My post season record is shot. I think it is 4-6 or something like that. Thank the heavens that I will not fall to 4-7. That is not because I will pick the winner of Superbowl XLII correctly. That’s because I refuse to pick a winner.
What a moral dilemma this Superbowl presents to me: On one side we have the team I hate the most in the NFL at the moment: The New England Patriots. On the other side we have Eli Manning and Plaxico Burress. We have a team from New York. What possible good outcome could there be if either team wins?
None.
Either team winning brings its own version of hell to me. If ever there was a sign of the apocalypse it would probably be Tom Brady lifting his 4th Lombardi trophy or Eli Manning lifting his first. Both might bet the anti-christ, by the way.
On second thought, neither of them are the anti-christ because he is supposed to be charismatic. Eli Manning is far too simple minded to be charismatic and Tom Brady is just a flaming asshole / dickhead. The only reason most of you can’t see it is because the Patriots organization know this and therefore limit his public speaking so it does not interrupt the heavy earth moving equipment that maneuvers Robert Kraft’s money from Gillette Stadium to his bank.
I really could care less who wins this game. I would say that I’m not going to watch it but I really don’t think I can control myself. Even though there is a 99% chance I’ll be miserable at the end of the game what if this is the game where someone breaks Brady’s arm? Or maybe Teddy Bruschi will have another stroke right in the middle of the field and his head will explode throwing skull shrapnel into Junior Seau’s eyeball. Or what if giant, man eating scorpions descend into Phoenix and devour both teams? I just can’t risk not witnessing those possibilities. That would be a win for me.
This game actually reminds of the last time the New York Giants made it to the Superbowl. It was 2000 or 2001 and it was the Giants vs the Ravens. Strangely enough it was also the last Superbowl where I didn’t feel strongly about one team winning. That Superbowl had every sign of being a snooze fest and didn’t disappoint when Baltimore finally beat the inept Giants without even scoring an offensive touchdown if memory serves. That was probably one of the most irrelevant Superbowls in history. For fuck’s sake I think the QBs were Trent Dilfer vs Kerry Collins. Can it get more irrelevant than that? Superbowl XLII will probably take it’s place in history right next to that abomination. That is a testament to how boring the Giants are and how much I really just hate thinking about the Patriots.
Fuck this game. Fuck those teams. A pox on their families for all time. And if there is a hell, it can’t be any worse than what I’ll most likely be watching on February 3rd, 2008.
The off season can’t come too soon.
-David
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I prefer to think of Brady as a gaping asshole, a phrase I've stolen from HBO's The Wire. I do like flaming asshole, but it has a certain pizzazz that I think is better reserved for someone that has some kind of redeeming quality.
Sometimes the character Rawls would jazz it up a bit by calling someone a "swollen, gaping asshole." That is you, Brady. That is you.
I'd say the term fits very well. BRAVO!
Well, did you watch it? I watched about five minutes at the end which was, at it turns out, the five minutes to watch. For me, this is no contest. I don't like the Giants, but I hate the Patriots. I was very pleased to see them lose and I think them having a "perfect" season only made their defeat all the better. But yes, for whatever reason, Pretty Boy Tom Brady rubs me the wrong way. Although I do enjoy the idea of Terry Bradshaw making Brady cry, which I'm sure he could.
Post a Comment