Well fuck me running up the side of a hill if lightening didn’t strike 3 times and the Cardinals once again muckered up my prognosticating. 1-1 last week brings me to a barely respectable 6-4 for the post season. But you know what? I think I can pull out the Superbowl pick and put myself over the edge here. Why?
Because Pittsburgh’s going to the Superbowl! Here we go!
Needless to say I’m ecstatic about this. We finally have the opportunity to pull in front of Dallas and San Francisco and take our rightful place atop the modern day NFL mountain. The other nice thing about this past bye week is that I’m also not a basket case like I was prior to Superbowl XL. Am I overconfident this time? Maybe. Am I just the second coming of Nostradamus as I proclaimed at the beginning of the post season? Maybe. Let’s get to the game analysis and then you can be the judge.
Pittsburgh vs Arizona? Who would have thunk it. Pittsburgh shouldn’t shock anyone as they’ve played high quality football all year long, pummeling their way through the league’s most difficult schedule at start of season. Arizona, on the other hand, started the year well, but then completely fell apart and only made the playoffs because they are in the weakest division in the NFL, the NFC West. Nonetheless, when they did get to the post season, they certainly did step up their game, especially on the defensive side of the ball. Can they pull out one more magical game and take their place in history? Another team did something similar a couple years back by squeaking into the playoffs and winning every game on the road to finally take down the Lombardi trophy in Detroit, MI. That team was the Pittsburgh Steelers and that magical run was the aforementioned Superbowl XL.
But the Arizona Cardinals are not the Pittsburgh Steelers and that, in the end, will be why Pittsburgh wins this game.
When I first started contemplating the game, I was a little nervous. Ken Whisenhunt is a good coach with a knack for knowing exactly when to throw in a trick play that can change the momentum of the game. If the Cardinals defense could at least keep the game under control for the first half, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Whis could pull out a trick play in the second half that could give the Cardinals the lead and then allow them to ride out the momentum all the way to the end.
And I think it probably will be a close game to an extent in the first half. I think you’ll see a halftime score that puts one team up by less than 10 points. I’m not even sure which team will be ahead to tell you the truth. But that is not going to matter because I think Pittsburgh will come out of the second half and play 30 minutes of pure ball control football. They’ll use the first half to soften up the Arizona defense and I think you’ll see the Willie Parker show in the second half as we proceed to keep the Arizona offense off the field. And when they get on the field (especially in the 4th quarter), you’re going to start seeing the wheels come off as the Steelers take advantage of their desperation.
I don’t think the Steelers’ will register a single sack in the first half. However in the second half I think you’ll see Warner on his ass 3 or 4 times and he’ll also turn the ball over at least 2 times. As the Steelers smell the fear they will become almost inhuman in their aggression, kind of like sharks circling a raft full of shipwrecked sailors. Feeding Frenzy. Double Frenzy.
By the time the clock ticks to zero, I think we’ll see that one team has completely and totally imposed their will on the other team.
And that will be the Steelers, 35 to 20.
Is that because Tomlin/Lebeau will win the coaching battle with Whis/Haley? Is that because Big Ben will not turn the ball over? Is that because the Steelers D will finally crack the riddle of getting to Warner? Or is that because Warner is a flaming douchebag?
No. The reason the Steelers will win this game is actually very simple. As a group of individuals that build up into a team, the Steelers are just flat out better. And the better team is going to win this game. At damn near every position on the field we are better than they are (and that includes the cornerbacks, Paul).
Yeah, Whis probably will catch us with our pants down for a trick play. But you can only hide the lack of talent on that team for so long with smoke and mirrors. The Steelers will destroy those mirrors and once again lift the Lombardi trophy above their heads.
-David
Other random thoughts on the big game:
Whoever wins the 3rd quarter will win the game.
I do wonder how Hines Ward will be in the game. They list him as probable and I do believe he’ll be in pretty good shape. If he is playing well and the knee is not bothering him I think that is just another nail in the coffin of Arizona. With Hines and Heath Miller on the field, both our clutch 3rd down weapons will be on display. Let the first downs begin!!
As far as the MVP? I would LOVE it if Hines would get it again. But I guess I’m leaning towards Big Ben taking it this time. My back up pick would be Troy Polamalu.
I read this week that the Mayor of Phoenix pretended to blow his nose on the Terrible Towel and then he threw it on the ground. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE, douchebag. No one disrespects the Terrible Towel. You’ll have to learn the hard way.
I also hear that the Steelers Nation has descended on Tampa. The vast majority of the true fans in audience tomorrow night will be Steelers fan. This is no surprise. The Cardinals and their fans aren’t going to know what to think. Our fans, like the team, are prepared for battle when they travel. Thousands of drunken yinzers will pour into the stadium in infinite waves to see the damage that will be wrought, drinking every last drop of beer the vendors have to sell in the process. The Cardinals fans are not going to know what to think of this. I expect the majority of them to shit their pants in fear of the Black and Gold mob. Hell, by the end of the game they will probably become Steelers fans. They will see that life is more fun that way.
And what’s up with the media all of a sudden starting to pick Arizona. It’s damn near becoming fashionable. Maybe they think Arizona is charmed? Maybe they are just haters? The majority of those hacks are still picking the Steelers but it disturbs me that more than a couple seem to think the Cardinals could do this. I think it must be the NFL paying them off to make people think it will be a good, close game.
As for me? Unlike Superbowl XL, I will not huddle inside my house like a crazed hermit and watch the game far away from the eyes of the my critics. I’ll be going into the belly of the beast – No – not to an Arizona Cardinals fan’s house (because there are no such things in existence). Rather I’ll be going to my buddy Dave’s Superbowl party. Dave is a Bengals fan (he has issues) but I’ll be surrounded by two of the biggest Pittsburgh Haters I know (Cowboys fans, of course) as well as your odds and ends of Redskins and Bills and etc. As far as I know, my wife and I will be the only two Steelers fans in attendance. But don’t fear, dear reader. I am true Black and Gold to the core and I will rise above all the haters and help the rest of the Steelers Nation will them on to victory.
HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!
-David
PS: Obviously this week’s entry is about the farthest thing from “objective” as you can get. But fuck it. Give me a break this one time. That part about us being the better group of players is true and is honestly why I think the Steelers will win.
PSS: Fuck Kurt Warner and his wacked out Christianity. And fuck his haggly wife. On second thought, no, we’ll leave him to fuck that nasty thing. The only thing that could be better than a Steelers win would be a Steelers win which includes us knocking that fucknut out of the game and forcing Playboy Leinart to come in and embarrass his team. Salt on the wound, baby.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Conference Championships, baby!
Now that’s more like it. I went 3-1 last weekend which brings my post season picks to 5-3.
Before we get to the meat of this weekend’s picks, let’s just get the bane of my post season predictions out of the way… what’s up with the Cardinals? Did they really win that game or did Jake Delhomme and the Carolina secondary just flat out lose it in a cataclysmic fashion?
This weekend’s NFC Championship game between the Cardinals and the Eagles is going to come down to one thing: mistakes. I’m not even going to be obvious and say turnovers. I’m going to say any kind of mistake (turnovers, blown coverage, missed protection pick up on the line, etc.). What I mean by that is that apparently Arizona CAN beat a real team if they play a perfect game. But I just don’t think they can afford to make a single mistake. One mistake and they are probably done. Philadelphia, on the other hand, can probably afford to make a few mistakes and still win because, let’s face it, they are better than Arizona. This especially holds true when the Cardinals D faces the Philly offense. Philly’s offense has a tendency to sputter (especially in the last couple games) while Arizona’s defense has been playing on FIRE. If those two trends keep up… The Arizona Cardinals in the Superbowl? Could it be?
All that said, I’m taking Philly. I don’t see lightening striking 3 times in a row.
Now, to the important game this weekend: Pittsburgh vs Baltimore. Let’s face it, neither of those NFC teams could beat either of these AFC North powerhouses. So when you watch the AFC Championship this weekend, you are finding out who will be the Superbowl champ.
Both teams are bruising juggernauts on both offense and defense. Thankfully, I think this one boils down to injuries, which favors the Steelers who only have Troy Polamalu and Justin Hartwig with ailments. Now, I need to be careful when I say “only” Polamalu because he is just that big of a difference maker. In addition, while Justin Hartwig is not even close to being the best center in the league, he is the guy who snapped balls to Big Ben all year. So I hope whoever our back up center is (Darnel Stapleton?) he is getting a lot of practice snaps this week. There is nothing worse than a botched snap exchange that leads to a lost fumble. And while Hartwig may be ready to go at the beginning of the game, what if he gets re-injured during the war? Let’s be ready just in case.
On the other hand, the Ravens have a ton of walking wounded. And unlike the Steelers, their injuries are serious enough that guys might not even play. The most notable are Terrell Suggs, Samari Rolle, and Le’Ron McLain. Remember what happened last year to the Steelers when Aaron Smith and Ryan Clark went down and on top of that Troy should have gone down (but he is just too damn tough for that). Our defense essentially fell apart. If both Suggs and Rolle don’t play combined with some of the other guys on D who are banged up… I just don’t see how Baltimore can win this game. The Steelers offense, while anemic most of the year, should be able to take advantage of that. Especially the passing game as Suggs is critical to their pass rush and Rolle is a key to defending the pass.
On offense, McClain is one of the only running backs this year who gave the Steelers D some problems. We ended up containing him pretty well in both games, but he is a big, bruising son of a bitch. If he is out of there and all we have to do is contain Willis McGahee… well let’s just say I think it is going to be a long game or Joe Flacco as we won’t have to respect the run so much. If Ray Rice wasn’t injured a while back I would be concerned about him as well as he is their rookie change of pace back. In fact if all 3 RBs were healthy I would be fairly nervous. But it looks like only McGahee will be healthy enough to make an impact which heavily favors the Steelers. McClain will probably play, but I expect him to re-injure his ankle and spend most of the game on the sidelines.
After the injuries, the next biggest key to this game is the quarterbacks. Everyone knows that these defenses are the two best in the league, so how will these quarterbacks attack? I think this key boils down to which QB throws the better deep balls. The Pittsburgh D had a few uncharacteristic issues with the deep ball last week against the Chargers. I’m sure Baltimore noticed that and will attack that aggressively with Flacco’s big time arm. He can really wail one down the field and Coach Harbaugh seems to have no problem getting those kinds of plays dialed up for him.
On the flip side, Big Ben can also throw a ball out the back of the stadium parking lot. The difference here is probably Ed Reed. He is biggest ball hawk in the league. This whole story line probably boils down to who wins the mental game of Big Ben vs Ed Reed. Can Ed disguise his deep coverage enough to force Ben to throw into an area he is watching? Can Ben get a bead on Reed and make sure to keep the ball away from his range of coverage? To be honest, I don’t know who will win this battle. What I do know is that Bruce Arians can help this situation GREATLY by always giving Ben two options on the deep ball plays. I’d like to see him call plays where if there is a deep route, there are two. For example, send Washington on a deep post down the right sideline and Holmes down the left. Or send one of them and Hines Ward down the same sideline and then about 25 yards out have Hines cut his route back to the middle of the field. This way, you are probably forcing Reed to bite on one of the two routes. If he does, then Ben can just toss the ball to the other route who most likely now has single man coverage.
If Ben can keep the ball away from Ed Reed, the Steelers can and will win this game.
This game will be a battle of the ages. It will be one of those games, like the Immaculate Reception where the Superbowl isn’t the most remembered game of that post season. Thirty years from now, when people think back on Superbowl XLIII, they are going to have a vague memory in the back of their mind that Baltimore and Pittsburgh were playing for the Lombardi trophy. This game will be burned so deeply into their memories that they’ll completely forget it was just the AFC Championship game, not the Superbowl.
I can’t wait.
For the record, I’m picking Pittsburgh.
HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!
-David
PS: And also for the record, in the Superbowl I’m picking the AFC team, regardless of what happens in either game this weekend.
Before we get to the meat of this weekend’s picks, let’s just get the bane of my post season predictions out of the way… what’s up with the Cardinals? Did they really win that game or did Jake Delhomme and the Carolina secondary just flat out lose it in a cataclysmic fashion?
This weekend’s NFC Championship game between the Cardinals and the Eagles is going to come down to one thing: mistakes. I’m not even going to be obvious and say turnovers. I’m going to say any kind of mistake (turnovers, blown coverage, missed protection pick up on the line, etc.). What I mean by that is that apparently Arizona CAN beat a real team if they play a perfect game. But I just don’t think they can afford to make a single mistake. One mistake and they are probably done. Philadelphia, on the other hand, can probably afford to make a few mistakes and still win because, let’s face it, they are better than Arizona. This especially holds true when the Cardinals D faces the Philly offense. Philly’s offense has a tendency to sputter (especially in the last couple games) while Arizona’s defense has been playing on FIRE. If those two trends keep up… The Arizona Cardinals in the Superbowl? Could it be?
All that said, I’m taking Philly. I don’t see lightening striking 3 times in a row.
Now, to the important game this weekend: Pittsburgh vs Baltimore. Let’s face it, neither of those NFC teams could beat either of these AFC North powerhouses. So when you watch the AFC Championship this weekend, you are finding out who will be the Superbowl champ.
Both teams are bruising juggernauts on both offense and defense. Thankfully, I think this one boils down to injuries, which favors the Steelers who only have Troy Polamalu and Justin Hartwig with ailments. Now, I need to be careful when I say “only” Polamalu because he is just that big of a difference maker. In addition, while Justin Hartwig is not even close to being the best center in the league, he is the guy who snapped balls to Big Ben all year. So I hope whoever our back up center is (Darnel Stapleton?) he is getting a lot of practice snaps this week. There is nothing worse than a botched snap exchange that leads to a lost fumble. And while Hartwig may be ready to go at the beginning of the game, what if he gets re-injured during the war? Let’s be ready just in case.
On the other hand, the Ravens have a ton of walking wounded. And unlike the Steelers, their injuries are serious enough that guys might not even play. The most notable are Terrell Suggs, Samari Rolle, and Le’Ron McLain. Remember what happened last year to the Steelers when Aaron Smith and Ryan Clark went down and on top of that Troy should have gone down (but he is just too damn tough for that). Our defense essentially fell apart. If both Suggs and Rolle don’t play combined with some of the other guys on D who are banged up… I just don’t see how Baltimore can win this game. The Steelers offense, while anemic most of the year, should be able to take advantage of that. Especially the passing game as Suggs is critical to their pass rush and Rolle is a key to defending the pass.
On offense, McClain is one of the only running backs this year who gave the Steelers D some problems. We ended up containing him pretty well in both games, but he is a big, bruising son of a bitch. If he is out of there and all we have to do is contain Willis McGahee… well let’s just say I think it is going to be a long game or Joe Flacco as we won’t have to respect the run so much. If Ray Rice wasn’t injured a while back I would be concerned about him as well as he is their rookie change of pace back. In fact if all 3 RBs were healthy I would be fairly nervous. But it looks like only McGahee will be healthy enough to make an impact which heavily favors the Steelers. McClain will probably play, but I expect him to re-injure his ankle and spend most of the game on the sidelines.
After the injuries, the next biggest key to this game is the quarterbacks. Everyone knows that these defenses are the two best in the league, so how will these quarterbacks attack? I think this key boils down to which QB throws the better deep balls. The Pittsburgh D had a few uncharacteristic issues with the deep ball last week against the Chargers. I’m sure Baltimore noticed that and will attack that aggressively with Flacco’s big time arm. He can really wail one down the field and Coach Harbaugh seems to have no problem getting those kinds of plays dialed up for him.
On the flip side, Big Ben can also throw a ball out the back of the stadium parking lot. The difference here is probably Ed Reed. He is biggest ball hawk in the league. This whole story line probably boils down to who wins the mental game of Big Ben vs Ed Reed. Can Ed disguise his deep coverage enough to force Ben to throw into an area he is watching? Can Ben get a bead on Reed and make sure to keep the ball away from his range of coverage? To be honest, I don’t know who will win this battle. What I do know is that Bruce Arians can help this situation GREATLY by always giving Ben two options on the deep ball plays. I’d like to see him call plays where if there is a deep route, there are two. For example, send Washington on a deep post down the right sideline and Holmes down the left. Or send one of them and Hines Ward down the same sideline and then about 25 yards out have Hines cut his route back to the middle of the field. This way, you are probably forcing Reed to bite on one of the two routes. If he does, then Ben can just toss the ball to the other route who most likely now has single man coverage.
If Ben can keep the ball away from Ed Reed, the Steelers can and will win this game.
This game will be a battle of the ages. It will be one of those games, like the Immaculate Reception where the Superbowl isn’t the most remembered game of that post season. Thirty years from now, when people think back on Superbowl XLIII, they are going to have a vague memory in the back of their mind that Baltimore and Pittsburgh were playing for the Lombardi trophy. This game will be burned so deeply into their memories that they’ll completely forget it was just the AFC Championship game, not the Superbowl.
I can’t wait.
For the record, I’m picking Pittsburgh.
HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!
-David
PS: And also for the record, in the Superbowl I’m picking the AFC team, regardless of what happens in either game this weekend.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Predictions, Divisional Round style
Well, maybe I’m not the second coming of Nostradamus quite yet. With only a .500 record from last week’s games I’m not exactly tearing up the post season. Shit, a coin flip can get 0.500 accuracy picking football games.
But I’ll make it up this week. Since it’s Saturday morning already and the Baltimore/Tennessee game is only 6 hours away, I’ll get straight to the point:
Baltimore/Tennessee: This has a good chance of being the best football game of the week and I’m very excited for this one. I can really see either team winning it but I’m going with Baltimore. They seem to be on fire and come on… Kerry Collins?
Carolina/Arizona: This will likely be the worst game of the week as Carolina just completely destroys the Cardinals. Next.
New York Giants/Philadelphia: This also will likely be a great game. I’m going with Philly as I think they are on fire and, as you know, I really think the Giants are always one game away from self destruction. Consider this implosion week.
Pittsburgh/San Diego: This will hopefully not be the best game this week. By that I mean I hope the Steelers just beat the holy shit out of San Diego, which is quite possible. What is more likely to happen is the offense, led by Big Ben, turning the ball over 3 times and the Steelers just barely squeaking out the victory. If they turn it over 4+ times, San Diego wins. That said, I’m taking Pittsburgh.
That’s the picks for this week. Enjoy the games,
-David
But I’ll make it up this week. Since it’s Saturday morning already and the Baltimore/Tennessee game is only 6 hours away, I’ll get straight to the point:
Baltimore/Tennessee: This has a good chance of being the best football game of the week and I’m very excited for this one. I can really see either team winning it but I’m going with Baltimore. They seem to be on fire and come on… Kerry Collins?
Carolina/Arizona: This will likely be the worst game of the week as Carolina just completely destroys the Cardinals. Next.
New York Giants/Philadelphia: This also will likely be a great game. I’m going with Philly as I think they are on fire and, as you know, I really think the Giants are always one game away from self destruction. Consider this implosion week.
Pittsburgh/San Diego: This will hopefully not be the best game this week. By that I mean I hope the Steelers just beat the holy shit out of San Diego, which is quite possible. What is more likely to happen is the offense, led by Big Ben, turning the ball over 3 times and the Steelers just barely squeaking out the victory. If they turn it over 4+ times, San Diego wins. That said, I’m taking Pittsburgh.
That’s the picks for this week. Enjoy the games,
-David
Friday, January 2, 2009
I am Nostradamus
This past summer, Judas Priest released a double CD concept album about the life and times of Nostradamus. It is called “Nostradamus” and it rocks very fucking hard.
As I look back through some of my 2008 NFL predictions from the beginning of the season, I can’t help but to think that I am very much like Nostradamus.
NOTE: As I’m writing this I’m listening to “Nostradamus”, in particular the song “Prophecy” which was the song they opened up their concert with this summer. Let me just say that Judas Priest FUCKING ROCKS!!!! And Rob Halford is a FUCKING BEAST!!!!!!
Anyway, here is what I was thinking back in early September:
1) The defending Superbowl Champion New York Giants will finish no better than 3rd in the NFC East (and miss the playoffs).
Well, I got this one pretty wrong and I’m pissed about that. I hate the Giants and I hate that they won the NFC East. I still think they will unravel, though, so I would like to re-visit this one more time before the Superbowl. My new post season prediction is that they lose their first playoff game. They are a bunch of dumb, punk ass twats.
2) Brett Favre will help the Jets and get them to respectability this year (not quite to the playoffs, but close).
I’m going to call this one a success. I know people are all on the hate bandwagon for Eric Man-gina and Favre for supposedly sinking the Jet’s playoffs hopes, but let’s just say it takes 53 men and a whole coaching staff to lose games so don’t just heap it all on those two. Keep in mind this team was PATHETIC last season so I’d call 9-7 and just missing the playoffs respectable year over year.
3) The Jacksonville Jaguars will win the AFC South.
Damn. I knew Indy wouldn’t win the AFC South (I could smell the tide changing) but I thought it would be Jacksonville. Who would have predicted their collapse this season? Nostradamus? Not me. As much as I want to call this one a push I guess I have to call it a bad prediction.
4) The Pittsburgh Steelers will go 11-5 and win the AFC North.
Nailed this one. They technically went 12-4 but I’m taking this as a win.
5) The Cincinnati Bengals will go 2-14 and Marvin Lewis will still not be fired.
I’m calling this one a win also. I think they ended up something like 4-11-1. What a bunch of flaming douchebags the Bungles are. I know the coaching hatchets have not all fallen yet, but trust me, Lewis will keep his job and those pictures of Mike Brown blowing the dead corpse of his father, Paul, will remain safely in the vault.
6) 7-9 will win the NFC West (the Cardinals or Rams, if anyone cares).
You know, I’m going to call this one a win. Technically I think the Cardinals were 9-7, but you have to agree that the NFC West is still the weakest division in football. And the Seahawks are a bunch of Shit-hawks which always makes me happy.
7) Santonio Holmes will statistically be the best WR in the NFL.
I pretty much go this one 100% wrong. Wow, Santonio performed well below my expectations. Let’s hope he either snaps out of his funk next year or Limas Sweed catches on. If not, our WR corps is going to look a little anemic next year after Hines Ward and Heath Miller.
8) Satan will come to claim the soul of Bill Belifuck and his bitch, Tom Brady.
Yeah, let’s call this a win. For sure, Brady had to finally punch his ticket. Let’s hope all those infections he had during his recovery will end his career. Fuck him. And since Belifuck missed the playoffs I’m guessing Mr. D also tapped him on the shoulder and told him it’s time. Expect the Patriots to go 2-14 next year. YEAH!
9) The Cleveland Browns will take the leagues best offseason and still manage to fuck it up and lose.
This one was almost too easy. How could you not see this coming? I feel bad even taking credit for this one. See you later, Romeo… was nice knowing you. Maybe some other NFL team is hiring big, fat cheerleaders with blank looks on their faces because that is all you were.
10) Rashard Mendenhall will score more yards from the line of scrimmage than Felix Jones (this does not include special teams).
I’m also pissed about losing this one because I actually made a bet with my buddy Jack on this item. I’m not sure what the totals finally were, but I’m 99% sure Felix did edge out Rashard. I’ll make this same prediction next year, though, what the hell.
11) DeSean Jackson is the rookie sensation WR of the year.
I’m not sure about this one. I’ll call it a push. DeSean did a lot for the Eagles this year but you also have to give a lot of props to Eddie Royal. And that said, I’m not sure either of them were truly sensations.
Not bad, eh? If I tally that up I was 6-4-1. I’m thinking anything over 50% success rate in the prediction arena constitutes a win right?
What about the post season? I thought somewhere in a previous post this year I picked the Superbowl as a Dallas vs San Diego affair but I can’t seem to find that post. I also remember thinking, after the first week of the season when the Steelers trounced the Texans that I would reserve the right to sub in Pittsburgh instead of the Chargers. But I think I was too lazy to post that addendum so we’ll not count that now. But for sure, Dallas vs anyone obviously won’t happen as Dallas choked a huge dong and missed the playoffs (boo hoo). As I sit here today I’m going to go with Carolina vs Pittsburgh in the Superbowl. My dark horses would be Philadelphia in the NFC and Indianapolis in the AFC.
As far as Wild Card Weekend, I’m going with:
Atlanta over Arizona
Indy over San Diego
Baltimore over Miami
Philadelphia over Minnesota
Yep, I’m picking all four road teams this week. On any given Sunday (or Saturday in this case)…
So get your beer’s chilled and your hot fries ready to go. The NFL post season is at hand!
Enjoy,
-David
As I look back through some of my 2008 NFL predictions from the beginning of the season, I can’t help but to think that I am very much like Nostradamus.
NOTE: As I’m writing this I’m listening to “Nostradamus”, in particular the song “Prophecy” which was the song they opened up their concert with this summer. Let me just say that Judas Priest FUCKING ROCKS!!!! And Rob Halford is a FUCKING BEAST!!!!!!
Anyway, here is what I was thinking back in early September:
1) The defending Superbowl Champion New York Giants will finish no better than 3rd in the NFC East (and miss the playoffs).
Well, I got this one pretty wrong and I’m pissed about that. I hate the Giants and I hate that they won the NFC East. I still think they will unravel, though, so I would like to re-visit this one more time before the Superbowl. My new post season prediction is that they lose their first playoff game. They are a bunch of dumb, punk ass twats.
2) Brett Favre will help the Jets and get them to respectability this year (not quite to the playoffs, but close).
I’m going to call this one a success. I know people are all on the hate bandwagon for Eric Man-gina and Favre for supposedly sinking the Jet’s playoffs hopes, but let’s just say it takes 53 men and a whole coaching staff to lose games so don’t just heap it all on those two. Keep in mind this team was PATHETIC last season so I’d call 9-7 and just missing the playoffs respectable year over year.
3) The Jacksonville Jaguars will win the AFC South.
Damn. I knew Indy wouldn’t win the AFC South (I could smell the tide changing) but I thought it would be Jacksonville. Who would have predicted their collapse this season? Nostradamus? Not me. As much as I want to call this one a push I guess I have to call it a bad prediction.
4) The Pittsburgh Steelers will go 11-5 and win the AFC North.
Nailed this one. They technically went 12-4 but I’m taking this as a win.
5) The Cincinnati Bengals will go 2-14 and Marvin Lewis will still not be fired.
I’m calling this one a win also. I think they ended up something like 4-11-1. What a bunch of flaming douchebags the Bungles are. I know the coaching hatchets have not all fallen yet, but trust me, Lewis will keep his job and those pictures of Mike Brown blowing the dead corpse of his father, Paul, will remain safely in the vault.
6) 7-9 will win the NFC West (the Cardinals or Rams, if anyone cares).
You know, I’m going to call this one a win. Technically I think the Cardinals were 9-7, but you have to agree that the NFC West is still the weakest division in football. And the Seahawks are a bunch of Shit-hawks which always makes me happy.
7) Santonio Holmes will statistically be the best WR in the NFL.
I pretty much go this one 100% wrong. Wow, Santonio performed well below my expectations. Let’s hope he either snaps out of his funk next year or Limas Sweed catches on. If not, our WR corps is going to look a little anemic next year after Hines Ward and Heath Miller.
8) Satan will come to claim the soul of Bill Belifuck and his bitch, Tom Brady.
Yeah, let’s call this a win. For sure, Brady had to finally punch his ticket. Let’s hope all those infections he had during his recovery will end his career. Fuck him. And since Belifuck missed the playoffs I’m guessing Mr. D also tapped him on the shoulder and told him it’s time. Expect the Patriots to go 2-14 next year. YEAH!
9) The Cleveland Browns will take the leagues best offseason and still manage to fuck it up and lose.
This one was almost too easy. How could you not see this coming? I feel bad even taking credit for this one. See you later, Romeo… was nice knowing you. Maybe some other NFL team is hiring big, fat cheerleaders with blank looks on their faces because that is all you were.
10) Rashard Mendenhall will score more yards from the line of scrimmage than Felix Jones (this does not include special teams).
I’m also pissed about losing this one because I actually made a bet with my buddy Jack on this item. I’m not sure what the totals finally were, but I’m 99% sure Felix did edge out Rashard. I’ll make this same prediction next year, though, what the hell.
11) DeSean Jackson is the rookie sensation WR of the year.
I’m not sure about this one. I’ll call it a push. DeSean did a lot for the Eagles this year but you also have to give a lot of props to Eddie Royal. And that said, I’m not sure either of them were truly sensations.
Not bad, eh? If I tally that up I was 6-4-1. I’m thinking anything over 50% success rate in the prediction arena constitutes a win right?
What about the post season? I thought somewhere in a previous post this year I picked the Superbowl as a Dallas vs San Diego affair but I can’t seem to find that post. I also remember thinking, after the first week of the season when the Steelers trounced the Texans that I would reserve the right to sub in Pittsburgh instead of the Chargers. But I think I was too lazy to post that addendum so we’ll not count that now. But for sure, Dallas vs anyone obviously won’t happen as Dallas choked a huge dong and missed the playoffs (boo hoo). As I sit here today I’m going to go with Carolina vs Pittsburgh in the Superbowl. My dark horses would be Philadelphia in the NFC and Indianapolis in the AFC.
As far as Wild Card Weekend, I’m going with:
Atlanta over Arizona
Indy over San Diego
Baltimore over Miami
Philadelphia over Minnesota
Yep, I’m picking all four road teams this week. On any given Sunday (or Saturday in this case)…
So get your beer’s chilled and your hot fries ready to go. The NFL post season is at hand!
Enjoy,
-David
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