or some such act in the name of defending honor). But in the drunken disarray the conversation thread meandered on in a different direction.
Later than night as the clock wound around the wee hours of the morning, my wife and I were driving home and jamming to some tunes when she said, “Hey, it’s Danzig!” I listened and then said something to the effect of, “I hate Danzig” or “Danzig is a douchebag”. She then got quite angry with me because it wasn’t actually Danzig at all: it was The Cult and she was just making a joke.
As the following week progressed, I ended up hearing two additional Cult songs on the radio and I must say: the lead singer really does sound like Glen Danzig! I can certainly understand why Jack would have got them confused.
But that’s not the point of the story, and neither is this:
About 12 years ago or so, probably in the year 1995, I was having a little party with some of my friends in my little apartment in Niles, Ohio. My buddy Rick was there with what I think was his new girlfriend or maybe his new wife (most of the night is now a vague fog to me). Some how the topic of conversation turned to Danzig and I stated how I thought he was a tool or some such insult. Rick’s lady friend took great offense to my comment. She was a music minor in college (playing the trumpet? Flute? No I think trumpet) and went on to explain that Danzig was actually a good musician and can play a bunch of different instruments.
After listening to her argument I made a statement to the effect of, “I think he’s a fucking twat”. She got visibly pissed at that point and I don’t recall us speaking the rest of the night. You’ve got to love beer.
But that’s not the point of the story, this is:
For the last couple weeks I’ve developed a hypothesis that either my buddy Bud or I am going crazy. There have been quite a few clues to support this idea but I won’t bore you with the details especially since there is at least a 50% chance that I’m the one that is insane so these clues would probably sound like the ramblings of a lunatic anyhow.
Now, more so than ever, I fear that it is I who has gone off the mental deep end, leaving Bud relatively sane I suppose. Not necessarily normal for sure, but sane.
You see, Random Acts of Danzig (or RAD) don’t happen to sane people. If the normal human lifespan is something like 75 years, you should really never have a RAD. And if you were to be one of the statistically unlucky ones to have one it should be limited to one and only one.
Random Acts of KISS are fine as are Random Acts of Deep Purple because these bands have a deep body of work that is relatively well known. Statistically speaking they have left their mark upon our society to the point that they will enter your lives at certain times whether you listen to them or not. It is inevitable and cannot be avoided.
But Random Acts of Danzig? Come on, Danzig is a jag-off and he only really had one song that could remotely be called a hit (Mother) and it still sucked balls. The vast majority of people will sail through life without even realizing an abomination like Danzig even exists.
So why am I experiencing two RADs in 12 years? I fear it is because the fabric of my mind is starting to unravel. My soul has now tapped into a dark place where all the horrors of our collective lives are stored. Soon, the un-harnessed power of my mind will cross time and space and come into direct contact with Those Whose Names Must Not Be Mentioned and the super freaky shit will really hit the fan.
Let’s face it: my shit is doomed. My advice to you is grab your popcorn and watch the final acts of this show play out as I sink into immeasurable madness. And if you see me running around in my underwear, waving a gun, and screaming about the darkness on the edge of the shadows of my vision, I recommend you turn around and run the other way. Fast.
-David
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I guess I'm just and old man
I really want to buy Mojo Nixon’s “Bo-Day-Shus” album. The problem is that I think it is out of print. I was online a couple days ago to look at my options and I don’t really care for either of them.
Option #1 is to buy a used copy for $30 on CD. I don’t care for this option because I just don’t like paying over MSRP for music. It’s not like the artist is making all that extra profit. It’s just some dipshit that doesn’t realize he should be rocking out to his CDs rather than selling them.
Option #2 is to buy the whole album as an .mp3 download. I certainly cannot argue with the price at only $8. The other benefit is that I listen to my music collection about 99% of the time in the form of .mp3s anyway. I rip all my CDs to my computer and use that or my .mp3 player to play the songs.
But while Option #2 is convenient, I struggle with making the transaction. There is something about not physically possessing the CD that disturbs me. Why is that?
As I analyzed my fear of buying an album on .mp3 my first thought went to the CD packaging. I wouldn’t get the album cover. Nor would I get the liner notes and possibly the lyrics. I also wouldn’t get the satisfaction of sliding it into the CD rack with all its brothers and sisters that form the intimidating wall of rock in my living room.
But are any of those reason’s really good enough to pay $30 for a used CD when I could just spend $8 for the download?
Probably not.
What we have here is a case of me being an old man. I suspect that I’m going through the same moral dilemma the last generation went through when they were horrified to realize that some new releases would not come out on vinyl and they would have to buy it on CD. I think I’m just clinging to the old technology because that is what I’m familiar with and therefore it is very comfortable.
Because in the end, come on, am I ever going to actually play the physical CD once I rip it to .mp3? Am I ever going to look at the pictures more than once or refer to the liner notes when my first instinct when researching a band is the internet?
So why can’t I just push the button and buy the .mp3 album?
This is the part of getting old I don’t like. I can live with taking 4 or 5 times as long to recover from a hard night of drinking. I can take waking up every night to take a piss and then dribbling it everywhere because my urethra is played out. I can live with a metabolism that has all but ground to a complete halt. But I can’t handle the irrational notion that what I had in my past was the best just because it was from the “good old days”.
Alas, even though I see that is what’s happening it is still very hard to overcome. What a powerful force the “good old days” are. And if I can’t break out of this funk, I may as well just give in and start eating peanut brittle and watching re-runs of the Lawrence Welk show.
So I ask you to wish me luck, because there is only so long a sane man can go without listening to “Gin Guzzlin’ Frenzy”. Something will have to come to a head sooner rather than later.
The clock is ticking,
-David
Option #1 is to buy a used copy for $30 on CD. I don’t care for this option because I just don’t like paying over MSRP for music. It’s not like the artist is making all that extra profit. It’s just some dipshit that doesn’t realize he should be rocking out to his CDs rather than selling them.
Option #2 is to buy the whole album as an .mp3 download. I certainly cannot argue with the price at only $8. The other benefit is that I listen to my music collection about 99% of the time in the form of .mp3s anyway. I rip all my CDs to my computer and use that or my .mp3 player to play the songs.
But while Option #2 is convenient, I struggle with making the transaction. There is something about not physically possessing the CD that disturbs me. Why is that?
As I analyzed my fear of buying an album on .mp3 my first thought went to the CD packaging. I wouldn’t get the album cover. Nor would I get the liner notes and possibly the lyrics. I also wouldn’t get the satisfaction of sliding it into the CD rack with all its brothers and sisters that form the intimidating wall of rock in my living room.
But are any of those reason’s really good enough to pay $30 for a used CD when I could just spend $8 for the download?
Probably not.
What we have here is a case of me being an old man. I suspect that I’m going through the same moral dilemma the last generation went through when they were horrified to realize that some new releases would not come out on vinyl and they would have to buy it on CD. I think I’m just clinging to the old technology because that is what I’m familiar with and therefore it is very comfortable.
Because in the end, come on, am I ever going to actually play the physical CD once I rip it to .mp3? Am I ever going to look at the pictures more than once or refer to the liner notes when my first instinct when researching a band is the internet?
So why can’t I just push the button and buy the .mp3 album?
This is the part of getting old I don’t like. I can live with taking 4 or 5 times as long to recover from a hard night of drinking. I can take waking up every night to take a piss and then dribbling it everywhere because my urethra is played out. I can live with a metabolism that has all but ground to a complete halt. But I can’t handle the irrational notion that what I had in my past was the best just because it was from the “good old days”.
Alas, even though I see that is what’s happening it is still very hard to overcome. What a powerful force the “good old days” are. And if I can’t break out of this funk, I may as well just give in and start eating peanut brittle and watching re-runs of the Lawrence Welk show.
So I ask you to wish me luck, because there is only so long a sane man can go without listening to “Gin Guzzlin’ Frenzy”. Something will have to come to a head sooner rather than later.
The clock is ticking,
-David
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Can I really not watch the Superbowl?
My post season record is shot. I think it is 4-6 or something like that. Thank the heavens that I will not fall to 4-7. That is not because I will pick the winner of Superbowl XLII correctly. That’s because I refuse to pick a winner.
What a moral dilemma this Superbowl presents to me: On one side we have the team I hate the most in the NFL at the moment: The New England Patriots. On the other side we have Eli Manning and Plaxico Burress. We have a team from New York. What possible good outcome could there be if either team wins?
None.
Either team winning brings its own version of hell to me. If ever there was a sign of the apocalypse it would probably be Tom Brady lifting his 4th Lombardi trophy or Eli Manning lifting his first. Both might bet the anti-christ, by the way.
On second thought, neither of them are the anti-christ because he is supposed to be charismatic. Eli Manning is far too simple minded to be charismatic and Tom Brady is just a flaming asshole / dickhead. The only reason most of you can’t see it is because the Patriots organization know this and therefore limit his public speaking so it does not interrupt the heavy earth moving equipment that maneuvers Robert Kraft’s money from Gillette Stadium to his bank.
I really could care less who wins this game. I would say that I’m not going to watch it but I really don’t think I can control myself. Even though there is a 99% chance I’ll be miserable at the end of the game what if this is the game where someone breaks Brady’s arm? Or maybe Teddy Bruschi will have another stroke right in the middle of the field and his head will explode throwing skull shrapnel into Junior Seau’s eyeball. Or what if giant, man eating scorpions descend into Phoenix and devour both teams? I just can’t risk not witnessing those possibilities. That would be a win for me.
This game actually reminds of the last time the New York Giants made it to the Superbowl. It was 2000 or 2001 and it was the Giants vs the Ravens. Strangely enough it was also the last Superbowl where I didn’t feel strongly about one team winning. That Superbowl had every sign of being a snooze fest and didn’t disappoint when Baltimore finally beat the inept Giants without even scoring an offensive touchdown if memory serves. That was probably one of the most irrelevant Superbowls in history. For fuck’s sake I think the QBs were Trent Dilfer vs Kerry Collins. Can it get more irrelevant than that? Superbowl XLII will probably take it’s place in history right next to that abomination. That is a testament to how boring the Giants are and how much I really just hate thinking about the Patriots.
Fuck this game. Fuck those teams. A pox on their families for all time. And if there is a hell, it can’t be any worse than what I’ll most likely be watching on February 3rd, 2008.
The off season can’t come too soon.
-David
What a moral dilemma this Superbowl presents to me: On one side we have the team I hate the most in the NFL at the moment: The New England Patriots. On the other side we have Eli Manning and Plaxico Burress. We have a team from New York. What possible good outcome could there be if either team wins?
None.
Either team winning brings its own version of hell to me. If ever there was a sign of the apocalypse it would probably be Tom Brady lifting his 4th Lombardi trophy or Eli Manning lifting his first. Both might bet the anti-christ, by the way.
On second thought, neither of them are the anti-christ because he is supposed to be charismatic. Eli Manning is far too simple minded to be charismatic and Tom Brady is just a flaming asshole / dickhead. The only reason most of you can’t see it is because the Patriots organization know this and therefore limit his public speaking so it does not interrupt the heavy earth moving equipment that maneuvers Robert Kraft’s money from Gillette Stadium to his bank.
I really could care less who wins this game. I would say that I’m not going to watch it but I really don’t think I can control myself. Even though there is a 99% chance I’ll be miserable at the end of the game what if this is the game where someone breaks Brady’s arm? Or maybe Teddy Bruschi will have another stroke right in the middle of the field and his head will explode throwing skull shrapnel into Junior Seau’s eyeball. Or what if giant, man eating scorpions descend into Phoenix and devour both teams? I just can’t risk not witnessing those possibilities. That would be a win for me.
This game actually reminds of the last time the New York Giants made it to the Superbowl. It was 2000 or 2001 and it was the Giants vs the Ravens. Strangely enough it was also the last Superbowl where I didn’t feel strongly about one team winning. That Superbowl had every sign of being a snooze fest and didn’t disappoint when Baltimore finally beat the inept Giants without even scoring an offensive touchdown if memory serves. That was probably one of the most irrelevant Superbowls in history. For fuck’s sake I think the QBs were Trent Dilfer vs Kerry Collins. Can it get more irrelevant than that? Superbowl XLII will probably take it’s place in history right next to that abomination. That is a testament to how boring the Giants are and how much I really just hate thinking about the Patriots.
Fuck this game. Fuck those teams. A pox on their families for all time. And if there is a hell, it can’t be any worse than what I’ll most likely be watching on February 3rd, 2008.
The off season can’t come too soon.
-David
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Why ruin a perfect .500 post season?
For two post seasons in a row I can’t seem to move the needle off .500 with my predictions. Again, that’s why I never bet on football.
As I consider the games this weekend, before I can think about who’ll win I need to consider who has a chance to beat the Patriots. As the weeks continue to roll on, my hatred for the Patriots mounts to an almost unbearable level. If someone doesn’t knock these fuckers out of the playoffs I’m just going to have to lock myself in a room for 2 or 3 days and cry. Oh how I hate Tom Brady and Bill Belifuck.
Strangely enough, I think all 3 teams remaining that could face them could beat them. The key is their defense. The Giants, Packers, and Chargers all have a physical defense that can put pressure on a quarterback. Let’s face it, no one is going to shut down the Patriots offense but I think any of those teams could hold them to between 20 and 30 points. So then you consider: which offense can score 30+ points?
Scoring 30+ points on the New England defense isn’t actually the problem since their defense isn’t really all that great. It’s above average, but it’s old and it is easily the worse defense of the 4 teams remaining. The problem is most of the teams left have an anemic offense.
We can rule out the Giants right now. There is no way they are going to run up a score on the Patriots. Eli will come back down to earth and this team will struggle. So that’s a big NO for NY.
The Chargers could do it... Especially if they field a healthy team (more on this later). But I’d say if you let them play 5 games and went for the majority most of the time San Diego would probably come up short. I just don’t see them being able to consistently come out there and run up the score if you can take LT out of the equation. I trust Rivers only a tiny bit more than Eli. But luckily they only pay one game, not five. So we’ll give the Chargers a maybe.
Green Bay can easily score 30+ points against New England. Hell, they could score 40+ points on them. This is a definite yes.
If Green Bay’s defense plays like they did in the first half of the year (or the way they did against Seattle last week), this team beasts the Patriots. If the Charger’s defense plays at top level and their offense plays at tippy top level they could beat the Patriots. If Randy Moss gets put in jail and the devil finally comes to collect Tom Brady’s soul, the Giants could possibly beat the Patriots. Ah, who am I kidding, they still couldn’t do it. They’ll implode long before then. Eli Manning sucks big balls.
On to this week’s predictions:
In case you haven’t noticed I’m not real big on New York. I know you’re not supposed to look past a game but I think it’s safe for Green Bay to start considering New England. This won’t even be a game. The Giants offense won’t score more than 10 points against the Packers. I’m thinking something like 52-17 Packers.
The AFC Championship game intrigues me. In the end, the Patriots will probably roll pretty handily over the Chargers. But as I stated above, the Chargers can do it. I know Rivers, Tomlinson, and Gates are all injured, but that isn’t the end of the world. Well, if Gates can play it’s not the end of the world, anyway. He can’t be replaced. But since he played last week I would think he’ll play this week and hopefully be effective this time given one more week to heal. The good news for the Chargers is that they have two of the most capable back ups in the league with Billy Volek and Michael Turner. In fact, Turner is hands down the best back up running back in the league (in my book). And in case you forget remember what Volek did with the Titan’s a few years ago at the end of the season. Those 4,321 touchdowns passes from Volek to Drew Bennet in the span of 3 games still haunts me (they were not on my fantasy team).
This game all comes down to Norv Turner. Will he trust that his TEAM can win a game? By that I mean he needs to field his healthy players and give them a chance to win. If Rivers is too injured, don’t play him just because he’s your #1 QB. Play Volek. Same with LT. If he is not 85% or higher, play Turner. Don’t handicap the rest of your team by playing a lame duck when the back ups are this good. I don’t think New England’s defense is all that, but even 100 year old Junior Seau can run down a guy that’s limping.
So please, Norv, remember it’s a team sport and put the guys on the field that can give your team a chance to win. Don’t look past the talent of your back ups and play your injured starters because you think they are the only guys who can do it. Play your healthy players. That’s why you have a bench. You do that, you can win.
So for shits and giggles, I’m picking the Chargers this week. How about 27-24?
Hell, why ruin a perfect .500 post season?
-David
As I consider the games this weekend, before I can think about who’ll win I need to consider who has a chance to beat the Patriots. As the weeks continue to roll on, my hatred for the Patriots mounts to an almost unbearable level. If someone doesn’t knock these fuckers out of the playoffs I’m just going to have to lock myself in a room for 2 or 3 days and cry. Oh how I hate Tom Brady and Bill Belifuck.
Strangely enough, I think all 3 teams remaining that could face them could beat them. The key is their defense. The Giants, Packers, and Chargers all have a physical defense that can put pressure on a quarterback. Let’s face it, no one is going to shut down the Patriots offense but I think any of those teams could hold them to between 20 and 30 points. So then you consider: which offense can score 30+ points?
Scoring 30+ points on the New England defense isn’t actually the problem since their defense isn’t really all that great. It’s above average, but it’s old and it is easily the worse defense of the 4 teams remaining. The problem is most of the teams left have an anemic offense.
We can rule out the Giants right now. There is no way they are going to run up a score on the Patriots. Eli will come back down to earth and this team will struggle. So that’s a big NO for NY.
The Chargers could do it... Especially if they field a healthy team (more on this later). But I’d say if you let them play 5 games and went for the majority most of the time San Diego would probably come up short. I just don’t see them being able to consistently come out there and run up the score if you can take LT out of the equation. I trust Rivers only a tiny bit more than Eli. But luckily they only pay one game, not five. So we’ll give the Chargers a maybe.
Green Bay can easily score 30+ points against New England. Hell, they could score 40+ points on them. This is a definite yes.
If Green Bay’s defense plays like they did in the first half of the year (or the way they did against Seattle last week), this team beasts the Patriots. If the Charger’s defense plays at top level and their offense plays at tippy top level they could beat the Patriots. If Randy Moss gets put in jail and the devil finally comes to collect Tom Brady’s soul, the Giants could possibly beat the Patriots. Ah, who am I kidding, they still couldn’t do it. They’ll implode long before then. Eli Manning sucks big balls.
On to this week’s predictions:
In case you haven’t noticed I’m not real big on New York. I know you’re not supposed to look past a game but I think it’s safe for Green Bay to start considering New England. This won’t even be a game. The Giants offense won’t score more than 10 points against the Packers. I’m thinking something like 52-17 Packers.
The AFC Championship game intrigues me. In the end, the Patriots will probably roll pretty handily over the Chargers. But as I stated above, the Chargers can do it. I know Rivers, Tomlinson, and Gates are all injured, but that isn’t the end of the world. Well, if Gates can play it’s not the end of the world, anyway. He can’t be replaced. But since he played last week I would think he’ll play this week and hopefully be effective this time given one more week to heal. The good news for the Chargers is that they have two of the most capable back ups in the league with Billy Volek and Michael Turner. In fact, Turner is hands down the best back up running back in the league (in my book). And in case you forget remember what Volek did with the Titan’s a few years ago at the end of the season. Those 4,321 touchdowns passes from Volek to Drew Bennet in the span of 3 games still haunts me (they were not on my fantasy team).
This game all comes down to Norv Turner. Will he trust that his TEAM can win a game? By that I mean he needs to field his healthy players and give them a chance to win. If Rivers is too injured, don’t play him just because he’s your #1 QB. Play Volek. Same with LT. If he is not 85% or higher, play Turner. Don’t handicap the rest of your team by playing a lame duck when the back ups are this good. I don’t think New England’s defense is all that, but even 100 year old Junior Seau can run down a guy that’s limping.
So please, Norv, remember it’s a team sport and put the guys on the field that can give your team a chance to win. Don’t look past the talent of your back ups and play your injured starters because you think they are the only guys who can do it. Play your healthy players. That’s why you have a bench. You do that, you can win.
So for shits and giggles, I’m picking the Chargers this week. How about 27-24?
Hell, why ruin a perfect .500 post season?
-David
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Cowher to Washington?
Well the Steelers bowed out of the playoffs more gracefully than I expected. In the days leading up to the game I had them as losing by 21 points. On the day of the game I softened up a bit and called them losing by 14 points. So I consider a defeat by 2 points to be a small victory.
Let’s just hope Tomlin learns from his mistakes in that game, we have a good draft with nothing but offensive lineman, and we hire a circus freak as a second kicker who can kick a ball 200 yards out the back of any endzone. If we can do that, we can win next year.
That game was damn near the only one I picked correctly last week. I took Washington (lost), Jacksonville (won), Tampa Bay (lost), and San Diego (won). So I’m sitting at 2-2. I’d have to go back and check but I think I pretty much ended up at .500 last post season so I can see my trend continues.
For the record I think New England and Indy win this weekend as well as Dallas and Green Bay.
I think Indy wins the AFC and Dallas wins the NFC.
I think Indy takes it all and makes it 2 in a row.
But now I turn my attention from the active game to the offseason – the game within the game. The first few coaching vacancies (Atlanta, Miami, and Baltimore) didn’t interest me much. Who really cares who fills in for those shitball teams? But when Joe Gibbs stepped down my Bill Cowher radar went off. I think I’ve said it here in the past but I expect Bill to go to an owner with very deep pockets when he goes back to coaching. That narrows it down to Jerry Jones in Dallas, Daniel Snyder in Washington, and Randy Lerner in Cleveland. That’s why I was so big on Jones using Wade Phillips as a pawn (until Wade fucked up his master plan by having the best team in the NFC!).
I also think Cowher would be smart to come back in the NFC and I think he knows that. The NFC is still pretty weak compared to the AFC and if a team was to institute some hard core, smash mouth football featuring a punishing running game they could cut through the NFC like a hot knife through warm butter. That’s Bill Cowher football right there.
So now I focus on Washington: Daniel Snyder has more money than god and can afford to give Cowher $6+ million a year. He also has a terrific running back tandem in Clinton Portis and Ladell Betts. Cowher could take this team and turn them into a powerhouse.
Therefore even though he gave Arthur Blank that bullshit line about staying out of coaching for another year, don’t be surprised if Cowher is the Redskins head coach in 2008. In fact if you want to make a bet on it, give me a call.
-David
Let’s just hope Tomlin learns from his mistakes in that game, we have a good draft with nothing but offensive lineman, and we hire a circus freak as a second kicker who can kick a ball 200 yards out the back of any endzone. If we can do that, we can win next year.
That game was damn near the only one I picked correctly last week. I took Washington (lost), Jacksonville (won), Tampa Bay (lost), and San Diego (won). So I’m sitting at 2-2. I’d have to go back and check but I think I pretty much ended up at .500 last post season so I can see my trend continues.
For the record I think New England and Indy win this weekend as well as Dallas and Green Bay.
I think Indy wins the AFC and Dallas wins the NFC.
I think Indy takes it all and makes it 2 in a row.
But now I turn my attention from the active game to the offseason – the game within the game. The first few coaching vacancies (Atlanta, Miami, and Baltimore) didn’t interest me much. Who really cares who fills in for those shitball teams? But when Joe Gibbs stepped down my Bill Cowher radar went off. I think I’ve said it here in the past but I expect Bill to go to an owner with very deep pockets when he goes back to coaching. That narrows it down to Jerry Jones in Dallas, Daniel Snyder in Washington, and Randy Lerner in Cleveland. That’s why I was so big on Jones using Wade Phillips as a pawn (until Wade fucked up his master plan by having the best team in the NFC!).
I also think Cowher would be smart to come back in the NFC and I think he knows that. The NFC is still pretty weak compared to the AFC and if a team was to institute some hard core, smash mouth football featuring a punishing running game they could cut through the NFC like a hot knife through warm butter. That’s Bill Cowher football right there.
So now I focus on Washington: Daniel Snyder has more money than god and can afford to give Cowher $6+ million a year. He also has a terrific running back tandem in Clinton Portis and Ladell Betts. Cowher could take this team and turn them into a powerhouse.
Therefore even though he gave Arthur Blank that bullshit line about staying out of coaching for another year, don’t be surprised if Cowher is the Redskins head coach in 2008. In fact if you want to make a bet on it, give me a call.
-David
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