I’ve been very busy so far this summer and have not had a chance to write about anything. That said, I am delinquent in reporting on the first two big shows of the summer: Dokken and Tom Waits, back to back, baby.
The Dokken show started out on a sour note as all my boys bailed on me and I was left attending alone (‘I’m alone again, without you….’). But no matter, there was metal to be had down at Wet “N” Wild water park and I was not about to let Don Dokken down. As it turns out, he is the only person I would have let down because he is the only one left that is currently touring. I didn’t realize it but George Lynch left the band over a decade ago (which kind of depressed me because he is one of the reasons I wanted to see them). I was also told, by the Mexican version of Big Lou Martin, that the drummer is still with the band but he is not on this particular tour. I found out afterwards that he already committed to touring with someone like Billy Idol for the summer so he had to tell old Donny boy to go on without him.
But I get ahead of myself. First things first: The opening act. It was supposed to be Great White, but thank the gods that something happened with one of them and they could not make it to El Paso. That was fortunate for my ears as they suck huge balls, but my “Please don’t incinerate me” sign was now no longer relevant. Oh well.
Instead, some local DJ douchebag got up on stage and announced (something to the effect of): “El Paso, we’ve got a treat for you tonight! Back from their recent world tour of London and the south of France, soon to be in Australia, El Paso’s own…. ULYSSES!!!”
It kind of reminded me of Cab Calloway introducing the Blues Brothers in the movie, except instead of a cool venue in the suburbs of Chicago with a crowd about to enjoy good R&B music, it was a water park in the desert outskirts of El Paso with about 2,000 cholos and me about to enjoy some quasi-shitty cover band.
But at first I was optimistic because Ulysses came out blasting both barrels with a really good version of Aldo Nova’s “Fantasy”. So far so good. The second song was unknown to me and at first I thought it was their own song but after listening to the rest of the set I just assume it was a cover I was not familiar with.
The third song was “Separate Ways” by Journey. Good idea, bad execution. The lead singer was not good. Not good at all. He was like a 240 lb version of Artie Lang, except with long, mullet like hair. Kind of like a “Beer League” Artie Lange plus about 10 pounds. Let’s just say he was no Steve Perry.
After that they took us on a hellish tour of 80s metal that included painful versions of random songs by AC/DC, Motley Crue, Guns and Roses, and the Scorpions. They also attempted Judas Priest (You’ve Got Another Thing Coming) and Iron Maiden (The Trooper) but again, Artie’s vocals were just so far off the mark that I couldn’t help but to cringe as I continued pounding 24 oz Bud Lights to make the pain go away.
Sometime after night fall, the horror show ended and silence descended down upon the water park as everyone ran to the tree lines to piss and refuel on more delicious Bud Light, Tecate, and Coors Light.
I was chilling back on a picnic table for the opening act but got up near the front of the outdoor stage for Dokken. This was going to be warfare, baby. No time for sitting down anymore in the heat of battle.
Dokken came out and immediately rocked the fucking shit out of that water park, playing every classic Dokken song you can think of except “Burning Like a Flame”. The line up included Don Dokken on vocals, some old dude with yellow shooting glasses on drums, some Carrot Top looking motherfucker on bass, and the band’s lawyer on guitar. The guitarist kind of looked like an undead transvestite: very pale, with sagging skin (no shirt!) on a small, bony frame, with some kind of fake ass looking long, straight hair. He was very undernourished (as if he’d eaten nothing but rancid human flesh) and apparently hadn’t seen the sun in about 6 or 7 years. He was no George Lynch, but I have to admit he could play the guitar very well and was a reasonable Lynch knock off.
During the Dokken set I befriend a large Mexican guy who very much reminded me of Big Lou Martin (in the face). He was probably in his mid to late twenties and he was like a walking encyclopedia of all things Dokken. His knowledge was vast and limitless when it came to anything related to the band. He knew every set list they ever played, which was especially handy as he knew exactly what song we should use as a piss and beer break (some 10 minute opus I hadn’t heard of).
So me and Big Lou rocked out very hard that night. The show was actually very good, but I couldn’t help to think that Don Dokken was a bit of a dickhead. This was the first show of his summer tour and I guess it was a bit of a warm up gig for the band (who were very tight so I give them credit for practicing hard!). But the whole time Don had this look on his face like, “Yeah, I’m a huge rock star and you guys are a bunch of fucking idiots. This whole town is a bunch of fucking hicks with no brains or more of you would have come out to worship me. I am a rock god and you just can’t even comprehend it. Go back and listen to Ulysses, you freaks.”
And as he was sending this mental vibe out to us I was sending one back:
“Don, you’re fucking lucky even a couple thousand of us came out to hear you. I know you are rocking hard and I appreciate it but you’re lucky there is even one of me here. Be happy that anyone still thinks your relevant, dude! Just stop your snotty thoughts and sing Dream Warriors already!”
Anyhow, somewhere down the line Don and I sorted out our differences and we managed to open up the heavens that night and make an offering to the gods of heavy metal.
The lights went down on the stage and all the beer was drunk. We all wandered through the hard, desert earth on our way back to our pick ups and Mustangs as we pointed them down the highway while trying to get home without incident.
As I got home that night, I chugged two huge glasses of water and laid down in bed, wondering how long it would take before my ears stopped ringing... and how fucking hung over I’d be the next day.
So it goes.
-David
PS: Where has the time gone…? I’ll have to finish up with the Tom Waits concert later in Part 2. Stay tuned…
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