Breaking the Chains Way Down In The Hole Part 2 and Where The Hell Is My Punter?

Needless to say, this entry will be a little bit irrelevant since it took me one extra month to write Part 2. This summer has just been crazy busy with visiting friends and family, drinking, and Call of Duty 4… not much time to write.

And actually it is not the Tom Waits show that makes me want to write, it is the beginning of Steelers training camp 2008 that has given me the itch. So no disrespect to Tom intended, but I’m going to race through a quick re-cap of the show and get to some football.

Summary of Tom Waits concert in El Paso (6/20/08):

Bud and Denise came in to see the show. Good to see them. Had a great time.

Drank a few beers on the back porch before we headed downtown.

Hit La Nortena before the show for as many beers as we could drink. Tried to choke down some seviche (ended up being dinner).

Walked to theatre. Big line (2 blocks away). Couldn’t believe it was to get into the theatre, so walked up to the front of the theatre and confirmed. Had to walk all the way to the back of the line.

Many idiots wearing stupid hats in line.

Theatre was really cool. BUT, I prefer to see shows in bars as it is easier to get drunk.

Lost Bud and Denise once we got into theatre (we were not sitting together). After 10 minutes of scanning audience, located Bud on other side of the theatre. Screamed “BUD!!!” at the top of my lungs. Bud saw me and waved back. Many idiots with stupid hats looked at me like I was a freak. Ha, Ha, the joke is on them.

Guy next to me smelled really bad and had that nervous tick where he couldn’t stop quickly moving his leg up and down. At one point I gently touched his leg with my leg to get him to stop. He didn’t stop. Then it became a game: how hard could I press my leg against his before he would react. After about 5 minutes I had my legs spread as wide as they could, as if I was receiving head from someone kneeling in front of me and my left leg had jammed both of his legs into the person to his left. Motherfucker’s leg still didn’t stop moving up and down like a piston. Strange stuff.

Show was awesome. Tom was in a shiny suit jacket and pants. Also wearing hat, but it doesn’t look stupid on him because he’s Tom Waits and not a 22 to 38 year old wanker.

Tom’s son played drums (didn’t realize it until days later). Tom’s younger son played some kind of bongo drum during one song (knew that was his son at the time as I think he announced it.

Guitar player was fucking awesome.

Sax player was CRAZY FUCKING AWESOME. I saw him play the following: alto sax, tenor sax, soprano sax, baritone sax, clarinet, bass clarinet (or some such weird instrument). Maybe flute? He also played two saxophones at the same time on one song. Incredible guy.

Tom was presented with the key to the city during the show. Made a bit out of it that was pretty funny.

A lot of douchebags with stupid hats.

Song list was very cool. Two out of three of my wishes were granted: 1) Play something from Heart of Saturday night (not granted), 2) Play something from Rain Dogs (granted), and 3) Play Goin’ Out West (granted). Here is the complete list.

Really enjoyed the show.

Closing thought (an open letter to all freaks wearing silly hats at a Tom Waits show): Listen, I know you can’t dress up and play eccentric rock star at your 9 to 5. But that is no excuse to put on a silly had and a stupid looking suit that smells of the Salvation Army store and parade around in public like a jackass. The reason you can’t wear that stupid shit everyday is, literally, because it is stupid looking. So keep it in the closet and dress up like Tom Waits for Halloween next year. You fucking douchebag, you. Do you see me wearing spandex and a mesh muscle shirt at the Dokken show? No, you don’t (even though I would look wicked cool!)

There we go. I now feel relieved that is out of the way. Again, I apologize if it was not my normal concert review. I think it just boils down to the fact that I was sober during the show and life is just not quite as exciting when I’m sober. So it goes.

Steelers Update 2008: Where the hell is my punter?

Daniel Sepulveda, the Steelers 2nd year punter is out for the year with some kind of torn tendon in his knee or some such shit. I really liked him in his rookie season and I think he was going to just get better in year 2.

To replace him, we picked up Paul Ernster. In case you don’t remember this shitbag: He started last season with the Cleveland Browns (warning sirens should already be going off in your head). He lasted all of one game (against the Steelers) and performed so profoundly horribly that the Browns released him after that opening game. Fast forward one year and now he’s on our team.

We therefore stand to enter the season with no better than the 33rd best punter in the league. Let me further remind you that our special teams during the last two years have been by far the weakest part of our game. In fact, the only reason they weren’t the worst in the entire league is the good play of the actual kickers (kicker and punter). The coverage and return units were just total, complete, worthless shit.

But maybe this is a blessing in disguise because Josh Cribbs can’t return a punt for a touchdown if the punter shanks it 20 yards out of bounds every time.

My brother in law (a Browns fan) suggested I go outside and practice punting for about an hour and then try to walk onto the Steelers training camp in Latrobe. He speculates that is all it would take for any average Joe to be able to kick better than Ernster.

Fuck me running, this is a bad omen to start the season.


-David

PS: In retrospect my favorite songs during the show were Falling Down, Chocolate Jesus, Lucky Day, and Dirt in the Ground

PSS: Man, I’ve forgotten how good Bone Machine is.