Drink While You Think

The meaning of life as told by Viv Savage

2011-03-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Last night as I lay down to fall asleep, the Warren Zevon song “Numb as a Statue” popped into my head. It is a great song off his final album, “The Wind”. I’m always intrigued by this album because he recorded it after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer therefore knowing it would be the last album he ever made.

That’s a pretty heavy concept… when you consciously know that you are doing something for the last time in your life, how does it affect you? When that act is writing a collection of songs, what do you write about?

Originally, my interpretation of “The Wind” was that Warren didn’t really care about death. It seemed that he acknowledged it, of course, but I read him as being generally indifferent towards both life and death. This seemed to line up with his entire career body of work, in my opinion.

Looking back on what happened, though, I think I read it all wrong. Warren was diagnosed with inoperable cancer and told he had few months to live. He refused treatment (I suppose the logic was, I’m going to die anyway, so why go through all that), instead opting to write an album with the little time he had left. In the act of performing his final task, however, he ended up living for over year. It seems to me that a person who should really only live a short period of time but instead extends that without the help of modern medicine really doesn’t want to die. He may give the appearance that he is indifferent about life or death, but somewhere deep inside him he wanted to live.

Now I interpret “The Wind” as Warren coming to grips with the fact that as much as his conscious mind wanted to believe that he didn’t give a shit about life or death, he couldn’t deny his unconscious drive to keep going. I think there was an incredible war within him over this point, both sides fighting for control of his body. And as he was writing the album, I think he realized the battle’s outcome was not what he originally predicted or even wanted to believe.

I really wish the man was still alive so I could ask him about this. But alas, his time has come and gone and that conversation will never happen. His ride on the wheel of life finally came to an end as he was crushed under the wheel on its trip around and around and around and around.

This is the fate of all of us. For some the wheel has a large circumference and the ride lasts quite a while before we find ourselves pinned between the wheel and the road. For others, the wheel is tiny and the trip short. Rest assured, though, at some point we will all be squashed.

This brings me to my own philosophy on life as told perfectly by Spinal Tap’s Viv Savage:

“Have a good time, all the time”

Life is limited and there is likely no true meaning to it at all. So you may as well have a good time as long as you are on the ride!

Hey, don’t think I’m overly shallow here. Of course doing good and leaving this place better than we found it are important as well. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t lose sight of having a good time while you’re at it. If you don’t do it now, you might find that it is too late.

That’s why after I’m done writing this I’m going to go sit on the back patio, turn on the radio, crack open a beer and stare at the sky.

You’re welcome to join me if you wish.

-David

Draft wishes

2011-03-05T11:09:00.001-07:00

All this talk of labor dispute in the NFL is really starting to bore me. I waffle between siding with the owners and then the players. Then I step back and think, their all filthy rich so who really gives a shit.

To take my mind off that silliness, I’ll focus on what the Steelers need to do to prepare themselves for the future via the NFL draft.

I’ll list the positions where I think the Steelers have the most need. Knowing the Steelers draft philosophy, I don’t expect them to draft people in this particular order, but as long as they walk away with most of these needs addressed I should be okay.

So, in order, here is what I think our need positions are.

1) CB: Prior to the Superbowl let down, I probably would have put OT in this spot. But that game just continued to highlight that beyond Ike Taylor, you really can’t count on any Steelers CB to perform worth a damn. I really have a secret dream that Crezdon Butler will all of a sudden become a stud #2 corner this year… but even if that were to happen we are not guaranteed to have Ike Taylor back. Things could be so dire here that I would be perfectly happy if we drafted two CBs this year. I’m not so sure we’ll get a good guy with the 31st pick, but hopefully by round 3 we’ve grabbed a guy that could play (at least nickel) in his rookie year. If not, I suspect it could be a frustrating year.

2) OT: I really do like Flozell Adams on the right side and I still hope we can keep Willie Colon. If we end up with both, we’re okay here for at least one more year. But our left side is a mess. Jonathon Scott is not good and we really have no depth behind Max Starks. And either way, all these starters are getting older so we need something to happen on the O-line. Maybe Tony Hills will step up. But just in case, I would really like to see us take a stud OL within the first three rounds.

3) NT: Casey Hampton is not getting any younger and we don’t appear to have his long term replacement on the team just yet. NT is VERY important in the 3-4 defense (some would argue the most important… see below).

4) S: I’d be okay with a strong safety or a free safety here. Polamalu is getting a bit older and he usually ends up injured at least a few games a year as it is. Ryan Clark is really starting to get older and though he’s been very durable, that will come to an end at some point. Ryan Mundy is okay, but he is only one man and we have two safeties on the field. Time to find a future stud starter.

5) DE: I’m actually really happy with the D-line and with Aaron Smith back, we should be that much better off. But, again, outside of Ziggy Hood everybody (starters and backups) are really old. We need to build for the future and this seems to be the year for stud D-Ends in the draft. Side note: Who will start at Left end next year? Hood or Smith? Smith has always been a stud but is he now a backup coming off his injury, I wonder?

6) QB: Dixon may or may not be an NFL caliber starter, but regardless, we’re not going to be able to keep him after his rookie contract ends. And since we don’t need a long term replacement for Big Ben just yet, it’s coming to the time where we need to throw this fish back in the ocean and get a new one. We could probably wait another year on this if we plan to keep Leftwich over Batch as the #3 QB this year, but it might be a nice grab if we can find a good guy in round 5 through 7.

7) LB, LB, LB: As always, you’ll never see me complain if we pick up another LB or two. It is the most critical piece of a 3-4 offense (well, I suppose you could argue the NT might be as well and maybe it is really a combo….). We’re in pretty good shape with our starters, and I like our depth with Fox in the middle and Worlids on the outside. I imagine Sylvester will fit in there as well. So really, we could skip LB this year if we wanted to.

What I do NOT want to see is us drafting a WR or RB in this draft. I think we have plenty of good, young depth at both positions. I also think we can pass on OG, but I suppose I wouldn’t be pissed if we picked one. I could see a scenario where we draft a TE or K, but I’m sort of hoping we don’t because I think we have greater needs than that.

What will happen? My guess is in the first round we either draft a DL or OL with pick #31 or we trade up a few spots and grab a CB if one we really love happens to slip into the 20s. By the end of round 3, I presume we’ll have a DL, CB, and maybe an OL. I also wouldn’t put it past us to grab 2 of one of those positions in the first 3 rounds and save the third position for later in the draft.

But you never know. The draft is so dynamic, that really anything can happen.

-David

Superbowl XLV prediction

2011-02-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

I don’t know. I guess it kind of pisses me off that most of the experts seem to be picking the Packers to beat the Steelers in the Superbowl. I’m just having a hard time seeing it. Could the Packers win? Sure they could. But I really don’t expect that to happen.

There seems to be this huge conspiracy of people who want the Steelers to lose and they put all their mental powers into wishing that will happen. Well let me clue all you haters into something: Focus all your energy on your hating until the blood vessels in your head explode and you die like a dog. The Steelers didn’t come to the Superbowl to lose. And when they put their minds and bodies into something, they usually pull through.

Before the season started, I was sitting at my buddy Dave’s house getting drunk out on his back porch. It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon and the whole crew was there. It was on that day that I pulled out the prediction I was working on for most of the summer. That prediction was that the Steelers would go 11-5 and win the AFC North. Every man and woman at Dave’s house to a person laughed at me until they rolled off their chairs. This was the Steelers that finished 3rd in the AFC North the season before. This was the team that missed the playoffs. This was the team that would not have their starting quarterback for the first 4 to 6 games. But I have to tell you, I looked at a team that had a down season. I looked at a team that was basically the same team that won a Superbowl. I looked at a team that had the potential to have the best defense in all of football. I looked at the Bungles and realized their previous season was a fluke. I looked at it being a dog fight between the Steelers and the Ravens and felt for sure the Steelers could pull through.

I made many bets that day on my 11-5 prediction. There was almost more action than I could take. And when the Steelers finished the season at 12-4 with the AFC North title, I won those bets.

Now we sit, two days before the Superbowl, and it seems that everyone wants to mock my predictions again. The betting line opened with the Packers as a favorite and never wavered. The critics were all coy with their secret passion for the Packers and now they are officially declaring their love for them to win. Why, after an entire season of winning, do people still insist that the Steelers are losers this year?

So while everyone else seems to be caught up in totally writing off the Pittsburgh Steelers, what am I doing? I’m picking the Steelers to win just like I did on that beautiful summer afternoon on Dave’s back porch.

Normally, I would break down exactly why I think that. But to be honest this past 2 weeks have been much more hectic than usual and I really haven’t even had a moment to sit down and critically analyze the game. So my bet is pure gut feel. I know the Steelers are champions. The players are awesome. The coaching is outstanding. Could the Packers have awesome players and outstanding coaches? They could and they might. But they’ll have to prove it to me.

Until they do though, I’ll bet on the Black and Gold.

Pittsburgh 31, Green Bay 24

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!

-David

Conference Championship Picks

2011-01-23T13:13:00.000-07:00

I’ve been meaning to get some predictions for this weekend’s football games out there but have been really busy this weekend.

For Green Bay vs. Chicago I’ve been mixed all week. I am having hard time visualizing this game. I think I’m going to pick Green Bay 35, Chicago 24 though I guess I could easily see it the exact opposite.

Now, onto the real game this weekend: When the week started, I was picking the Steelers to crush the Jets. As the week wore on, I began second guessing. I think I am underestimating Rex Ryan as a coach. I think the Steelers are by far a better team than the Jets, but they did get to the AFC championship and I think Ryan is a big part of that. That said, if the Jets win this game, which they could, I think it will be because Ryan outcoached Tomlin. However, I don’t see it happening. But I will adjust my original score of Steelers 27, Jets 10 to my new prediction of Steelers 21, Jets 14.

GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!

-David

First Round Picks

2011-01-17T11:11:00.001-07:00

I was reading an article today that was talking about how well Steelers Defensive End Ziggy Hood has stepped up this season with Aaron Smith being out most of the season with an injury. That got me to thinking about our number one draft picks for the last few years. Check this list out:

2010: Maurkice Pouncey (C), starter
2009: Ziggy Hood (DE), starter (due to Aaron Smith injury)
2008: Rashard Mendenhall (RB), starter
2007: Lawrence Timmons (ILB), starter
2006: Santonio Holmes (WR), starter for NY Jets
2005: Heath Miller (TE), starter
2004: Ben Roethlisberger (QB), starter
2003: Troy Polamalu (SS), starter

Wow, look at that list. I guess you can argue that Holmes has some character flaws, but you can’t deny he is good.

The Steelers front office is currently 8 for 8 in with their most recent first round picks by my scorecard!

-David

Coach of the Year

2011-01-16T12:40:00.001-07:00

I’m not sure if the Pittsburgh Steelers have an award within their organization for coach of the year, but if they do I think hands down Offensive Line Coach Sean Kugler should win.

No one would ever mistake the Steelers Offensive Line as being the most talented group of football players. To call them (as a group) average would arguably be stretching it. The best guy on the unit, Center Maurkice Pouncey, is a rookie. The next best two guys, Tackles Max Starks and Willie Colon both missed basically the entire season. But that’s what makes what Kugler has accomplished with this unit all the more amazing.

Essentially he’s taken an Offensive Line that is starting its #3 and #4 tackles (Flozell Adams and Jonathan Scott) and while he hasn’t made them studs, he has at least prepared them enough to not be a detriment to the team. The fact that the Steelers have gone 12-4 this season with this rag tag group of guys is a testament to Kugler’s ability as a coach.

To make his challenge even more ridiculous, last afternoon, in the AFC Divisional Championship game against the Ravens, the Steelers lost both Adams (for the rest of the game) and Scott (for about 1 series as far as I can remember (I was quite drunk)). When Adams went down, Kugler plugged in Trai Essex at Right Tackle (NOTE: Or maybe he plugged him in at Right Guard and moved Ramon Foster over?). Then, when Scott went down, I think he put Trai on the Left Tackle and to be honest, I’m not even sure who went over to Right Tackle or Guard. I remember seeing Doug Legursky on the field, I assume to play Right Guard, which leads me to think Ramon Foster slid over to Right Tackle.

So when you step back, we won that game last night with our #5 and #6 Tackles in the game. If I’m not mistaken, at that point, the five guys we had out there were the only 5 Offensive Linemen active and healthy for the Steelers. Granted, Scott came back into the game at some point but the Steelers were still driving the ball with this crew on the field against what some feel is one of the best defenses in the league.

Knowing how important chemistry is for an Offensive Line, the fact that Kugler can have the whole unit ready to the point where we can plug in our #5 and #6 Tackles while shifting the rest of the unit around to compensate and still see success on the offense against a very good defense just shows you how good he is at is job.

The most ironic part of this story is Kugler’s recent history. The Steelers picked him up from the Buffalo Bills at a time when the Bills clearly had the worst Offensive Line in the NFL. At the time I thought, “What the hell are we doing hiring this bum?” But I guess it just goes to yet once again prove my buddy Paul’s theory about the Buffalo Bills: All Buffalo Bills are great players… once they leave the Buffalo Bills! The poor guy is one of only two Bills fans left on the face of the Earth.

Way to go Sean, this next beer is for you!

-David

Getting ready for the 2009 Draft

2009-04-25T08:33:00.001-06:00

It’s been 2 months since I’ve posted anything. Sorry, I guess I’ve been busy / unmotivated to write about much. I’m working up the energy to drop some heavy religious philosophy, but that will have to wait until another day.

In about 6 hours, the 2009 NFL draft starts and that is what has captured my attention this morning. There seems to be a lot of differences of popular opinion about how the first round will pan out so this should a really interesting year. On the subject of the first pick, last night before I went to bed I think I heard that Detroit had signed Matthew Stafford already. Or maybe I dreamed that? I haven’t checked the news yet this morning so I’ll leave that for later.

The most important aspect of the draft is the 9 picks that the Steelers have. Coming off a Superbowl win and a free agency period that sees most of the team still intact, the Steelers really don’t have any burning holes to fill. In fact, popular opinion seems to be that they will even package a few of those 9 picks together and move up once or twice in the draft to nail a person they really want. I suppose that is okay by me because I really can’t see how 9 rookies are really going to make our final 53 man roster and I’m not so sure they would even make our training roster. So you might as well give a couple of them up if it gets a guy you are really hot for. Again, I say that because we don’t have a lot of holes so I don’t think we need a bunch rookies to replace any of our veterans. We need our rookies to get prepared to take over for some of the veterans some day in 2010 or beyond.

Before I talk too much about what kind of rookies we need, let’s review the people we lost and gained in free agency. While we lost some O-Lineman with Marvel Smith and I think Kendall Simmons (or did we lose him last year?), none of them were really starting anymore or basically on the roster at all. So we won’t really miss them. We also lost Byron Leftwich but that’s okay because we still have Charlie Batch who is a more than adequate back up. So the only two losses that really hurt us were Nate Washington and Bryant McFadden.

Nate was the #3 WR so while not technically a starter, he did play quite a bit. I’m okay with losing him, though, because I was tired of waiting for him to break out. Every year for the past 2 or 3 years I’ve been saying, “This will be the year Nate breaks out (and quits dropping passes)”. Well I got tired of waiting. While he had some really nice catches last year (especially some deep balls), he still dropped a lot of passes and in the end I just don’t trust him. He may go to Tennessee and have a great couple seasons, but he’s just not worth the risk for the money that he was able to get on the open market. Goodbye, Nate. I appreciate what you were to us but it’s time we part ways.

The loss of Bryant McFadden, on the other hand, hurts. We will miss him. He was a very good corner, in my opinion. I don’t fault the Steelers front office for not paying him what he eventually got but I also would have been okay if they paid him that as well. I was right on the fence with the money he was going to get. William Gay eases that pain quite a bit, thankfully. Gay stepped in for McFadden in a few games this year when Bryant was injured. And Gay did a very good job as well.

So we lost 1.5 starters but have guys that can step in and replace them (Gay for McFadden and either Sweed or Baker for Washington). The good news is we have no urgent needs to fill in the draft. We have all of our starters in place already.

What do we need? In order, I think we need to draft the following positions:

1) Offensive line. Yeah, we won the Superbowl, but Ben got hit A LOT last year and our running game was too inconsistent, especially in short yardage. We really need to upgrade our starters at some point. I guess I’m okay playing 16 games this year with the guys we have but I would LOVE for a rookie to catch fire and make it into the starting lineup. That would be a pleasant surprise.
2) Defensive line. Our defensive linemen are STUDS and as long as Aaron Smith isn’t the injured one we have very nice depth behind them. The problem is, all the starters AND backups are getting very old. I think they are all over 30. Maybe one of them is just under 30. We really need some youth injected into the mix for future years. Also, Casey Hampton’s contract comes up in 2010 and I just don’t see us re-signing him (he’ll want too much money). So we are really going to need a 3-4 Nose Tackle fairly soon. Chris Hoke could step in and replace him, but again, he is getting old too.
3) Corner back. Yes, Gay will replace McFadden and do fine. Yes, Deshea Townsend is still there and can step into the starting role if needed. Yes we just picked up our only free agent from another team (a 27 year old perennial back up corner). But we don’t have a young guy in the mix that will eventually replace Taylor or Gay. Gay was that guy and now he will start. So we still do need to get a young guy in there that can become a starter eventually.
4) Wide Receiver. I guess I’m not 100% sold on Sweed and Baker just yet. I’m sure they can be a #3 for at least a year, but can either of them be a #1 or #2? Ward might only have a few seasons left and Holmes might never get another contract with the Steelers (depends on what he’ll ask for money wise). So we need to figure out who will be our next two starting wide receivers some day.
5) Safety. Troy and Ryan are the best two safeties in football as far as I am concerned. The problem is that behind them we’re not exactly lighting it up with talent. Tyrone Carter is okay. Hell, I can’t even remember what other safeties are on the roster other than him for that matter. We need some depth here.
6) Linebacker. For the 100th time you’ll here me say I am ALWAYS okay with the Steelers drafting a linebacker. In a 3-4 defense you need to make sure you always have a stable of young linebackers available. As you can see with James Harrison, good ones cost you plenty. You can’t afford to pay 4 guys like that so you have to always have quality young guys to plug in there and fill the holes.

And that’s about it. We are plenty deep at RB, QB, and TE so there isn’t much left to talk about.

In previous years I would get very worked up with the order we drafted these positions in. This year, I’m not worried at all. I could really care less what order we draft any of these guys in because at least for this year, we probably don’t need any of them. So we have the luxury of biding our time and taking the best player. And if that means packaging two picks together to jump ahead of someone to get our guy, go for it.

This should be a stress free draft for Steelers fans. So I can sit back, drink a beer, and enjoy.

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!

-David

The Aftermath... and the New Beginning

2009-02-21T08:07:00.001-07:00

Wow, what a Superbowl. The Steelers obviously won taking my post season pick record to 7-4.

The game itself left me an emotional wreck. My wife and I were watching it with a bunch of Cowboys fans and general haters. So they took great fun in fucking with us every single time Arizona did anything. That said, my only option was to get really drunk and put on my full Steelers tailgating armor and fight back. Because of this, I couldn’t remember most of the game except that last drive.

So this past Sunday I finally re-watched the game and here are my observations:

In the 1st quarter, Arizona only had the ball 1 time (5 plays, 13 yards).

Ben’s rushing TD should not have been overturned.

Ben is awesome… On the first touchdown drive, on 3rd and 10, he hits Heath Miller for a 1st down after an awesome scramble.

The interception with 2:01 left in the 2nd half was not really Ben’s fault (tipped high in the air).

Very next series: James Harrison 100 yard INT for TD. The blocking was incredible, especially as he moved through the area where the Arizona offensive line was pursuing.

End of first half.

3rd quarter. This is where I predicted the game would be won or lost.

First possession, Arizona with time consuming drive ending on PIT 49, punt.

Second possession, Ben to Hines for another clutch 3rd down conversion. Ben kept the ball, scrambled like crazy, ended up getting roughed by Dansby (bullshit call but they all are). Rack it up to the scramble. Later in that drive, bullshit call against Arizona’s Adrian Wilson for running into the holder on a field goal try. Manage to get to 1st and goal but still can only walk away with a field goal.

Third possession, Arizona starts on their 20. The quarter ends on that drive.

Overall, the 3rd quarter was uneventful. The Steelers win it 3-0. My prediction comes true, I guess, though it wasn’t as spectacular as I thought it would be. For the record, Arizona would finally end this drive in the 4th quarter with a punt.

How did this game get close? 13 minutes to go in the 4th and Steelers are up 20-7 with the ball at the 50.

Well, it started with a sack by the Cardinals on Ben on 3rd down with that ball at 50.

Arizona receives a Steelers punt on their 13 yard line with 11:30 left. On their first full possession of 4th: Lot of passing. Lot of 1st downs. Passing into middle of field (TE, WR-Fitzgerald, JJ. Arrington, Fitzgerald again, and Fitzgerald again, quick Hightower pass and then Fitzgerald again in the end zone (fade). Damn near all these passes are into the middle of the field. Arizona figured something out and adjusted. Fitzgerald is good, really good. Taylor defended the TD play about as well as you can.. Drive took only 3:57 (lot of quick passes).

Steelers ball. Parker up middle. Sack (Dockett, number 2 on the game). Pass to Miller. Punt. 3 and out. Credit the Arizona defense.

Arizona ball. Steelers touch the punt dead. ~5:30 left in game. 20-14. Bullshit personal foul on Ike Taylor (fucking with a guy out of bounds). Breaston with a huge 26 yard catch and run up the middle (again!). Troy almost picked a ball off (a little outside). 3rd and 20. Steelers bring too much pressure for Warner to handle. Punt. ARZ downs it on the 2. James Harrison with really bullshit personal foul. He was just beating the shit out of someone. It’s football for christ’s sake. It’s his job.

Pittsburgh ball. 3:26 to go. Ball on 1 yard line. 1st down, incomplete (Hines with a rare miss he should have caught). 2nd down, Parker up middle… close to a safety. Parker did a good job to avoid the safety with a massive 2nd effort push. 3rd and 10 from the goal line. Beautiful 1st down catch by Holmes, negated by an ultra bullshit holding call. Safety. Steelers free kick (from 20). It is interesting to note that Tomlin later claimed that if they did not get this first down (I assume he meant if the pass went incomplete) that he would have taken the safety anyhow as opposed to punting the ball from the goal line. I see no reason to doubt that he would have.

A lot of bullshit penalty calls in this game against both sides. Fairly poor officiating but at least the errors were pretty balanced on both sides, I guess.

Arizona gets the ball on their 36, down by 4 points with 2:53 left. Incomplete pass on 1st. 2nd down is Fitzgerald TD. Wow. My first thought as this play happened on 2/1/09 was, “at least they left plenty of time on the clock”. Both safeties playing deep but on the outsides. Middle was wide open after Fitz got past Ike and Harrison. There was a 4 man rush on Warner. Wow. Quick score. Plenty of time on the clock. Both safeties bit on each outside receiver moving to the sidelines. Fitz cut from left right up the middle after other WRs broke. That passing into the middle of the field stuff is getting really old.

PIT gets ball on 22 with 2:30 left. Arizona up 23-20. Plenty of time.

1st down: Pass to Moore (4 yds), Hold. Ball moved back to 12.

1st down: Ben drops back to 2 yd line, scrambles to avoid multiple sacks. Pass to Santonio for about 14 yards. NOTE: This play was my favorite of the game and the reason I think Ben should have won the MVP. He should have been sacked. We should have been 2nd and long from the 2. 98 yards to go and a very bleak outlook. I think 95% of the quarterbacks in the NFL would have been sacked on that play.

2nd down: Quick play to avoid 2 min warning… deep to Washington, incomplete.

3rd down: (and 6). Ben to Santonio, he stands in the pocket amidst all the pressure. 1st down!

1st down: Washington, 1st down. In bounds. Ball on 50.

1st down: Ben, scrambles, rush up middle for 4.

2nd down: Timeout. 1:02 left, on the 46 of Arizona. Ben, plenty of time in the pocket. Stays in it. Pass deep to Holmes, run down to 7 yard line!

1st and goal: Time out . 49 sec. Why the time out?????? That was the last time out. Should have saved it for a potential field goal or not used it so all the time could be run off the clock. Pass right through the hands of Holmes on the left side. He should have caught it. Pathetic. Needless to say during the actual Superbowl I was motherfucking Santonio up and down during the instant replays.

2nd and goal: Santonio. Perfect catch. Feet in bounds. TD! Plenty of time. Threw into 3 Arizona defenders in a strange kind of fade afterthought. Perfectly thrown. Perfectly caught. Why did Ben even throw it? Into triple coverage? Chances are by the time the ball gets there Holmes will be out of bounds. Replayed a million times. But both feet down, control of the ball. TD, motherfucker! 35 seconds left. NOTE: Its worth mentioning that the ball spot strangely moved half a yard between 1st and 2nd down.

Arizona ball on their 23 with 29 seconds left. Steelers ahead, 27-23.

1st down: Fitzgerald almost 20 yarder. Timeout. 22 seconds to go.

2nd down: Arrington for about 12. All these passes are in the middle. At this point it makes sense as we were obviously protecting the sidelines. 15 seconds left. Timeout.

3rd down: Warner. Steelers Pressure. Good coverage. Woodley creates a fumble. 5 seconds left. Kiesel recovers.

1st down, Steelers. Victory formation. Polamalu in the V. Game over.

Steelers win their 6th Superbowl, the only team in NFL history to win 6 of them.

Ben should have been MVP. But maybe that’s ok… keep him hungry. If we get back again maybe that will drive him to super human levels.

As predicted, the better team wins. Arizona had a few glorious moments, but you just can’t stop Pittsburgh for 60 straight minutes. They are too good.

NOTE: I apologize ahead of time for the rough transition here. Now that we have closure on the 2008 season, it is time to focus on 2009. No rest for the wicked or the World Champions!

The Steelers have many things to address in the offseason, including re-signing both free agents (M. Starks, M. Smith, C. Kemoeatu, T. Essex, B. McFadden, N. Washington, etc.) and re-signing guys going into the last year of their contracts (J. Harrison, H. Ward, H. Miller, J. Reed, etc.)

In my opinion, here is the order that I think the Steelers should focus on when extending/offering contracts:

James Harrison (1 year left on contract)
Hines Ward (1 year left of contract)
Heath Miller (1 year left on contract)
Jeff Reed (1 year left on contract)
Bryant McFadden (Free Agent at the end of the month)
M. Starks (Free Agent at end of month, Steelers franchised him again)
Chris Kemoeatu (Free Agent at the end of the month)
Nate Washington (Free Agent at the end of the month)
Kenyaron Fox (Free Agent at the end of the month)

That said, I’d like to see them lock up McFadden before he become a free agent. The rest of the free agents I’m okay if the Steelers wait until they hit the market.

It seems like an automatic at this point that they will resign Harrison and Starks.

While I didn’t list him above, I also think we need to re-sign Charlie Batch. I didn’t list him because I think it is a given that he wants to come back so I can’t imagine it would be a great challenge to sign him.

The next priority will be the draft. I’m sure I’ll talk about that a lot later but off the cuff we need to pick up Offensive Lineman, Defensive Lineman, a Wide Receiver (especially if we don’t re-sign Washington), and maybe a Safety. A Corner if we don’t resign McFadden. Of course you’ll never hear me complain about drafting Linebackers.

Enjoy the offseason!

-David

Pittsburgh's going to the Superbowl (Here we go)

2009-01-31T08:24:00.001-07:00

Well fuck me running up the side of a hill if lightening didn’t strike 3 times and the Cardinals once again muckered up my prognosticating. 1-1 last week brings me to a barely respectable 6-4 for the post season. But you know what? I think I can pull out the Superbowl pick and put myself over the edge here. Why?

Because Pittsburgh’s going to the Superbowl! Here we go!

Needless to say I’m ecstatic about this. We finally have the opportunity to pull in front of Dallas and San Francisco and take our rightful place atop the modern day NFL mountain. The other nice thing about this past bye week is that I’m also not a basket case like I was prior to Superbowl XL. Am I overconfident this time? Maybe. Am I just the second coming of Nostradamus as I proclaimed at the beginning of the post season? Maybe. Let’s get to the game analysis and then you can be the judge.

Pittsburgh vs Arizona? Who would have thunk it. Pittsburgh shouldn’t shock anyone as they’ve played high quality football all year long, pummeling their way through the league’s most difficult schedule at start of season. Arizona, on the other hand, started the year well, but then completely fell apart and only made the playoffs because they are in the weakest division in the NFL, the NFC West. Nonetheless, when they did get to the post season, they certainly did step up their game, especially on the defensive side of the ball. Can they pull out one more magical game and take their place in history? Another team did something similar a couple years back by squeaking into the playoffs and winning every game on the road to finally take down the Lombardi trophy in Detroit, MI. That team was the Pittsburgh Steelers and that magical run was the aforementioned Superbowl XL.

But the Arizona Cardinals are not the Pittsburgh Steelers and that, in the end, will be why Pittsburgh wins this game.

When I first started contemplating the game, I was a little nervous. Ken Whisenhunt is a good coach with a knack for knowing exactly when to throw in a trick play that can change the momentum of the game. If the Cardinals defense could at least keep the game under control for the first half, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Whis could pull out a trick play in the second half that could give the Cardinals the lead and then allow them to ride out the momentum all the way to the end.

And I think it probably will be a close game to an extent in the first half. I think you’ll see a halftime score that puts one team up by less than 10 points. I’m not even sure which team will be ahead to tell you the truth. But that is not going to matter because I think Pittsburgh will come out of the second half and play 30 minutes of pure ball control football. They’ll use the first half to soften up the Arizona defense and I think you’ll see the Willie Parker show in the second half as we proceed to keep the Arizona offense off the field. And when they get on the field (especially in the 4th quarter), you’re going to start seeing the wheels come off as the Steelers take advantage of their desperation.

I don’t think the Steelers’ will register a single sack in the first half. However in the second half I think you’ll see Warner on his ass 3 or 4 times and he’ll also turn the ball over at least 2 times. As the Steelers smell the fear they will become almost inhuman in their aggression, kind of like sharks circling a raft full of shipwrecked sailors. Feeding Frenzy. Double Frenzy.

By the time the clock ticks to zero, I think we’ll see that one team has completely and totally imposed their will on the other team.

And that will be the Steelers, 35 to 20.

Is that because Tomlin/Lebeau will win the coaching battle with Whis/Haley? Is that because Big Ben will not turn the ball over? Is that because the Steelers D will finally crack the riddle of getting to Warner? Or is that because Warner is a flaming douchebag?

No. The reason the Steelers will win this game is actually very simple. As a group of individuals that build up into a team, the Steelers are just flat out better. And the better team is going to win this game. At damn near every position on the field we are better than they are (and that includes the cornerbacks, Paul).

Yeah, Whis probably will catch us with our pants down for a trick play. But you can only hide the lack of talent on that team for so long with smoke and mirrors. The Steelers will destroy those mirrors and once again lift the Lombardi trophy above their heads.

-David

Other random thoughts on the big game:

Whoever wins the 3rd quarter will win the game.

I do wonder how Hines Ward will be in the game. They list him as probable and I do believe he’ll be in pretty good shape. If he is playing well and the knee is not bothering him I think that is just another nail in the coffin of Arizona. With Hines and Heath Miller on the field, both our clutch 3rd down weapons will be on display. Let the first downs begin!!

As far as the MVP? I would LOVE it if Hines would get it again. But I guess I’m leaning towards Big Ben taking it this time. My back up pick would be Troy Polamalu.

I read this week that the Mayor of Phoenix pretended to blow his nose on the Terrible Towel and then he threw it on the ground. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE, douchebag. No one disrespects the Terrible Towel. You’ll have to learn the hard way.

I also hear that the Steelers Nation has descended on Tampa. The vast majority of the true fans in audience tomorrow night will be Steelers fan. This is no surprise. The Cardinals and their fans aren’t going to know what to think. Our fans, like the team, are prepared for battle when they travel. Thousands of drunken yinzers will pour into the stadium in infinite waves to see the damage that will be wrought, drinking every last drop of beer the vendors have to sell in the process. The Cardinals fans are not going to know what to think of this. I expect the majority of them to shit their pants in fear of the Black and Gold mob. Hell, by the end of the game they will probably become Steelers fans. They will see that life is more fun that way.

And what’s up with the media all of a sudden starting to pick Arizona. It’s damn near becoming fashionable. Maybe they think Arizona is charmed? Maybe they are just haters? The majority of those hacks are still picking the Steelers but it disturbs me that more than a couple seem to think the Cardinals could do this. I think it must be the NFL paying them off to make people think it will be a good, close game.

As for me? Unlike Superbowl XL, I will not huddle inside my house like a crazed hermit and watch the game far away from the eyes of the my critics. I’ll be going into the belly of the beast – No – not to an Arizona Cardinals fan’s house (because there are no such things in existence). Rather I’ll be going to my buddy Dave’s Superbowl party. Dave is a Bengals fan (he has issues) but I’ll be surrounded by two of the biggest Pittsburgh Haters I know (Cowboys fans, of course) as well as your odds and ends of Redskins and Bills and etc. As far as I know, my wife and I will be the only two Steelers fans in attendance. But don’t fear, dear reader. I am true Black and Gold to the core and I will rise above all the haters and help the rest of the Steelers Nation will them on to victory.

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!

-David

PS: Obviously this week’s entry is about the farthest thing from “objective” as you can get. But fuck it. Give me a break this one time. That part about us being the better group of players is true and is honestly why I think the Steelers will win.

PSS: Fuck Kurt Warner and his wacked out Christianity. And fuck his haggly wife. On second thought, no, we’ll leave him to fuck that nasty thing. The only thing that could be better than a Steelers win would be a Steelers win which includes us knocking that fucknut out of the game and forcing Playboy Leinart to come in and embarrass his team. Salt on the wound, baby.

Conference Championships, baby!

2009-01-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

Now that’s more like it. I went 3-1 last weekend which brings my post season picks to 5-3.

Before we get to the meat of this weekend’s picks, let’s just get the bane of my post season predictions out of the way… what’s up with the Cardinals? Did they really win that game or did Jake Delhomme and the Carolina secondary just flat out lose it in a cataclysmic fashion?

This weekend’s NFC Championship game between the Cardinals and the Eagles is going to come down to one thing: mistakes. I’m not even going to be obvious and say turnovers. I’m going to say any kind of mistake (turnovers, blown coverage, missed protection pick up on the line, etc.). What I mean by that is that apparently Arizona CAN beat a real team if they play a perfect game. But I just don’t think they can afford to make a single mistake. One mistake and they are probably done. Philadelphia, on the other hand, can probably afford to make a few mistakes and still win because, let’s face it, they are better than Arizona. This especially holds true when the Cardinals D faces the Philly offense. Philly’s offense has a tendency to sputter (especially in the last couple games) while Arizona’s defense has been playing on FIRE. If those two trends keep up… The Arizona Cardinals in the Superbowl? Could it be?

All that said, I’m taking Philly. I don’t see lightening striking 3 times in a row.

Now, to the important game this weekend: Pittsburgh vs Baltimore. Let’s face it, neither of those NFC teams could beat either of these AFC North powerhouses. So when you watch the AFC Championship this weekend, you are finding out who will be the Superbowl champ.

Both teams are bruising juggernauts on both offense and defense. Thankfully, I think this one boils down to injuries, which favors the Steelers who only have Troy Polamalu and Justin Hartwig with ailments. Now, I need to be careful when I say “only” Polamalu because he is just that big of a difference maker. In addition, while Justin Hartwig is not even close to being the best center in the league, he is the guy who snapped balls to Big Ben all year. So I hope whoever our back up center is (Darnel Stapleton?) he is getting a lot of practice snaps this week. There is nothing worse than a botched snap exchange that leads to a lost fumble. And while Hartwig may be ready to go at the beginning of the game, what if he gets re-injured during the war? Let’s be ready just in case.

On the other hand, the Ravens have a ton of walking wounded. And unlike the Steelers, their injuries are serious enough that guys might not even play. The most notable are Terrell Suggs, Samari Rolle, and Le’Ron McLain. Remember what happened last year to the Steelers when Aaron Smith and Ryan Clark went down and on top of that Troy should have gone down (but he is just too damn tough for that). Our defense essentially fell apart. If both Suggs and Rolle don’t play combined with some of the other guys on D who are banged up… I just don’t see how Baltimore can win this game. The Steelers offense, while anemic most of the year, should be able to take advantage of that. Especially the passing game as Suggs is critical to their pass rush and Rolle is a key to defending the pass.

On offense, McClain is one of the only running backs this year who gave the Steelers D some problems. We ended up containing him pretty well in both games, but he is a big, bruising son of a bitch. If he is out of there and all we have to do is contain Willis McGahee… well let’s just say I think it is going to be a long game or Joe Flacco as we won’t have to respect the run so much. If Ray Rice wasn’t injured a while back I would be concerned about him as well as he is their rookie change of pace back. In fact if all 3 RBs were healthy I would be fairly nervous. But it looks like only McGahee will be healthy enough to make an impact which heavily favors the Steelers. McClain will probably play, but I expect him to re-injure his ankle and spend most of the game on the sidelines.

After the injuries, the next biggest key to this game is the quarterbacks. Everyone knows that these defenses are the two best in the league, so how will these quarterbacks attack? I think this key boils down to which QB throws the better deep balls. The Pittsburgh D had a few uncharacteristic issues with the deep ball last week against the Chargers. I’m sure Baltimore noticed that and will attack that aggressively with Flacco’s big time arm. He can really wail one down the field and Coach Harbaugh seems to have no problem getting those kinds of plays dialed up for him.

On the flip side, Big Ben can also throw a ball out the back of the stadium parking lot. The difference here is probably Ed Reed. He is biggest ball hawk in the league. This whole story line probably boils down to who wins the mental game of Big Ben vs Ed Reed. Can Ed disguise his deep coverage enough to force Ben to throw into an area he is watching? Can Ben get a bead on Reed and make sure to keep the ball away from his range of coverage? To be honest, I don’t know who will win this battle. What I do know is that Bruce Arians can help this situation GREATLY by always giving Ben two options on the deep ball plays. I’d like to see him call plays where if there is a deep route, there are two. For example, send Washington on a deep post down the right sideline and Holmes down the left. Or send one of them and Hines Ward down the same sideline and then about 25 yards out have Hines cut his route back to the middle of the field. This way, you are probably forcing Reed to bite on one of the two routes. If he does, then Ben can just toss the ball to the other route who most likely now has single man coverage.

If Ben can keep the ball away from Ed Reed, the Steelers can and will win this game.

This game will be a battle of the ages. It will be one of those games, like the Immaculate Reception where the Superbowl isn’t the most remembered game of that post season. Thirty years from now, when people think back on Superbowl XLIII, they are going to have a vague memory in the back of their mind that Baltimore and Pittsburgh were playing for the Lombardi trophy. This game will be burned so deeply into their memories that they’ll completely forget it was just the AFC Championship game, not the Superbowl.

I can’t wait.

For the record, I’m picking Pittsburgh.

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!

-David

PS: And also for the record, in the Superbowl I’m picking the AFC team, regardless of what happens in either game this weekend.

Predictions, Divisional Round style

2009-01-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe I’m not the second coming of Nostradamus quite yet. With only a .500 record from last week’s games I’m not exactly tearing up the post season. Shit, a coin flip can get 0.500 accuracy picking football games.

But I’ll make it up this week. Since it’s Saturday morning already and the Baltimore/Tennessee game is only 6 hours away, I’ll get straight to the point:

Baltimore/Tennessee: This has a good chance of being the best football game of the week and I’m very excited for this one. I can really see either team winning it but I’m going with Baltimore. They seem to be on fire and come on… Kerry Collins?

Carolina/Arizona: This will likely be the worst game of the week as Carolina just completely destroys the Cardinals. Next.

New York Giants/Philadelphia: This also will likely be a great game. I’m going with Philly as I think they are on fire and, as you know, I really think the Giants are always one game away from self destruction. Consider this implosion week.

Pittsburgh/San Diego: This will hopefully not be the best game this week. By that I mean I hope the Steelers just beat the holy shit out of San Diego, which is quite possible. What is more likely to happen is the offense, led by Big Ben, turning the ball over 3 times and the Steelers just barely squeaking out the victory. If they turn it over 4+ times, San Diego wins. That said, I’m taking Pittsburgh.

That’s the picks for this week. Enjoy the games,
-David

I am Nostradamus

2009-01-02T09:01:00.001-07:00

This past summer, Judas Priest released a double CD concept album about the life and times of Nostradamus. It is called “Nostradamus” and it rocks very fucking hard.

As I look back through some of my 2008 NFL predictions from the beginning of the season, I can’t help but to think that I am very much like Nostradamus.

NOTE: As I’m writing this I’m listening to “Nostradamus”, in particular the song “Prophecy” which was the song they opened up their concert with this summer. Let me just say that Judas Priest FUCKING ROCKS!!!! And Rob Halford is a FUCKING BEAST!!!!!!

Anyway, here is what I was thinking back in early September:

1) The defending Superbowl Champion New York Giants will finish no better than 3rd in the NFC East (and miss the playoffs).
Well, I got this one pretty wrong and I’m pissed about that. I hate the Giants and I hate that they won the NFC East. I still think they will unravel, though, so I would like to re-visit this one more time before the Superbowl. My new post season prediction is that they lose their first playoff game. They are a bunch of dumb, punk ass twats.

2) Brett Favre will help the Jets and get them to respectability this year (not quite to the playoffs, but close).
I’m going to call this one a success. I know people are all on the hate bandwagon for Eric Man-gina and Favre for supposedly sinking the Jet’s playoffs hopes, but let’s just say it takes 53 men and a whole coaching staff to lose games so don’t just heap it all on those two. Keep in mind this team was PATHETIC last season so I’d call 9-7 and just missing the playoffs respectable year over year.

3) The Jacksonville Jaguars will win the AFC South.
Damn. I knew Indy wouldn’t win the AFC South (I could smell the tide changing) but I thought it would be Jacksonville. Who would have predicted their collapse this season? Nostradamus? Not me. As much as I want to call this one a push I guess I have to call it a bad prediction.

4) The Pittsburgh Steelers will go 11-5 and win the AFC North.
Nailed this one. They technically went 12-4 but I’m taking this as a win.

5) The Cincinnati Bengals will go 2-14 and Marvin Lewis will still not be fired.
I’m calling this one a win also. I think they ended up something like 4-11-1. What a bunch of flaming douchebags the Bungles are. I know the coaching hatchets have not all fallen yet, but trust me, Lewis will keep his job and those pictures of Mike Brown blowing the dead corpse of his father, Paul, will remain safely in the vault.

6) 7-9 will win the NFC West (the Cardinals or Rams, if anyone cares).
You know, I’m going to call this one a win. Technically I think the Cardinals were 9-7, but you have to agree that the NFC West is still the weakest division in football. And the Seahawks are a bunch of Shit-hawks which always makes me happy.

7) Santonio Holmes will statistically be the best WR in the NFL.
I pretty much go this one 100% wrong. Wow, Santonio performed well below my expectations. Let’s hope he either snaps out of his funk next year or Limas Sweed catches on. If not, our WR corps is going to look a little anemic next year after Hines Ward and Heath Miller.

8) Satan will come to claim the soul of Bill Belifuck and his bitch, Tom Brady.
Yeah, let’s call this a win. For sure, Brady had to finally punch his ticket. Let’s hope all those infections he had during his recovery will end his career. Fuck him. And since Belifuck missed the playoffs I’m guessing Mr. D also tapped him on the shoulder and told him it’s time. Expect the Patriots to go 2-14 next year. YEAH!

9) The Cleveland Browns will take the leagues best offseason and still manage to fuck it up and lose.
This one was almost too easy. How could you not see this coming? I feel bad even taking credit for this one. See you later, Romeo… was nice knowing you. Maybe some other NFL team is hiring big, fat cheerleaders with blank looks on their faces because that is all you were.

10) Rashard Mendenhall will score more yards from the line of scrimmage than Felix Jones (this does not include special teams).
I’m also pissed about losing this one because I actually made a bet with my buddy Jack on this item. I’m not sure what the totals finally were, but I’m 99% sure Felix did edge out Rashard. I’ll make this same prediction next year, though, what the hell.

11) DeSean Jackson is the rookie sensation WR of the year.
I’m not sure about this one. I’ll call it a push. DeSean did a lot for the Eagles this year but you also have to give a lot of props to Eddie Royal. And that said, I’m not sure either of them were truly sensations.

Not bad, eh? If I tally that up I was 6-4-1. I’m thinking anything over 50% success rate in the prediction arena constitutes a win right?

What about the post season? I thought somewhere in a previous post this year I picked the Superbowl as a Dallas vs San Diego affair but I can’t seem to find that post. I also remember thinking, after the first week of the season when the Steelers trounced the Texans that I would reserve the right to sub in Pittsburgh instead of the Chargers. But I think I was too lazy to post that addendum so we’ll not count that now. But for sure, Dallas vs anyone obviously won’t happen as Dallas choked a huge dong and missed the playoffs (boo hoo). As I sit here today I’m going to go with Carolina vs Pittsburgh in the Superbowl. My dark horses would be Philadelphia in the NFC and Indianapolis in the AFC.

As far as Wild Card Weekend, I’m going with:

Atlanta over Arizona

Indy over San Diego

Baltimore over Miami

Philadelphia over Minnesota

Yep, I’m picking all four road teams this week. On any given Sunday (or Saturday in this case)…

So get your beer’s chilled and your hot fries ready to go. The NFL post season is at hand!

Enjoy,

-David

Cell phones will destroy our society

2008-12-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

Before I get into this deal, let me give you a disclaimer: I know I’m about to sound like I’m 80+ years old. You don’t have to point that out to me. I get it.

I’m convinced that cell phones will be the downfall of our modern day society. They are removing vibrant, personal interaction and replacing it with a cold, sanitary form of communication.

I give you exhibit #2 (#1 will come later). Yesterday evening, my daughter and I were running errands after school/work and decided, in an effort to save time, we would eat a nutritious dinner at McDonalds. NOTE: This marks the 3rd time I’ve eaten fast food in the last month (way above my average) and the 2nd time of those 3 that I’ve had RAGING diarrhea afterwards. Coincidence?

Anyhow, as we were sitting there, letting the food slide down our throats after only 1 or 2 bites (wonderful technology McDonalds has… pre-digested food that dissolves on contact with saliva), when a cool, edgy group of teenagers came in. They were all “punks” as evidenced by their skin tight pants, studded belts, Misfits T-shirts, and temporary hair dye. Although, a couple of them had extra makeup on so maybe they were goth punks or emo punks or some subdivision of punks. They were WAY cool, though, trust me on that one.

So these young hipsters invaded the McDonalds in full force. There were like eight of them at least. Of that four of them were either talking or texting on cell phones. Since they were in communication with someone other than the other seven people they were with, those four were off in their own little world, not paying attention to their surroundings or much of anything other than that little plastic devil box.

The four poor bastards whose parents apparently wouldn’t let them have a cell phone, were also not talking to each other. They were just staring off into space like they were zombies. Zombies who were cursing their parents somewhere deep in the pit of their dark, black hearts… “Why won’t you buy me a cell phone, Dad? Punky Johnny has one? That girl with the pancake makeup, fake eyelashes, and a streak of pale green in her hair has one? You know, the one with ultra pale skin and a bunch of zits? Why are you such a dick, Dad?”

With eerie silence this pack of undead robots shuffled through the restaurant. They milled about aimlessly for a few moments. How did they know where and when to move without any verbal communication? Was it telepathy? Is it just a herd instinct? Fascinating.

Eventually they moved over to the line and queued up. If they had any emotion I’m sure they would have been all giddy and eager with anticipation at the feast they were about to consume. But there is no room for emotion, evidently, when you are tapping away at that fucking little keypad trying to make any kind of sense out of one letter words.

Let’s move to Exhibit #1. I was at a bar in Santa Monica last June with my brother in law. We were drinking whisky, singing karaoke, and generally have a good old time. I looked over at a table of four dudes in their mid to late twenties. Two of the dudes had their faces buried in their cell phones, texting to god knows who. The other two, were just staring off into space. Again, zombies. This went on for at least 5 minutes. Literally nothing changed for 5 minutes. Two of them texted and two of them stared of into space. Not one word was spoken during that time.

I began to shout at them with my mind. “Who the FUCK are you texting? You’re at a bar! Either text them to come to the bar or go see them and talk to them in person! If you’re going to be at the bar, have a good time at the fucking bar with the people you are with! You are SO FUCKING rude! If I was in your party I would slam that phone out of your hand, bring my heel down on it and smash it into hundreds of tiny pieces which I would proceed to shove up your ass one by one.”

I just don’t get it. If you are going to go out with your friends, shouldn’t you hang out with the friends you are with? If you want to hang out with someone else, then go hang out with them and see these people later. The zombies that hang out with them are just as bad because they just sit back and take that disrespect. They must have the lowest self esteem on Earth to be content to sit next to a person while he or she has a great time engaging in a trivial conversation with someone else. To me it would be akin to me sitting in bed, naked, with my naked wife, while another dude proceeds to jump on top of her and screw her brains out while I just sit there and stare about the room like nothing is going on.

If we continue down this road, we’ll evolve into creatures that don’t have mouths or ears anymore. Let me tell you, go ahead and Photoshop some hot model by removing her/his ears and mouth? Not too sexy. In addition to this undesirable physical modification, we apparently are also moving towards a two caste system of the privileged and non-privileged. The privileged (let’s call them Textors) will have a bunch of contacts that they can text at any hour of the day and night. The non-privileged (let’s call them Bitches) will be troglodytes that have no other friends and therefore must hang out with the privileged, who allow them to tag along sort of like obedient dogs.

That is not a society that I want to be involved with. So if some day, while you are texting your buddy, if someone starts to shriek and slaps your cell phone out of your hand (and maybe shoves the pieces up your ass)… that’s me.

You are forewarned.

-David

Did you watch the debate tonight?

2008-10-15T21:22:00.001-06:00

John McCain is a fucking idiot. Fucking diarrhea mouth old coot.

-David

Foreign Affairs

2008-09-27T08:57:00.001-06:00

Coming off the presidential debate last night I am again reminded how much my own beliefs on foreign policy differ from just about any mainstream politician.

Before I go into more details, though, I want to tell you that what you are about to read is me being serious. You might thing, “Aw, that’s just David being an crazy asshole again as is his style”. But, no, this is really how I feel (this time!)

You see, I’m an isolationist. I truly believe that our foreign policy should be to bring home every troup that is currently anywhere on foreign soil. Immediately.

With our troops back home safe, we can then go about fixing our own country. We can downsize our military and use the savings from not waging wars and keeping such a large killing machine to provide healthcare, care for the retired and elderly, and trying to improve our education system so we don’t create so many idiots.

And when someone knocks on our door to tell us that they are being invaded or that their dictator is abusing them, my answer would be simple: deal with it yourself.

I’m a big fan of survival of the fittest. If someone is bullying you, beat the shit out of them. If you can’t, then die. This obviously presents some moral issues, I suppose. With this policy, certain countries will be wiped off the map and maybe even entire populations. With us being such a big super power, people will question whether we have a moral obligation to protect those who are less fortunate or powerful.

To that I say, no, we have no such responsibility. A lot of people might and will die if we don’t help them, but that’s okay. If they were stronger, they would live. Since they aren’t they will die. It’s the natural order of things. When you help the weak survive, you bring down the strength of the greater entity. Helping the weak is not the natural order of things.

You might object and say that my attitude is wrong because compassion is what separates us from animals. I would counter by saying who ever said we were anything but animals?

But David, with your shit attitude towards the rest world the Russians would overrun the Georgians? Oh well.

But David, the poor people of Iraq would not get the “American style” freedom that we know they want! Oh well.

But David, what about the Palestinians? They might wipe the Jewish people right off the face of the Middle East. Oh well.

I don’t care. This is not my concern. My concern is the welfare of my fellow Americans. If those people want to come over and join us, that’s cool. Let’s make them American citizens and then protect them over here. But if they want to stay where they are, I suggest they learn to fight.

Needless to say, neither of the 2 party candidates share my belief which is not surprising. In fact, no President will ever share my belief because to be President, you have to be kind of plain and vanilla. But that’s okay, because the one thing I have as a citizen of this country (that we should worry about taking care of more, rather than police forcing the world) is my freedom to think and say whatever I want. You can and will never take that away from me.

Oh, and to those of you who would tell me that we are trying to protect the freedoms I love by keeping the fight against terrorism back at its source I would tell you: Grow up. Don’t be such a fool. None of this bullshit is really about protecting anyones freedom… except maybe the freedom to make a fuckload of money.

And to those of you who think we will leave ourselves exposed to attack on our soil if we’re not out and about in the world bullying people around I would tell you about the other part of my other policy. And if you thought I was an insensitive prick for what I already wrote you’re really going to love this part! If at anytime anyone invades my nation’s soil, I will blow them off the face of the earth; Their entire country and everyone in it. I will bring down hell upon their land to the extent that nothing will ever be able to live there for eons to come. So don’t even think of fucking with my country. We’re going to leave all you bozos alone and I expect the same courtesy. And if a terrorist attacks (rather than a country), I will find out which country they are operating out of and I will decimate that country, killing every living being within it. So in addition to not fucking with us, you’d better keep an eye out for who is living in your country and potentially fucking with us because you will be held accountable.

Am I a prick? For sure. But that is how I feel. I suppose you can take relief in the fact that I never will be President!

Other random thoughts:

I think I have to give the “win” in the debate last night to Obama. That’s not because I thought he kicked McCain’s ass because I thought it was fairly close. I say that because it would seem that McCain should have whipped Obama in this debate but he didn’t. That’s probably going to be a problem for McCain because Obama will now just get stronger from here on out. Certainly that will be true after Biden completely embarassasses Palin in the VP debate next week. That’s going to be the funniest show I’ve seen in a long time. I just wish the VP candidates could also debate the Presidential candidates because it would be funny to see Obama also whip up on Palin and then Biden beat the holy shit out of McCain. Oh well.

I will give both candidates credit for basically answering all the questions. For the most part, neither of them pulled the classic politician move by providing an answer to a completely different question. Obama did that to some extent in the beginning of some of this answers, but he did always come back and answer the original question in the end.

I’m am now officially worried about the Steelers defense. With Kiesel out and Hampton out we are down to 1 starter on the D-Line. I think they can still win games like this (in the short term), but if we have any other injury on D at this point on the line or in the starting secondary, I think we will collapse.

I’m not worried about the offense yet, though, because I still can’t figure out what the hell happened in the Philly game. I’ve read articles that it was a coaching issue (not making adjustments) and a bit of an execution issue (everyone not on the same page with adjustments) and I suppose that makes sense. If that is the case, they should be able to overcome that immediately. But if that is not true, I fear Roethlisberger could be killed on Monday night against the Ravens as he’s sacked 20 times. It will be interesting to see which Steelers offense takes the field on Monday night.

-David

Random Thoughts

2008-09-05T20:22:00.000-06:00

Random thoughts going into the 2008 NFL season:

The defending Superbowl Champion New York Giants will finish no better than 3rd in the NFC East (and miss the playoffs).

Brett Favre will help the Jets and get them to respectability this year (not quite to the playoffs, but close).

The Jacksonville Jaguars will win the AFC South.

The Pittsburgh Steelers will go 11-5 and win the AFC North.

The Cincinnatti Bengals will go 2-14 and Marvin Lewis will still not be fired.

7-9 will win the NFC West (the Cardinals or Rams, if anyone cares).

Santonio Holmes will statistically be the best WR in the NFL.

Satan will come to claim the soul of Bill Belifuck and his bitch, Tom Brady.

The Cleveland Browns will take the leagues best offseason and still manage to fuck it up and lose.

Rashard Mendenhall will score more yards from the line of scrimmage than Felix Jones (this does not include special teams).

DeSean Jackson is the rookie sensation WR of the year.

Enjoy the season, y’all!!!!

-David

Breaking the Chains Way Down In The Hole Part 2 and Where The Hell Is My Punter?

2008-08-04T21:53:00.002-06:00

Needless to say, this entry will be a little bit irrelevant since it took me one extra month to write Part 2. This summer has just been crazy busy with visiting friends and family, drinking, and Call of Duty 4… not much time to write.

And actually it is not the Tom Waits show that makes me want to write, it is the beginning of Steelers training camp 2008 that has given me the itch. So no disrespect to Tom intended, but I’m going to race through a quick re-cap of the show and get to some football.

Summary of Tom Waits concert in El Paso (6/20/08):

Bud and Denise came in to see the show. Good to see them. Had a great time.

Drank a few beers on the back porch before we headed downtown.

Hit La Nortena before the show for as many beers as we could drink. Tried to choke down some seviche (ended up being dinner).

Walked to theatre. Big line (2 blocks away). Couldn’t believe it was to get into the theatre, so walked up to the front of the theatre and confirmed. Had to walk all the way to the back of the line.

Many idiots wearing stupid hats in line.

Theatre was really cool. BUT, I prefer to see shows in bars as it is easier to get drunk.

Lost Bud and Denise once we got into theatre (we were not sitting together). After 10 minutes of scanning audience, located Bud on other side of the theatre. Screamed “BUD!!!” at the top of my lungs. Bud saw me and waved back. Many idiots with stupid hats looked at me like I was a freak. Ha, Ha, the joke is on them.

Guy next to me smelled really bad and had that nervous tick where he couldn’t stop quickly moving his leg up and down. At one point I gently touched his leg with my leg to get him to stop. He didn’t stop. Then it became a game: how hard could I press my leg against his before he would react. After about 5 minutes I had my legs spread as wide as they could, as if I was receiving head from someone kneeling in front of me and my left leg had jammed both of his legs into the person to his left. Motherfucker’s leg still didn’t stop moving up and down like a piston. Strange stuff.

Show was awesome. Tom was in a shiny suit jacket and pants. Also wearing hat, but it doesn’t look stupid on him because he’s Tom Waits and not a 22 to 38 year old wanker.

Tom’s son played drums (didn’t realize it until days later). Tom’s younger son played some kind of bongo drum during one song (knew that was his son at the time as I think he announced it.

Guitar player was fucking awesome.

Sax player was CRAZY FUCKING AWESOME. I saw him play the following: alto sax, tenor sax, soprano sax, baritone sax, clarinet, bass clarinet (or some such weird instrument). Maybe flute? He also played two saxophones at the same time on one song. Incredible guy.

Tom was presented with the key to the city during the show. Made a bit out of it that was pretty funny.

A lot of douchebags with stupid hats.

Song list was very cool. Two out of three of my wishes were granted: 1) Play something from Heart of Saturday night (not granted), 2) Play something from Rain Dogs (granted), and 3) Play Goin’ Out West (granted). Here is the complete list.

Really enjoyed the show.

Closing thought (an open letter to all freaks wearing silly hats at a Tom Waits show): Listen, I know you can’t dress up and play eccentric rock star at your 9 to 5. But that is no excuse to put on a silly had and a stupid looking suit that smells of the Salvation Army store and parade around in public like a jackass. The reason you can’t wear that stupid shit everyday is, literally, because it is stupid looking. So keep it in the closet and dress up like Tom Waits for Halloween next year. You fucking douchebag, you. Do you see me wearing spandex and a mesh muscle shirt at the Dokken show? No, you don’t (even though I would look wicked cool!)

There we go. I now feel relieved that is out of the way. Again, I apologize if it was not my normal concert review. I think it just boils down to the fact that I was sober during the show and life is just not quite as exciting when I’m sober. So it goes.

Steelers Update 2008: Where the hell is my punter?

Daniel Sepulveda, the Steelers 2nd year punter is out for the year with some kind of torn tendon in his knee or some such shit. I really liked him in his rookie season and I think he was going to just get better in year 2.

To replace him, we picked up Paul Ernster. In case you don’t remember this shitbag: He started last season with the Cleveland Browns (warning sirens should already be going off in your head). He lasted all of one game (against the Steelers) and performed so profoundly horribly that the Browns released him after that opening game. Fast forward one year and now he’s on our team.

We therefore stand to enter the season with no better than the 33rd best punter in the league. Let me further remind you that our special teams during the last two years have been by far the weakest part of our game. In fact, the only reason they weren’t the worst in the entire league is the good play of the actual kickers (kicker and punter). The coverage and return units were just total, complete, worthless shit.

But maybe this is a blessing in disguise because Josh Cribbs can’t return a punt for a touchdown if the punter shanks it 20 yards out of bounds every time.

My brother in law (a Browns fan) suggested I go outside and practice punting for about an hour and then try to walk onto the Steelers training camp in Latrobe. He speculates that is all it would take for any average Joe to be able to kick better than Ernster.

Fuck me running, this is a bad omen to start the season.

-David

PS: In retrospect my favorite songs during the show were Falling Down, Chocolate Jesus, Lucky Day, and Dirt in the Ground

PSS: Man, I’ve forgotten how good Bone Machine is.

Breaking the Chains Way Down in the Hole

2008-07-02T13:20:00.001-06:00

I’ve been very busy so far this summer and have not had a chance to write about anything. That said, I am delinquent in reporting on the first two big shows of the summer: Dokken and Tom Waits, back to back, baby.

The Dokken show started out on a sour note as all my boys bailed on me and I was left attending alone (‘I’m alone again, without you….’). But no matter, there was metal to be had down at Wet “N” Wild water park and I was not about to let Don Dokken down. As it turns out, he is the only person I would have let down because he is the only one left that is currently touring. I didn’t realize it but George Lynch left the band over a decade ago (which kind of depressed me because he is one of the reasons I wanted to see them). I was also told, by the Mexican version of Big Lou Martin, that the drummer is still with the band but he is not on this particular tour. I found out afterwards that he already committed to touring with someone like Billy Idol for the summer so he had to tell old Donny boy to go on without him.

But I get ahead of myself. First things first: The opening act. It was supposed to be Great White, but thank the gods that something happened with one of them and they could not make it to El Paso. That was fortunate for my ears as they suck huge balls, but my “Please don’t incinerate me” sign was now no longer relevant. Oh well.

Instead, some local DJ douchebag got up on stage and announced (something to the effect of): “El Paso, we’ve got a treat for you tonight! Back from their recent world tour of London and the south of France, soon to be in Australia, El Paso’s own…. ULYSSES!!!”

It kind of reminded me of Cab Calloway introducing the Blues Brothers in the movie, except instead of a cool venue in the suburbs of Chicago with a crowd about to enjoy good R&B music, it was a water park in the desert outskirts of El Paso with about 2,000 cholos and me about to enjoy some quasi-shitty cover band.

But at first I was optimistic because Ulysses came out blasting both barrels with a really good version of Aldo Nova’s “Fantasy”. So far so good. The second song was unknown to me and at first I thought it was their own song but after listening to the rest of the set I just assume it was a cover I was not familiar with.

The third song was “Separate Ways” by Journey. Good idea, bad execution. The lead singer was not good. Not good at all. He was like a 240 lb version of Artie Lang, except with long, mullet like hair. Kind of like a “Beer League” Artie Lange plus about 10 pounds. Let’s just say he was no Steve Perry.

After that they took us on a hellish tour of 80s metal that included painful versions of random songs by AC/DC, Motley Crue, Guns and Roses, and the Scorpions. They also attempted Judas Priest (You’ve Got Another Thing Coming) and Iron Maiden (The Trooper) but again, Artie’s vocals were just so far off the mark that I couldn’t help but to cringe as I continued pounding 24 oz Bud Lights to make the pain go away.

Sometime after night fall, the horror show ended and silence descended down upon the water park as everyone ran to the tree lines to piss and refuel on more delicious Bud Light, Tecate, and Coors Light.

I was chilling back on a picnic table for the opening act but got up near the front of the outdoor stage for Dokken. This was going to be warfare, baby. No time for sitting down anymore in the heat of battle.

Dokken came out and immediately rocked the fucking shit out of that water park, playing every classic Dokken song you can think of except “Burning Like a Flame”. The line up included Don Dokken on vocals, some old dude with yellow shooting glasses on drums, some Carrot Top looking motherfucker on bass, and the band’s lawyer on guitar. The guitarist kind of looked like an undead transvestite: very pale, with sagging skin (no shirt!) on a small, bony frame, with some kind of fake ass looking long, straight hair. He was very undernourished (as if he’d eaten nothing but rancid human flesh) and apparently hadn’t seen the sun in about 6 or 7 years. He was no George Lynch, but I have to admit he could play the guitar very well and was a reasonable Lynch knock off.

During the Dokken set I befriend a large Mexican guy who very much reminded me of Big Lou Martin (in the face). He was probably in his mid to late twenties and he was like a walking encyclopedia of all things Dokken. His knowledge was vast and limitless when it came to anything related to the band. He knew every set list they ever played, which was especially handy as he knew exactly what song we should use as a piss and beer break (some 10 minute opus I hadn’t heard of).

So me and Big Lou rocked out very hard that night. The show was actually very good, but I couldn’t help to think that Don Dokken was a bit of a dickhead. This was the first show of his summer tour and I guess it was a bit of a warm up gig for the band (who were very tight so I give them credit for practicing hard!). But the whole time Don had this look on his face like, “Yeah, I’m a huge rock star and you guys are a bunch of fucking idiots. This whole town is a bunch of fucking hicks with no brains or more of you would have come out to worship me. I am a rock god and you just can’t even comprehend it. Go back and listen to Ulysses, you freaks.”

And as he was sending this mental vibe out to us I was sending one back:

“Don, you’re fucking lucky even a couple thousand of us came out to hear you. I know you are rocking hard and I appreciate it but you’re lucky there is even one of me here. Be happy that anyone still thinks your relevant, dude! Just stop your snotty thoughts and sing Dream Warriors already!”

Anyhow, somewhere down the line Don and I sorted out our differences and we managed to open up the heavens that night and make an offering to the gods of heavy metal.

The lights went down on the stage and all the beer was drunk. We all wandered through the hard, desert earth on our way back to our pick ups and Mustangs as we pointed them down the highway while trying to get home without incident.

As I got home that night, I chugged two huge glasses of water and laid down in bed, wondering how long it would take before my ears stopped ringing... and how fucking hung over I’d be the next day.

So it goes.

-David

PS: Where has the time gone…? I’ll have to finish up with the Tom Waits concert later in Part 2. Stay tuned…

Forechecking

2008-05-11T18:34:00.000-06:00

I haven’t followed hockey for years now but I started watching the Penguins play again since the NHL playoffs started. I don’t know the players all that well but I have to say I am VERY impressed by the forechecking game of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

As good as the skilled players of the Stanley Cup Champion Penguins were (Lemuix, Rechi, Stevens, Jagr, Barraso, etc.) I still think what won those cups for us was forechecking. Without Phil Bourque, Troy Loney, and Bob Errey we would never have been able to put those back to back Cup runs together.

And once those guys were let go after those Cups the Pens could win no more.

Now, I look at a new team with players I’ve primarily never heard of before and I’m excited. I see no reason why this version of the Pittsburgh Penguins can’t win the Stanley Cup this year because they are forechecking very well. And forechecking wins championships as far as I’m concerned.

Let’s go Pens!!

-David

Steelers draft recap 2008

2008-04-27T15:42:00.002-06:00

Draft 2008 has come and gone for the Steelers (barring any strange 7th round trades as we technically have no picks left). Overall I like what we did this year although, as usual, it was not scripted exactly how I thought it would be.

In general, I think we gained momentum as the draft went and were in high gear through our first 4 picks. Then, with the 5th pick we kind of went sideways but were able to pull it back together to have a pretty good set of picks. But I get ahead of myself: first the picks and then some analysis.

RD PK(OVR) NAME POS SCHOOL
1 23(23) Rashard Mendenhall RB ILLINOIS
2 22(53) Limas Sweed WR TEXAS
3 25(88) Bruce Davis OLB UCLA
4 31(130) Tony Hills OT TEXAS
5 21(156) Dennis Dixon QB OREGON
6 22(188) Mike Humpal OLB IOWA
6 28(194) Ryan Mundy S WEST VIRGINIA

Even though some of my “draft needs” weren’t met, my premonition of us taking a running back in the first round came true. Upon reflection I’m okay with that. I said I wouldn’t be upset if we did I won’t be. When you think about it, even though we picked him as the 4th running back with the 23rd pick, he is probably the 2nd or 3rd best running back in the draft. How can you possibly argue that taking the 2nd best RB at pick 23 of the first round is a bad idea?

In keeping with their strategy to go with the best player they took Limas Sweed in the 2nd round. Even though I wanted Hardy he was long gone by this time. Actually I’m pretty surprised Sweed was still here and again, you can’t argue with going with him considering we’re down to 2 reliable WRs (Ward and Holmes) and a couple questionable ones (Washington and Reid). So even though I was still hoping for O Line or D Line with this pick it’s really hard to argue with what happened.

Same deal with pick #3. Sure, I would have preferred O/D Line. But if Linebacker Bruce Davis was really the best on the board compared to the O/D Line talent why not pick him? We are pretty thin at Outside Line Backer so we need one of those as well. NOTE: I guess he’s really a Defensive End but we’ll convert him to OLB.

After this point in the draft I started thinking, okay, we’re hitting the groove. Not only are we taking the best players available when we pick (like we promised we’d do) they are now also starting to line up with our needs. Then came the 4th pick and I was ECSTATIC that we picked on Offensive Tackle. YEAH we finally got an O Line guy!!! Maybe he won’t start (and maybe he won’t even make the squad), but at least we have a warm body in there that can challenge a roster spot.

Now I was really thinking that this could be the best draft of all time (well, maybe the best draft since the 70s anyway). Until the 5th pick. A quarterback. Better yet, a quarterback who blew out his knee already (or something like that). Do I like this pick? No. Am I mad for them making it? No. Listen, I know we need another QB on the roster at the very least to put on the practice squad. We only have 2 QBs with our back up getting older every year. So we inevitably have to pick up a young practice squad eligible QB at some point this offseason but you hate to use a 5th round pick on him. This is where I dreamt some guy walks off the street at training camp and the club goes, “wow, this guy looks promising, let’s sign him”. But, I’m sure he was the best on the board at the time so we took him. I really do wish we’d have ignored that strategy, though, for this round and picked a D Lineman.

In the 6th round we picked another linebacker. Again, no problem here. I’ve seen him listed as an inside and outside linebacker so I don’t know which he really is. But no matter, you will NEVER see me complain about picking a LB up in the 6th round. NEVER.

Finally we rounded it out buy using our 2nd 6th round pick which we aquired when we traded down in the 4th round. We used him on a safety (WVU represent!). I also have no problem with that. Ryan Clark may never come back from that spleen surgery. While I was WAY big on Anthony Smith at the beginning of last season he has shown us nothing that would now instill me with any confidence after his abysmal play in the 2nd half of the year when he took over as the starter. So how can you argue with taking a safety (especially one that apparently can play cornerback as well)? I can’t.

That said, we made it through a draft where I wanted 3 linemen (2 O and 1 D) and we only picked 1 Offensive Lineman. So how am I okay with this? I guess because I can’t argue with any of the selections as I go back and look at them. That and I guess that I missed one point this offseason that I didn’t think about until today. When Hartwig was signed to play center, we didn’t get rid of Mahan (who sucked as our center last season). Then I recalled that he also plays Guard (I think). That being the case, maybe we plan on using Mahan as a starting guard? Or maybe Stapleton or Caprizzi, our two young, developmental O-lineman are ready to take the next step this year? Who knows, maybe the Steelers front office see something that I can’t. Either way, with Mahan at guard and drafting a Tackle in the 4th round we might be okay. At least I sure hope so!!!

But what about the D line? We didn’t draft anybody? Who is going to step up if Smith, Hampton, or Kiesel goes down? Not Kirtchske or Eason (at least they didn’t last year). Is the young McBean ready to go this year? Who the hell else is there? I really think we are gambling with our D line this season and that makes me REALLY nervous. Winning starts with the defense as far as I’m concerned.

In summary, I do really like our draft this year. For sure our offense should be better because even if the line still sucks wind we can always line up 5 wide (Sweed, Parker, Mendehall/Miller, Ward, Holmes) and just 3 step drop everything!! Or maybe line up with 2 running backs (Parker/Mendenhall) in the old standard I formation and just keep ‘em guessing with some trick plays. But I tell you, I don’t see us being a run first team without someone stepping up on that O-Line and playing. And if we’re not a run first team I really don’t see us making it deep into the playoffs.

Just as the thought of being a pass first team scares me I’ll restate that our depth on D Line is frightening.

So these were my two main concerns going into the draft and still remain my two biggest concerns coming out. But we added some quality players and that can surely only help us. I guess we’ll see how it pans out this fall. Because regardless of how fun the offseason is the whole point of it is to still play the games to see who the best team is!

Do you think it’s too late to find someone willing to give us a D Lineman for Najah Davenport, Gary Russell, or Cary Davis?

-David

The ghost of Myron Cope

2008-04-23T22:46:00.000-06:00

Either today or yesterday I believe that I was visited by the ghost of Myron Cope. Maybe “visit” is the wrong word. Maybe I somehow fused with whatever is left of Myron’s earthly soul. It’s all a little strange to me but the experience left me with two distinct thoughts that I feel I must share with you on the eve of the eve of the eve of the 2008 NFL draft.

Thought #1: I get the distinct vibe that the Steelers really want to draft a running back in the first round. Don’t ask me why; ask Myron’s ghost who now possesses a portion of my mind because he seems to understand this more than I do. What I can comprehend is that I’m a little nervous about this. Surely I won’t be upset if we take a running back in the first round, especially if one of the top couple drops to us. But I don’t think I’ll be overly excited either because we have SO many urgent needs on both lines. So this Saturday, I’ll be watching each pick with bated breath to see if the top 3 (or 4) running backs go off the board before we pick. If they do not, it’ll be real interesting when we step up and hand the commish our card with the 23rd pick.

Thought #2: Steely McBeam pisses me off. It’s bad enough that we have a fucking mascot to begin with but when one of the guys who wears the stupid outfit got busted for DUI (a couple weeks/months back) he got fired. Now I know the Rooney’s don’t put up with that behavior (in fact I read the application to be Steely McBeam when they were searching and it clearly stated that you will be held to the same standards as the rest of the Steelers organization), but come the fuck on. If we were going to have a mascot he should absolutely be drunk. Constantly. He should also not be wearing a stupid costume. He should be walking around with no shirt on and a beer can in each hand. He should be fat. Not 400 pounds fat, but the kind of guy that has a HUGE beer gut and an otherwise just normally overweight rest of the body. And the only time he is not allowed to have a beer in each hand is when he has a kielbasa in one hand. He should also be a Pollock. He should be a big, fat, drunken, Pollock who is engaged in a constant state of devouring food and berating the other teams’ fans. Especially Browns and Bengals fans. And if he’s not that, I do not acknowledge him as the True Steelers Mascot. I renounce you Mr. McBeam! Go back to whence you came, you fucknut!

That said: Good luck to the Steelers personnel department this weekend. I am confident we will have a brilliant draft this year.

…as long as we don’t take a god damned wide receiver in the first round. And I had a vision of that too. For real. But that one scares me too much to talk about…

-David

Steelers draft needs

2008-04-06T08:57:00.001-06:00

With the draft a couple weeks away its time to prognosticate on what I think the Steelers should do. Over the years, I’ve realized that this is probably not what they will do, however, because the organization has proven in the past that they are disciples of the concept of taking the best value on the board when it comes to their pick. So they’ll take a player at a position they don’t technically have an immediate need for if he is in their mind the best player with the best value on the board.

Regardless, in the event Dan Rooney gives me a call at the last minute to join their draft team, I’ll get my needs list ready.

So here is my list of the most urgent needs that I think the Steelers should address in this year’s draft. I’ll list the needs in order from most urgent to least urgent. I’ll put seven needs on the list even though I think the Steelers may only have 6 picks this year.

1. Offensive Tackle / Guard
2. Offensive Guard / Tackle
3. Defensive End
4. Wide Receiver
5. Center
6. Corner Back
7. Defensive End / Linebacker

Going into the off season, my main concern was Center and I would have made that #1 on the list except we did end up signing Justin Hartwig. I’m still not convinced he is the answer (though to repeat a thought from last entry I do think he’ll be better than Mahan) but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt since the Steelers front office did. So I wouldn’t say center is now our most urgent need. BUT, I did still put a center in the 5th position because I’d like to have someone new in the hopper just in case Hartwig does bust out also.

That makes my new #1 concern the rest of our offensive line. I don’t really care if we go with a Tackle or a Guard. In general, it seems to me that tackles can switch to guard easier than guards can switch to tackles so that is why I technically listed a Tackle first even though we probably have a more pressing need at guard. If we can land a good Tackle with our first pick I think we should jump on it and then convert one of our existing Tackles to a Guard if need be. I just don’t want to stretch for a Guard if he his not there when our pick comes up.

That said, my #2 concern is the same thing. We are just too thin on the offensive line as far as depth goes. I fear last year also showed us that our backups are indeed backups (i.e., not ready to step up in a starting role). So similar to my thoughts on Center, we need to have some young, new guys in the hopper at ALL times. They don’t always pan out so we should get a large group of them over a couple years and hope at least one or two shake out as starters.

At #3 I go for a Defensive End. When Aaron Smith went down with an injury last year our Defensive Line fell apart completely. This is another example of our backups being backups because no one could get in there and do what Smith was doing. I really hope the rookie we drafted last year (McBean) is ready to step up and be our primary back up this year but citing another point from above just in case he’s not I think we need to get someone else in the hopper. In this case, I must say I wouldn’t be too upset if these Steelers drafted a Defensive End in the second round or MAYBE even in the first round as long as they use one to two of their other first three picks on the O-Line. Most people seem to think the Steelers will go with O-line with their first pick but I’ve read a number of things that could indicate that they will indeed go D-Line instead. Remember: they will draft for value with that first pick so if they think a D-Line is the best value for the talent on the board they will absolutely take him over an O-Line. So we’ll see.

Let’s give Big Ben his tall wide receiver with #4. I think Ben was a bit out of line with his off season comment that he wanted the Steelers to add a tall wide receiver and I think Hines Ward was right to be offended as it suggested he wasn’t good enough because he is short. That said, I see Ben’s point (I just wish he would have kept it between him and Kevin Colbert). As you may remember, I am NEVER in favor of drafting a WR in the first round, but by the 4th round I’m okay with taking one as long as we get a tall one. I love Hines and I really like Santonio but neither of them will ever create a height mismatch with a DB. Nate Washington is a little taller and yet again he showed flashes of coming into his own last season but I’m all but giving up on him. Every year he shows us a little bit of what he can be and then he always fades back into mediocrity. So let’s take a shot at a tall WR and see what we get.

Per my initial comment I go with a Center at #5. Until one of these guys we have shows us he can actually exist in the same room as Mike Webster’s, Dermonti Dawson’s, and Jeff Harting’s jocks, I’m going to call for drafting Centers. I don’t even need them to hold their jocks… just exist in the same room as them for Christ’s sake. They can grow into greatness if they can just find the right starting point.

At #6 I’d go with a Corner Back. It’s been a long time since the Steelers have had a really dominant Corner Back and since we don’t chase shut down free agents it will probably be a long time until we have another. That said, it’s always good to keep a stable of Corner Backs around. This is another position where we just have to keep putting guys in the hopper and hope one of them shakes out.

Finally, I think our #7 need is someone in the front 7 on defense. Whether that is another Defensive End or a Linebacker I’ll leave that up to the best value on the board at the time. But I do think we need to make sure we have enough development depth in our front 7 at all times. With Haggans gone it looks like Woodley will step up into the starting role but we may want to plug someone in to replace Woodley on the up and coming list.

That’s my assessment anyway. I’m not going to get too bent out of shape this year at the order the Steelers draft in as long as they address most of these needs. My one request is that they MUST draft at least one Offensive Lineman with the ability to start next season. I don’t think we should assume our O-Line is ready to go with the people we already have on the roster. Therefore I would ASSUME they would want to take an O-Line guy very early in the draft.

But we shall see. And at the risk of sounding redundant year to year, let me leave you with my annual pre-draft prayer:

Dear Lord, please do not let us draft a WR in the first round.

-David

Free Agency 2008

2008-03-17T15:12:00.002-06:00

NFL free agency in 2008 started off like a rocket. There were a ton of big signings and also even bigger trades. I took some notes after the first couple days but never found the time to write about them. So without further delay, let’s get to this overdue analysis.

Starting with the greatest team in the league:

Pittsburgh Steelers: Obviously we lost Alan Faneca which we all saw coming. The Jets overpaid for him (but more on that when I talk about the Jets). Our other two losses were Jermaine Tuman to the Cardinals and Allen Rossum to the 49ers. Neither will really hurt the team and actually Rossum leaving will help the team because he sucked the biggest balls on Earth last year in his role as a return man.

Speaking of return men, our first signing right out of the chute was Mewelde Moore, former college stud turned Pro “blah” for the Minnesota Vikings. We picked him up as a return man and I suppose a potential 3rd down “pass catching” back. I love this signing. First, we desperately need a return man and he can’t be worse than what we’ve had for the last couple years. He just CAN’T be any worse. Next, he’s also a running back. While I don’t think we need another running back, it surely doesn’t hurt. Shit, who knows, he may return to his former college greatness and we may have a real steal on our hands. We also signed Kenyaron Fox as a back up linebacker and special teams player. I don’t really know him (came from KC, I think) but we can always use line backers and special teams players so it seems to make sense. I’m a little nervous that we have not signed any offensive linemen. I guess we’re going to just roll the dice that we can draft someone with immediate impact. Cross your fingers on that one. I saw that center Justin Hartwig (released from the Panthers) was in for an interview in the last couple days but I’m not too thrilled to sign him. The Panthers had a pretty stinky O-line last year also so while it probably wouldn’t be hard to be better than Mahan, I’m not sure this guy is the answer. I’m optimistic with the first two college prospects we brought in for interviews: 2 Defensive Ends. Lord knows we need at least one more “good” to “very good” defensive end after the Aaron Smith injury debacle last season. The line just sucked wind without Smith. While I still want an O-Line guy with our first two picks, you won’t see me bitching about taking a D-Line guy. Finally, I would be remiss not to mention that Big Ben will be pulling in a shitload of money for the next (8?) seasons. I can’t remember how much the contract was but I recall it averaged just under $13M per season and it was over $100M lifetime. He wasn’t a free agent and thank the gods of football that he won’t be anytime soon. Now we just need to pull in another Lombardi Trophy to make that investment worthwhile.

While the Steelers are never very active in free agency, the rest of the league surely was. Here are some random thoughts on other teams:

NY Jets: They win the “Dan Snyder” award for spending a shit load of money during free agency. They pulled in a lot of high priced talent on the O-Line (Faneca and Woody) and then turned around and gave Calvin Pace a massive contract to play linebacker. Now I think these are some good guys but I’m not sure any of them deserve the money they got. So the Jets front office is going to end up looking either very silly or very smart depending on how much gas is left in these tanks. They also pulled in Jesse Chatman from Miami which is a move I really like for them. They now have 3 backs (Jones, Washington, and Chatman) that could carry the load if they needed. They also picked up Tony Richardson to help that O-Line and RBs. If this fullback is still even a glimpse of his former self this Jets offense should be very strong with the run this year which will set up their passing game to… fail, I suppose since the one acquisition they didn’t spend a ton of money on was a QB. Will it be Pennington? Sloth Clemmons? Or a TBD draft pick? God only knows and God save the Jets. Between these two I guess I draft a QB of the future and start Clemmons again. So while I think the Jets are vastly improved they still won’t make it deep into the playoffs without fixing their QB problem. What a shame to waste a potentially good running game…

Tennessee Titans: I really like the pick up of Alge Crumpler. Sure, he may be all gimped up and never play well again, but if he is okay he’ll really help Vince Young by being the big safety valve that makes Phillip Rivers look like a good quarterback (I’m speaking of Antonio Gates, of course). I also like the pick up of Jake Scott from Indy. Bringing The Freak back (Javon Kearse) and Justin McCareins strikes me more as desperate as anything else.

Atlanta Falcons: I guess we finally know when Jerious Norwood will start for the Falcons now that Warrick Dunn is gone. NEVER! I would not have picked the Falcons to win the Michael Turner sweepstakes. In fact, they wouldn’t even have made the top 20 teams I would have thought would be going after him. I have to say that I question this move from the perspective of Turner. Spend the money wisely because you are going to lose for many seasons to come. This team is in a major rebuilding mode and it will be years before they get good enough to utilize your talents. In the meantime, prepare to run against 11 guys in the box for all 4 downs every series and prepare to be crippled in two years. I mean these fuckers re-signed Joey Harrington after releasing him a few weeks earlier for Christ’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, I’m okay with the Falcons re-building (I mean, the list of veterans they dumped this year is far too long to go into) but I wouldn’t have picked Michael Turner as the first piece of that puzzle. I guess I’m a fan of building from the inside out and that means starting with the lines, then a QB, and then a RB. But we’ll see.

Cleveland Browns: By far the winners of free agency by my calculations. I’m usually not a fan of selling draft picks to fill holes, but by sacrificing the first 3 picks of the 2008 draft they REALLY picked up some good talent (including Brady Quinn from last year’s draft for this year’s first round pick). First, they re-sign Anderson. I wouldn’t have done the deal quite that long (3 years, I think), but okay, it works. Then they pick up Shaun Rogers and Corey Williams to help the D line, their biggest weakness in 2007. They also manage to score Donte Stallworth and while he has never really panned out in his career he can only help their talented offense. Speaking of offense, don’t forget they re-signed Jamal Lewis and there is no reason to think he can’t repeat the stellar year he had in 2007. Finally, the brought in center Rex Hadnot which is who I wanted the Steelers to make a play for. This just goes to show you that the Browns are evil motherfuckers, as usual. The only problem I have with what the Browns have done is letting Leigh Bodden go in the Williams trade. I’m told he didn’t have a good 2007 season but he played very well in the games I saw him play and I would say he was their best DB. So I’m a little suspicious of their defensive backfield. They say a strong front 7 will cover up for a weak defensive backfield and you can’t argue their front 7 got better. So we’ll see how much they miss Bodden. I almost forgot! They also lost DB Richard Colclough which will be another big boost to the defense since he is a worthless fuck.

New England: Where did Richard “King of the Special Teams Fumbles” Colclough end up? None other than with the devil himself. Seems like a good fit to me because now they can all rot together in hell. New England’s defense took some serious hits this off-season. First, adding Colclough automatically makes them worse. In addition, they lost Asante Samuels and Randall Gay. So basically they have ZERO good defensive backs at this point? I mentioned that they say a good front seven will cover up for bad DBs, but were they talking about a front seven that are now able to get AARP cards (Junior Seau and Teddy Bruschi). This defense is fresh out of magic and they are going to suck next year. Good. Fuck those fucking twats and the coach they rode in on. This will be a train wreck that I really enjoy watching.

San Francisco 49ers. The only reason I didn’t already pick the Falcons to be the worst team in the NFL next season is because of the 49ers. Needless to say, these idiots picked up the oldest possible players at every position (I’m guessing) when they signed Isaac Bruce, DeShaun Foster, and shitbag Allen Rossum. Good fucking luck with those has beens. I gather they are looking for some leadership in their locker room or else they have just completely gone insane. I read today that they let D-Jax go which is hysterical since when they traded for him last year I thought they were stupid. At least they didn’t repeat their stupid error by playing him again. This team is in serious trouble.

But I’ll cap it off there. I could probably go on all day if I went through every team’s moves so I’ll leave it just to the ones that stood out to me.

We’re about 1 month from the NFL draft which is the Superbowl of the off-season so get your popcorn ready!

-David

Danzig = Insanity

2008-02-24T07:57:00.001-07:00

Last weekend the local crew got together and went to the Los Lobos show. The concert itself was really very good and one of the highlights was when one of the lead Lobos (the one that wears the dark Ray Bans all the time) came into the bar we were drinking at before the show and sang with one of the local mini-mariachi groups that walk around to the different Downtown bars and restaurants and sing for the guests. And it was in that very same bar, after the show, that my life took an unexpected turn.

It started out with a seemingly innocent comment made by my buddy Jack. He stated something to the effect that Danzig was the lead singer of The Cult. My wife, being a closet Cult fan, quickly chastised Jack. At first, I thought we were going to get a challenge and then at least a bet out of the disagreement (if not a knife fight, a pistol duel, or some such act in the name of defending honor). But in the drunken disarray the conversation thread meandered on in a different direction.

Later than night as the clock wound around the wee hours of the morning, my wife and I were driving home and jamming to some tunes when she said, “Hey, it’s Danzig!” I listened and then said something to the effect of, “I hate Danzig” or “Danzig is a douchebag”. She then got quite angry with me because it wasn’t actually Danzig at all: it was The Cult and she was just making a joke.

As the following week progressed, I ended up hearing two additional Cult songs on the radio and I must say: the lead singer really does sound like Glen Danzig! I can certainly understand why Jack would have got them confused.

But that’s not the point of the story, and neither is this:

About 12 years ago or so, probably in the year 1995, I was having a little party with some of my friends in my little apartment in Niles, Ohio. My buddy Rick was there with what I think was his new girlfriend or maybe his new wife (most of the night is now a vague fog to me). Some how the topic of conversation turned to Danzig and I stated how I thought he was a tool or some such insult. Rick’s lady friend took great offense to my comment. She was a music minor in college (playing the trumpet? Flute? No I think trumpet) and went on to explain that Danzig was actually a good musician and can play a bunch of different instruments.
After listening to her argument I made a statement to the effect of, “I think he’s a fucking twat”. She got visibly pissed at that point and I don’t recall us speaking the rest of the night. You’ve got to love beer.

But that’s not the point of the story, this is:

For the last couple weeks I’ve developed a hypothesis that either my buddy Bud or I am going crazy. There have been quite a few clues to support this idea but I won’t bore you with the details especially since there is at least a 50% chance that I’m the one that is insane so these clues would probably sound like the ramblings of a lunatic anyhow.

Now, more so than ever, I fear that it is I who has gone off the mental deep end, leaving Bud relatively sane I suppose. Not necessarily normal for sure, but sane.

You see, Random Acts of Danzig (or RAD) don’t happen to sane people. If the normal human lifespan is something like 75 years, you should really never have a RAD. And if you were to be one of the statistically unlucky ones to have one it should be limited to one and only one.

Random Acts of KISS are fine as are Random Acts of Deep Purple because these bands have a deep body of work that is relatively well known. Statistically speaking they have left their mark upon our society to the point that they will enter your lives at certain times whether you listen to them or not. It is inevitable and cannot be avoided.

But Random Acts of Danzig? Come on, Danzig is a jag-off and he only really had one song that could remotely be called a hit (Mother) and it still sucked balls. The vast majority of people will sail through life without even realizing an abomination like Danzig even exists.

So why am I experiencing two RADs in 12 years? I fear it is because the fabric of my mind is starting to unravel. My soul has now tapped into a dark place where all the horrors of our collective lives are stored. Soon, the un-harnessed power of my mind will cross time and space and come into direct contact with Those Whose Names Must Not Be Mentioned and the super freaky shit will really hit the fan.

Let’s face it: my shit is doomed. My advice to you is grab your popcorn and watch the final acts of this show play out as I sink into immeasurable madness. And if you see me running around in my underwear, waving a gun, and screaming about the darkness on the edge of the shadows of my vision, I recommend you turn around and run the other way. Fast.

-David

I guess I'm just and old man

2008-02-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

I really want to buy Mojo Nixon’s “Bo-Day-Shus” album. The problem is that I think it is out of print. I was online a couple days ago to look at my options and I don’t really care for either of them.

Option #1 is to buy a used copy for $30 on CD. I don’t care for this option because I just don’t like paying over MSRP for music. It’s not like the artist is making all that extra profit. It’s just some dipshit that doesn’t realize he should be rocking out to his CDs rather than selling them.

Option #2 is to buy the whole album as an .mp3 download. I certainly cannot argue with the price at only $8. The other benefit is that I listen to my music collection about 99% of the time in the form of .mp3s anyway. I rip all my CDs to my computer and use that or my .mp3 player to play the songs.

But while Option #2 is convenient, I struggle with making the transaction. There is something about not physically possessing the CD that disturbs me. Why is that?

As I analyzed my fear of buying an album on .mp3 my first thought went to the CD packaging. I wouldn’t get the album cover. Nor would I get the liner notes and possibly the lyrics. I also wouldn’t get the satisfaction of sliding it into the CD rack with all its brothers and sisters that form the intimidating wall of rock in my living room.

But are any of those reason’s really good enough to pay $30 for a used CD when I could just spend $8 for the download?

Probably not.

What we have here is a case of me being an old man. I suspect that I’m going through the same moral dilemma the last generation went through when they were horrified to realize that some new releases would not come out on vinyl and they would have to buy it on CD. I think I’m just clinging to the old technology because that is what I’m familiar with and therefore it is very comfortable.

Because in the end, come on, am I ever going to actually play the physical CD once I rip it to .mp3? Am I ever going to look at the pictures more than once or refer to the liner notes when my first instinct when researching a band is the internet?

So why can’t I just push the button and buy the .mp3 album?

This is the part of getting old I don’t like. I can live with taking 4 or 5 times as long to recover from a hard night of drinking. I can take waking up every night to take a piss and then dribbling it everywhere because my urethra is played out. I can live with a metabolism that has all but ground to a complete halt. But I can’t handle the irrational notion that what I had in my past was the best just because it was from the “good old days”.

Alas, even though I see that is what’s happening it is still very hard to overcome. What a powerful force the “good old days” are. And if I can’t break out of this funk, I may as well just give in and start eating peanut brittle and watching re-runs of the Lawrence Welk show.

So I ask you to wish me luck, because there is only so long a sane man can go without listening to “Gin Guzzlin’ Frenzy”. Something will have to come to a head sooner rather than later.

The clock is ticking,
-David

Can I really not watch the Superbowl?

2008-01-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

My post season record is shot. I think it is 4-6 or something like that. Thank the heavens that I will not fall to 4-7. That is not because I will pick the winner of Superbowl XLII correctly. That’s because I refuse to pick a winner.

What a moral dilemma this Superbowl presents to me: On one side we have the team I hate the most in the NFL at the moment: The New England Patriots. On the other side we have Eli Manning and Plaxico Burress. We have a team from New York. What possible good outcome could there be if either team wins?

None.

Either team winning brings its own version of hell to me. If ever there was a sign of the apocalypse it would probably be Tom Brady lifting his 4th Lombardi trophy or Eli Manning lifting his first. Both might bet the anti-christ, by the way.

On second thought, neither of them are the anti-christ because he is supposed to be charismatic. Eli Manning is far too simple minded to be charismatic and Tom Brady is just a flaming asshole / dickhead. The only reason most of you can’t see it is because the Patriots organization know this and therefore limit his public speaking so it does not interrupt the heavy earth moving equipment that maneuvers Robert Kraft’s money from Gillette Stadium to his bank.

I really could care less who wins this game. I would say that I’m not going to watch it but I really don’t think I can control myself. Even though there is a 99% chance I’ll be miserable at the end of the game what if this is the game where someone breaks Brady’s arm? Or maybe Teddy Bruschi will have another stroke right in the middle of the field and his head will explode throwing skull shrapnel into Junior Seau’s eyeball. Or what if giant, man eating scorpions descend into Phoenix and devour both teams? I just can’t risk not witnessing those possibilities. That would be a win for me.

This game actually reminds of the last time the New York Giants made it to the Superbowl. It was 2000 or 2001 and it was the Giants vs the Ravens. Strangely enough it was also the last Superbowl where I didn’t feel strongly about one team winning. That Superbowl had every sign of being a snooze fest and didn’t disappoint when Baltimore finally beat the inept Giants without even scoring an offensive touchdown if memory serves. That was probably one of the most irrelevant Superbowls in history. For fuck’s sake I think the QBs were Trent Dilfer vs Kerry Collins. Can it get more irrelevant than that? Superbowl XLII will probably take it’s place in history right next to that abomination. That is a testament to how boring the Giants are and how much I really just hate thinking about the Patriots.

Fuck this game. Fuck those teams. A pox on their families for all time. And if there is a hell, it can’t be any worse than what I’ll most likely be watching on February 3rd, 2008.

The off season can’t come too soon.

-David

Why ruin a perfect .500 post season?

2008-01-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

For two post seasons in a row I can’t seem to move the needle off .500 with my predictions. Again, that’s why I never bet on football.

As I consider the games this weekend, before I can think about who’ll win I need to consider who has a chance to beat the Patriots. As the weeks continue to roll on, my hatred for the Patriots mounts to an almost unbearable level. If someone doesn’t knock these fuckers out of the playoffs I’m just going to have to lock myself in a room for 2 or 3 days and cry. Oh how I hate Tom Brady and Bill Belifuck.

Strangely enough, I think all 3 teams remaining that could face them could beat them. The key is their defense. The Giants, Packers, and Chargers all have a physical defense that can put pressure on a quarterback. Let’s face it, no one is going to shut down the Patriots offense but I think any of those teams could hold them to between 20 and 30 points. So then you consider: which offense can score 30+ points?

Scoring 30+ points on the New England defense isn’t actually the problem since their defense isn’t really all that great. It’s above average, but it’s old and it is easily the worse defense of the 4 teams remaining. The problem is most of the teams left have an anemic offense.

We can rule out the Giants right now. There is no way they are going to run up a score on the Patriots. Eli will come back down to earth and this team will struggle. So that’s a big NO for NY.

The Chargers could do it... Especially if they field a healthy team (more on this later). But I’d say if you let them play 5 games and went for the majority most of the time San Diego would probably come up short. I just don’t see them being able to consistently come out there and run up the score if you can take LT out of the equation. I trust Rivers only a tiny bit more than Eli. But luckily they only pay one game, not five. So we’ll give the Chargers a maybe.

Green Bay can easily score 30+ points against New England. Hell, they could score 40+ points on them. This is a definite yes.

If Green Bay’s defense plays like they did in the first half of the year (or the way they did against Seattle last week), this team beasts the Patriots. If the Charger’s defense plays at top level and their offense plays at tippy top level they could beat the Patriots. If Randy Moss gets put in jail and the devil finally comes to collect Tom Brady’s soul, the Giants could possibly beat the Patriots. Ah, who am I kidding, they still couldn’t do it. They’ll implode long before then. Eli Manning sucks big balls.

On to this week’s predictions:

In case you haven’t noticed I’m not real big on New York. I know you’re not supposed to look past a game but I think it’s safe for Green Bay to start considering New England. This won’t even be a game. The Giants offense won’t score more than 10 points against the Packers. I’m thinking something like 52-17 Packers.

The AFC Championship game intrigues me. In the end, the Patriots will probably roll pretty handily over the Chargers. But as I stated above, the Chargers can do it. I know Rivers, Tomlinson, and Gates are all injured, but that isn’t the end of the world. Well, if Gates can play it’s not the end of the world, anyway. He can’t be replaced. But since he played last week I would think he’ll play this week and hopefully be effective this time given one more week to heal. The good news for the Chargers is that they have two of the most capable back ups in the league with Billy Volek and Michael Turner. In fact, Turner is hands down the best back up running back in the league (in my book). And in case you forget remember what Volek did with the Titan’s a few years ago at the end of the season. Those 4,321 touchdowns passes from Volek to Drew Bennet in the span of 3 games still haunts me (they were not on my fantasy team).

This game all comes down to Norv Turner. Will he trust that his TEAM can win a game? By that I mean he needs to field his healthy players and give them a chance to win. If Rivers is too injured, don’t play him just because he’s your #1 QB. Play Volek. Same with LT. If he is not 85% or higher, play Turner. Don’t handicap the rest of your team by playing a lame duck when the back ups are this good. I don’t think New England’s defense is all that, but even 100 year old Junior Seau can run down a guy that’s limping.

So please, Norv, remember it’s a team sport and put the guys on the field that can give your team a chance to win. Don’t look past the talent of your back ups and play your injured starters because you think they are the only guys who can do it. Play your healthy players. That’s why you have a bench. You do that, you can win.

So for shits and giggles, I’m picking the Chargers this week. How about 27-24?

Hell, why ruin a perfect .500 post season?

-David

Cowher to Washington?

2008-01-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

Well the Steelers bowed out of the playoffs more gracefully than I expected. In the days leading up to the game I had them as losing by 21 points. On the day of the game I softened up a bit and called them losing by 14 points. So I consider a defeat by 2 points to be a small victory.

Let’s just hope Tomlin learns from his mistakes in that game, we have a good draft with nothing but offensive lineman, and we hire a circus freak as a second kicker who can kick a ball 200 yards out the back of any endzone. If we can do that, we can win next year.

That game was damn near the only one I picked correctly last week. I took Washington (lost), Jacksonville (won), Tampa Bay (lost), and San Diego (won). So I’m sitting at 2-2. I’d have to go back and check but I think I pretty much ended up at .500 last post season so I can see my trend continues.

For the record I think New England and Indy win this weekend as well as Dallas and Green Bay.

I think Indy wins the AFC and Dallas wins the NFC.

I think Indy takes it all and makes it 2 in a row.

But now I turn my attention from the active game to the offseason – the game within the game. The first few coaching vacancies (Atlanta, Miami, and Baltimore) didn’t interest me much. Who really cares who fills in for those shitball teams? But when Joe Gibbs stepped down my Bill Cowher radar went off. I think I’ve said it here in the past but I expect Bill to go to an owner with very deep pockets when he goes back to coaching. That narrows it down to Jerry Jones in Dallas, Daniel Snyder in Washington, and Randy Lerner in Cleveland. That’s why I was so big on Jones using Wade Phillips as a pawn (until Wade fucked up his master plan by having the best team in the NFC!).

I also think Cowher would be smart to come back in the NFC and I think he knows that. The NFC is still pretty weak compared to the AFC and if a team was to institute some hard core, smash mouth football featuring a punishing running game they could cut through the NFC like a hot knife through warm butter. That’s Bill Cowher football right there.

So now I focus on Washington: Daniel Snyder has more money than god and can afford to give Cowher $6+ million a year. He also has a terrific running back tandem in Clinton Portis and Ladell Betts. Cowher could take this team and turn them into a powerhouse.

Therefore even though he gave Arthur Blank that bullshit line about staying out of coaching for another year, don’t be surprised if Cowher is the Redskins head coach in 2008. In fact if you want to make a bet on it, give me a call.

-David

Assessing the Steelers

2007-12-21T21:07:00.001-07:00

The horrid play of the Steelers since the Jet’s game has been as disturbing to me as it has to any Steelers fan. Last night, in a victory against he Rams, we may have finally seen a few glimmering ounces of hope.

The Steelers have some very obvious weak points this year. The most obvious is special teams. The coverage team is just as bad as it was last year if not worse. We seem to be completely incapable of tackling people and in the case of Anthony Smith incapable of even making a move to tackle someone as last night he recreated the role of running 5 yards in front of the return man until either someone else tackled him or he scored a touchdown (as the case of Joshua Cribbs in the Cleveland game). I can’t for the life of me understand what Anthony is waiting for... but I digress. Every facet of our special teams sucks except the actual act of punting and kicking. Rossum is FUCKING PATHETIC as a return man and I can only hope he gets injured so we can have a hope of a decent return sometime soon.

The next obvious problem is the offensive line. They are a shadow of what they once were. Everyone understands how bad they are in pass protection as is proven by the record setting pace Big Ben is getting sacked this year. But they are also awful in setting up the run as Willie Parker has been getting hit in the backfield time and time again this year. And it’s not because he’s pussy footing around looking for a hole – he is getting drilled within seconds of touching the ball as he’s running in a straight line towards what is supposed to be a hole. People bitch and whine that we should have resigned Alan Faneca but maybe these people don’t see that he is part of the problem on the line this year. I wouldn’t pay more than a little above league average to sign him (which he isn’t willing to take) so I say, “good riddance, Alan, you played your ass off for us and I love you for it but you’re losing a step and you’re not worth the money you’re asking”.

The third problem was wide receivers. Behind Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes we didn’t really have any reliable threats. This became painfully obvious when both Ward and Holmes went down with injuries at different points of the season. I say “was” because in the last two games Nate Washington decided he wouldn’t drop every other ball that was thrown to him so maybe he’s actually on the verge of living up to his potential. But even then, we would only have 3 receivers which is at least one too short.

Even with those problems, we managed to start the season at 9-3. We had overcome a lot of adversity. The reason: Defense and Big Ben. Those were the rocks in our season that were unwavering.

But then came the New England and Jacksonville game which took the air out of the defense. Instead of the defense that led the league in points allowed, passing, and rushing allowed for most of the season, we saw a full time version of the defense that allowed Denver to win that debacle earlier in the season… and we saw them for 60 full minutes a game. Every god damned drive.

The defense played horribly against New England and Jacksonville. The secondary was pathetic (especially Anthony Smith at safety). We couldn’t stop the run either. The linebackers were inept because not only could they not stop the run they could not solve the problem of pressuring the quarterback which was a trend that started even earlier. It was so bad that an idiot like me watching at home could tell what the offense was about to do prior to the snap - but our own defense couldn’t. They were getting outplayed and outthought. It was a disgrace.

So what happened? How can a defense go from best in the league to basically worst in the league? Well surely losing Aaron Smith was part of the problem as he is arguably one of the best Defensive Ends in the league. But that can’t make an entire defense fall apart. Unfortunately beyond that I honestly don’t know what happened. I can’t figure it out. It really put me in a panic.

The good news is that even though we saw the shitty defense start the game yesterday we did see glimpses of the #1 defense at times. They are still there. Why they can’t come out and play 60 minutes is beyond me. But the fact that they are still there somewhere gives me hope that they can turn it back on.

Finally to Ben: He has been the sole bright spot in the Steelers season this year. He has played incredibly and he still seems to be getting better and better. If not for him we would be in much worse shape. And because of him, as bad as we can play there is always a hope of winning because of him.

That’s why the injury that scared me the most yesterday was not Willie Parker. It was when Ben went down funny on his knee and was in some obvious pain. If we lose Ben, I don’t think we can hold it together this year. I love Charlie Batch, but the team is playing so poorly right now that we need a guy that can carry the whole team on his shoulders. I don’t think Charlie is that guy. He can win a game or two or even three when the whole team is firing. But with the weight of the world on the QBs shoulder’s the only man that can make it out alive is Ben.

Strangely enough Willie’s broken leg wasn’t even the second scariest injury to me. That honor went to Najah Davenport when he tweaked an ankle. Why? Because as much as I love Willie Parker I’m still a sucker for the big running back. When Najah came in the game he was unstoppable. Was that because the Rams defense is total shit? Was that because the offensive line is better equipped to block a true power running (up the middle) game? Or was that because Najah is just a big fucking brute?

I don’t want to see Willie out for the season but I have to say I actually like our chances in the playoffs this year a little better with Najah leading the way than with Willie. This is counter to what all sportswriters will be talking about in the next week so feel free to call me crazy. But, when the Steelers ground game comes back to life in the next couple weeks and we start completely dominating on offense remember where you heard it first.

They say, “Oh, with Fast Willie gone the play action will be gone and Ben will have to throw the deep ball and he’ll therefore get dumped on his ass because the offensive line can’t protect him that long.” To that I say, “You don’t have to fuck with the play action when 8 men in the box can’t stop the bruising power of the Big Back.” Once we starting tearing off 5 yards per carry out of the good old fashioned I formation, defenses are going to have to stand up and take notice. And that will clear the path for Ben to throw deep.

Trust me on this. And Bruce Arians… if you’re listening. It’s called the I-formation. Look back on any Steelers game from 1993 to last year and you’ll see what I’m talking about. It will work with Najah.

In summary, last week (after the Jacksonville loss) I predicted the Steelers would lose in the first round of the playoffs (if they even made it to the playoffs). Now, with Najah leading the running game and a little faith that the defense can un-fuck themselves I’m willing to say we make it into the second round of the playoffs.

Hey, it’s not the superbowl, but its one game closer.

That said, the special teams and offensive line still suck balls and we need to address that shit in the off season. Fixing those two holes will get us back up to championship speed.

So here’s to the Browns getting their asses kicked this weekend and the Steelers destroying the Ravens in Baltimore next week. Because as much as I’m down on my team sometimes, I’m still a fan and therefore always have hope.

-David

PS: Willie Parker said a few weeks ago that he wished the Steelers would get artificial turf so he could run better (than he can in the current muck of Heinz field). I wonder if he still feels that way as he sits in a cast that he got as a result of a broken leg caused by artificial turf?

Fuck artificial turf. Keep Heinz field grass.

It's alive!

2007-12-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

As usual, fall is busy. Sorry I have not been able to write too much during these turbulent times. Fantasy football was a nightmare this year almost on the scale of the hellish turn the Steelers season as taken. But in a few short weeks all these bad football dreams will end as the 2007 season does. We can go into the great cleansing that is the off season and dream again of Championships and moonshine.

And we can start writing anew now that our brains are not poisoned and our soul is not stolen from us in the night.

So welcome back to reality. Many thoughts have been running through my head and it’s time to sort it all out again.

-David

Fuck sportswriters

2007-10-27T10:32:00.000-06:00

At least once a season, I have to step back and marvel at how dumb most sportswriters are. I don’t know why I never learn my lesson and think that they can understand what they see because it happens EVERY fucking year. So welcome to the 2007 NFL season because a giant cloud of stupid ness descended down upon sportswriters everywhere after the 31-28 Steelers loss last Sunday night.

I’m sure they watched at least the first half of the game because they had no problem at all pointing out that the Steelers came out passing and made some mistakes that let Denver get up on them. But I wonder if they all went to bed at half time and missed the real reason we lost?

In case you don’t know, popular opinion among the “experts” is that Pittsburgh lost the game because we came out passing against a defense that was last place against the run. Most thought that if we ran it we would just pound it down their throats and easily win the game. So the mistakes in execution of the already ill planned passing game led to turnovers which put us down and forced us to keep passing and we were not playing Steelers football and blah, blah, blah.

Maybe these guys were too busy jotting notes down about how Tomlin fucked this one up with his game plan or tallying turnovers to notice that our defense couldn’t stop anything Denver was doing. Maybe they don’t understand that turnovers aren’t the end of the world if you treat it like a challenge and come up big on defense, holding the offense scoreless as a result.

And maybe they missed the entire second half of the game. The part where the Steelers offense came back and just scored touchdowns like they were cashing paychecks. You know the part: the one where every other time we scored, our defense allowed Denver to come right back and score.

With 1:09 left on the clock, the Steelers scored the game tying touchdown on another great drive by Ben Roethlisberger. All we had to do was keep Denver on their side of the 50 yard line and we could go to OT and stomp those fuckers. But yet again, the defense let them walk right up the field and hammer home the kill shot in the form of a Jason Elam field goal. Game over. 31-28.

The Steelers defense allowed 24 points in that game. I’m sorry but that is not acceptable by the standards we hold true for a Steelers defense. If you consider the offense scored 21 points (I’ll deduct 7 from their total since they allowed a score) you need to assume the defense can hold an opponent to under that total. A true Steelers D should not be allowing 20+ points in any game. These so called sportswriters that claimed we didn’t play Steelers football because we didn’t come out running seemed to forget that even more than a running game Steelers football is about defense. And they dropped the ball in this game. That’s what lost it for us.

Yeah, I know it’s hard to play in Mile High Stadium. Yeah, I know it’s hard when one of the best defensive ends in football is injured at the beginning of the game. So I’m willing to forgive them as long as they come out this weekend, stick it to the Bungles, and show that it was just a momentary lapse. My point is not to crucify the defense. My point is to illustrate how poorly these professionals broke down the root cause of the loss.

It just wasn’t the national bozos either. The local Pittsburgh articles I read seemed to be fueled by the same Kool Aid guzzling. That’s even more pathetic because at least those guys should get it right since it is their full time job to cover the Steelers. I’m looking at you, Ed Bouchette, you fucking hack.

Seems to me the real motive here was to try to take Mike Tomlin down a notch. He was doing so well in his first season that I have to think people were just waiting to show that he’s not perfect. It’s his fault because he got too cute and didn’t just stick to basic Steelers football and take advantage of our great running game and their awful running defense, blah, blah, blah. The most hysterical part of all this is that if we would have won the game in a convincing manner (which we easily could have with that exact game plan), everyone would have called him a genius for coming out there and going against the grain.

I guess only Mr. Genius, Bill Belicheck* is allowed to game plan in the NFL these days. Every other coach is just a fucking idiot.

So sportswriters everywhere (except the 20% of you that are good – Jeffri Chadiha I’m looking at you now), please pull The New England Patriots’ cock out of your mouth long enough to watch the whole game next time.

-David

* I don’t even respect this fucktard enough to spell check his stupid name.

Don't report this, Agents of Fortune!

2007-08-28T23:49:00.000-06:00

As predicted, the El Paso Custom Car and Chopper Festival unfolded into a night to remember. The plan was to meet up with my friends Jack, Mike, and some of their friends at our favorite downtown watering hole, La Nortena at 7 pm. From there, properly lubricated, we’d head over to the street festival to enjoy Mini-Kiss and BOC.

Early the day of the show, Jack called me and said the rendezvous time had been moved up to 6 pm. No problem. I called Mike and informed him of the change. He said he worked until 6 but not to worry as he’d take off a few minutes early. The new plan was for Mike and me to meet at a parking lot downtown and then head over to meet Jack at the bar.

Soon it was time to head downtown so I bid my family farewell and rolled my black S-10 south. I got to the parking lot where Mike was supposed to meet me at 6 pm on the nuts. Maybe 2 minutes after I shut off the truck, Jack showed up as well. He had decided to meet up with us there. We stood outside my truck, in the incredibly hot El Paso evening until about 6:10 pm. By that point, I was completely dehydrated and urgently needed a cold beer. So I called Mike’s cell and told him to meet us at Chama’s, a bar right across from the parking lot.

Jack and I went into the bar and ordered a couple beers. For the hundredth time I began to explain to Jack that he shouldn’t be a Dallas Cowboy’s fan because they are a bunch of fucking douchebag dildos. Alas, this time he didn’t seem to listen to me either. His loss. Before we even finished the first round, Mike walked into the bar and we were ready to go. Jack and I slammed the rest of our beers and hopped into our trucks to head down to La Nortena.

Upon, getting there, we met up with one of their mutual friends, a woman about our age. We began to buy buckets of beer and drank the evening away while eating some dinner.

Somewhere along the line, Mike’s famous shots began to show up at our table. For those of you who don’t know Mike, he has a tendency to concoct the most interesting shots made up of multiple liquors that are usually between 100 and 150 proof. They are always delicious… like a combination of something very tasty and jet fuel.

Finally, darkness descended upon the great Northern Pass and the last of Jack’s friends arrived, a couple who was also about our age. I don’t recall their names but I remember the guy had this SWEET button down KISS shirt with all their faces on it. I was enthralled (and getting progressively drunker as I slammed beer after beer and shot after shot).

9 pm rolled around and the group decided it was time to head over to the show, about 10 blocks away. Upon entering the festival grounds (a blocked off portion of the downtown streets), we were immediately presented with rows and rows of motorcycles. Every man and woman who owned a motorcycle (non-crotch rocket) must have driven it to Texas Ave. that night. I’ve never seen so many bikes in my life.

After walking for what seemed like forever, we reached the end of the motorcycles. Directly after them we saw some motorcycle games being played where a man would drive his motorcycle under a big limbo bar and a hot chick on the back of it would throw a water balloon over the bar and try to catch it. We watched this for a few minutes and quickly learned that the point wasn’t so much to catch the balloon (though that is what the teams had to do to advance to the next round), rather to have the water balloon hopefully land on the woman’s tits and explode, dousing them with water. Fascinating.

But the time was slipping away and we had to get to the stage to secure our seats and our next round of beers. So we left the motorcycle Olympics behind and finally reached the stage at the far end of the festival. The stage itself was actually very small and we were able to get some spots pretty close to the wall that separated the VIP seating from the cretins. Unfortunately we were the cretins. NOTE: Later in the night I convinced one of the women in our party to try to bribe the security guy into letting us into the VIP section. Can you believe that dildo turned down $40 to let 4 of us in? Fucker…

Anyhow, we chatted for a bit while they were setting up for Mini-KISS. I think I eventually made the rest of my party nervous because I kept moving us forward at every opportunity to the point where we ended up standing in a place where we were between the sound board to our right and a bunch of seats to our left. It was at that point that the rest of the crew began to slowly head back to our previous position as I believe we pissed of the lame fuckers that were sitting down behind us. But I stayed my ground. This was festival seating for Christ’s Sake and I’m not about to give up a good standing position so some lazy fucker can sit on a plastic chair. The reasoning for the others retreat finally dawned on me as some cunt behind me said, “EXCUSE ME”. I turned around and she said with a less than polite tone, “Could you move over I can’t see”. So I moved over about 1 inch and turned back around and stared at her for awhile. As predicted, her stupid ass didn’t bug me again because she knew what time it was. You don’t fuck with David while he’s trying to get a good view of Blue Oyster Cult. I’m like a lion marking my fucking territory out there. Little did I know at the time that this encounter, while pretty much a non-event in my mind, ended up setting the tone for the rest of the night. At that point, the mixture of beer and now aggression started a chemical reaction within me that turned me into Big Drunk, Meathead Hillbilly for the rest of the night – or BDMH syndrome.

As the set up of for Mini-KISS dragged on, I realized I needed more beer, a common side effect of BDMH. So I headed back toward the beer tent with drink orders for our entire crew. As I was standing in line, it dawned on me that I was going to miss the opening of the Mini-KISS set because over the dull roar of conversation I heard:

“All right, El Paso! You wanted the best, you got the best! The hottest Little band in the world, Mini-Kiss!”

Following the tell tale KISS opening, were the chords of “Shout It Out Loud”. I thought to myself, “so far so good. They got the opening right.” Immediately after that though, the beginning of my elation turned a bit sour as I heard the vocals for the first time. I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard a midget sing before but I didn’t envision it to be the high pitched warbling that I was hearing. I looked to the stage to see what was going on but the combination of distance, the sound board tent, and intoxication prevented me from seeing anything that could explain the body that this odd sound was emanating from.

I collected our delicious, thirst quenching, 24 ounce beers and quickly hustled back to my turf so I could investigate further.

What I saw was mini-Gene Simmons, mini-Peter Cris, mini-Paul Stanley, and mini-Ace Frehley. Mini-KISS. But that is where the gimmick ended and within minutes I would get progressively pissed at these little motherfuckers.

Even in my drunken state, my mind was still working (albeit slowly). Why is mini-Paul so much taller than the rest of them? Maybe mini-Paul is a dwarf, not a midget? So I concentrated on mini-Paul for awhile until… wait a fucking second! Mini-Paul is a woman! She’s not even a midget woman. She’s full sized! That’s a fucking rip off!

Disgusted, I turned away and started chatting with the group (another woman they knew had showed up as well). After another song or so I turned my attention back to the stage.

That’s when I noticed that mini-Gene was playing a six string. Hmmmm. I hear a bass guitar but mini-Gene isn’t playing it. I guess mini-Ace is playing bass. And as I was turning my head to the other side of the stage I thought, “well if mini-Ace actually plays bass why didn’t he just dress up like mini-Gene… that would have made more sense”. Then my gaze settled on mini-Ace: six string guitar. Hold on a fucking second. I scanned the rest of the stage looking for someone in the shadows playing the thundering bass that I could distinctly hear. Nothing. Then it dawned on me. THESE FUCKING MIDGETS AREN’T PLAYING THEIR INSTRUMENTS! The horror!

I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to sober up. I studied the band even more closely. Well fuck me standing in the rain, mini-Gene is NOT playing that guitar. And mini-Ace isn’t playing his either. He’s riffing solos in a part of the song that is just rhythm. And fuck me, mini-Peter isn’t even playing those fucking drums. He’s not even remotely on beat. Basically, Mini-Kiss was a pre-recording of a decent KISS cover band with a normal sized woman singing real vocals. She was the only one “playing” her instrument (vocals). And she wasn’t even a fucking midget!

I was disgusted. I was betrayed. I spent the ENTIRE next song holding up my middle finger at the band. Fuck them.

But then my middle finger became tired and I realized they weren’t even worth my “fuck you” so I just started drinking again. The freak show wasn’t over, however, because mini-Gene got on the mike and said that we were in for a real big treat because they were going to play their own version of a classic KISS song next. To my horror, mini-Gene’s guitar suddenly came to life for real and the band launched into “New York Groove”.

Let me ask you a question. If you were in a KISS cover band and you were only going to bother learning how to play the guitar part to ONE fucking KISS song… would it be “New York Groove”? For those of you who are not KISS fans I’ll answer for you: NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! That song is fucking stupid. Shit, I’m not even sure it is even a KISS song for that matter… is it really an Ace solo song? This was some horseshit right here.

So here we are, listening to “their version” of “New York Groove”. But wait, it gets worse. Because mini-Gene is playing his guitar (for real), and She-man is singing (for real). But that’s it. There is no other sound. Yet, mini-Peter is “playing” his drums and mini-Ace is “strumming” his guitar. But the fucking sound is turned down on them. How fucked up was this? No more pre-recorded music. Just one guitar playing (poorly) and some fucked up warbling vocals. My mind was blown.

What’s a poor boy like me to do? I started drinking even heavier to drown out this abomination.

I was deep in the throws of my unrecognized case of BDMH by that point and barely noticed that show was finally at an end. One of the last songs they played was “Sweet Child of Mine” by GNR, featuring mini-Ace actually playing the guitar for Slash’s famous opening (mini-Gene was playing make believe again). Figures, mini-Ace can only play one song too and IT ISN’T EVEN A FUCKING KISS SONG!!!!!!!

When their set ended I was booing as loudly as I could and screaming “FUCK YOU” at the top of my lungs. That got a charge out of the audience around me because I think by that time most of them had also realized that we were stood up by the opening band.

Then I got to thinking, I hope NONE of my ticket money is going to these little fucks. Little fucking con artists. BOC better be getting ALL my money. I turned around and realized that there were only going to be about 10,000 people squeezed into Texas Ave. at a maximum. This is far down from the 20,000+ that was at the street festival last year when I saw BOC open for Styx. I began to worry about what BOC would think when they hit the stage. Did they know a fucking little band of con artists that can’t play music was their opening act? Had someone cleared that with them? I was embarrassed on behalf of the city of El Paso. I just hoped BOC could forgive us. The last thing I wanted was for them to say, “Fuck this place” and never come back. Finally, I began to panic: would they even come out on stage at this point? Shit, I couldn’t blame them if they were sitting on a side street, watching that fiasco and decided, “fuck this boys, we’re gone”.

So as my mind was reeling and I was hating on those accursed midgets I didn’t even notice that my crew had led me over to the other side of the audience. It was balls hot where we were standing and they thought it might be cooler more towards the middle of the street. This was the turning point of my night and the final catalyst for what was now a full blown outbreak of BDMH because while I was deep in thought, I met a man who would end up being my best buddy for the rest of the night.

He was 47 years old and from Arizona (I think). He had a little woman up in New Mexico but she couldn’t come down for the show. He was about my height but in much better shape… like he either worked out or he worked good, hard manual labor during the day.

I first met his acquaintance as he was trying to work his magic on the women in our group (he was standing just to the let of us). He’s advances were crude at best and it was pretty apparent to everyone but himself that none of the women were impressed. Even after he invited us to his house after the show to party he could get no takers of the female persuasion. At the time I didn’t question why a man from Arizona had a house in El Paso… I didn’t even question it when he took out his hotel room key later in the night and asked if anyone wanted to go party in his hotel room. But the ladies picked up on it quickly and dubbed him as bad news.

This signal from the women, though, I did get especially after the following conversation:

My new buddy: Hey, I’d like to (fuck) those girls (the ones with me, Jack, and Mike).

Me: I bet!

A few moments later, when his short attention span was distracted elsewhere, I turned to two of the women with us and said:

Me: You know, if you play your cards right you could end up with that guy tonight!

The Girls: (Laughter)

Me: I’m serious, he just told me he wants to fuck you.

The Girls: You’re kidding. He did not.

Me: He most certainly did.

The Girls: (Cackling, slightly nervous, a bit horrified).

It was at that point that I realized I’d have to keep myself between my new buddy and the girls for the rest of the night. No worries.

Somewhere during all this drama, BOC hit the stage. I was pleased that they didn’t just bail on us. That just shows you the kind of stand up guys they are.

They opened with “This Ain’t the Summer of Love” which I thought was strange yet awesome at the same time. After the initial orgasm of rock I realized that Allen Lanier was missing. He is the band’s 3rd guitarist / key board player. There was some slightly overweight, boring looking white guy with bad facial hair in his place. This kind of saddened me because that brought the original BOC number down to just two: Eric Bloom and Buck Dharma. Now, if you were only going to have two left those would be the two you would want, for sure, but still…

In addition, the bass player from last year was missing. In his place was Rudy Sarzo, most famous (in my eyes) for playing with Ozzy for awhile.

But let me tell you, BOC rocked hard, as usual. And all the fuel of beer and hatred of mini-KISS left me in an overly aggressive mood (Ah, the old BDMH). As my buddy and I were sharing stories of how much we loved BOC, something very awesome happened on stage and I ended up punching my buddy in the shoulder as a result. At the time, this seemed like a normal, meatheaded bonding kind of thing. And I was right as my buddy seemed to love it as he returned my punch with a big, old fashioned high five.

So that was the mode of operation for the rest of the show, I would punch my buddy in the shoulder, or grab his shoulders and shake him violently, and he would turn around and give me huge high fives. As the night wore on, my punches got harder and harder but he didn’t seem to mind. We were fast friends.

Song, after song, BOC rocked the crowed out. It was truly a good show (I’ll mention more of it at the end when I post the set list). Mike was desperately waiting to hear “Godzilla” and when it finally came on I swung around and punched him in the shoulder. I think he thought it was a bit odd because our crew is not the meathead type. But he is an old headbanger from the 80’s and I think he had reverted back into that mentality during the show so he didn’t really mind. At one point I tried the same move on Jack, who recoiled in horror as I tried to punch him. Jack is certainly not the meathead type and probably never saw the true West Virginia hillbilly that I am when I’m chocked full of beer and venom. Well, he did that night.

But alas, as quickly as the show started, it seemed to end. Shortly thereafter, I lost touch with my new buddy. Things were moving quickly now as I was to the point in my drunkenness where memory starts to become less than reliable and time moves in strange patterns. We were suddenly back at the bar (which was now closed) and we contemplated continuing the party. But I was tapped out. Between the beer, the heat, all the punching, and getting my ass rocked off I had no more to give.

Another BOC show in the books, complete with massive amounts of beer and rock and roll. It just can’t get better than that.

-David

As promised, here is the set list with a few other thoughts:

1) This Ain’t the Summer of Love
A really interesting choice to open with. At first I thought it an odd choice but quickly realized it was genius.
2) O.D.’d on Life Itself
Fucking awesome song.
3) Burnin’ For You
One of my all time favorites (top 5 for sure)
4) Shooting Shark
Really happy they played this one again this year as last year I had to take a piss during this song. I waited in line for like 25 minutes last year trying to piss. Thank god this song is like 600 minutes long.
5) ME 262
A really nice surprise. Love it.
6) Cities On Flame With Rock And Roll
Probably my all time favorite. FUCKING ROCKED HARD.
7) Golden Age of Leather
Never heard them do this one that I can recall.
8) Last Days of May
Biggest surprise of the concert. I love this song and it sounded GREAT live.
9) Godzilla
You gotta love it. Mike sure does.
10) Don’t Fear the Reaper
The fan favorite. Some knucklehead brought a cowbell with him and fired it up during the song. I wanted to pound that fucktard into the asphalt but he was too far away and I was just too drunk to move.
11) Hot Rails to Hell (encore)
Love the song but this really startled me. This is the first time I can remember that Reaper wasn’t their encore. So they get big points for switching it up. What was even stranger was they let the new Allen Lanier replacement sing the song. I’m not sure why. At the time I wondered if someday Eric or Buck will leave the band and they are grooming this guy to take over the vocal work? Say it ain’t so.

Long Live BOC!

Don't report this, three men said

2007-08-18T00:42:00.000-06:00

First off, I must apologize. August is always a very busy month due to the impending start of the professional football season. There are articles to read, NFL Sunday Ticket subscriptions to secure, and fantasy football research to be done in preparation for late August / early September drafts. That doesn’t even include all the trash talking that must be done.

So I have not been able to concentrate on any kind of writing that is not directly related to the NFL. Since that probably doesn’t interest most people, I try to limit what I publish on that subject in the old blog; That and the fact that I cannot give away any of my fantasy draft secrets prior to draft day.

Tonight, however, I have a few free moments so I can finally mention how fucking lucky I am. You see, Blue Oyster Cult has decided to bless me by coming to El Paso for the second year in a row. It is as if God came down to Earth and kissed me on the tip of my pecker. Last year they played the big 4th of July downtown celebration, opening for Styx. This year, they are again playing an outdoor show downtown but at some sort of Motorcycle and Hot Rod show.

This show was not originally planned in their summer touring schedule so I secretly like to believe that they enjoyed playing for El Paso so much last year they decided to come back when the opportunity arose. That said, I also hope they decided to dig a little deeper into their catalog for this show knowing that we heard all the classics last year.

But even if they play the same show as last year I will be content in having my balls blown off by the wall of rock that is BOC. And I’m very happy about that.

A lot of sun, a lot of bikers, a lot of beer, and a lot of midgets (Mini-KISS is the opening band) ought to blend together to make an incredibly surreal experience. I almost wish I had some mushrooms to ingest before the night begins but then again if I were to do that I doubt I could keep my shit together long enough to even witness BOC in that environment. Maybe its best I stick to my ageless companion, good old, cold beer.

So “Beer’s to you, old amigo”, as Clint and Ray would say. Here is to hoping that your Saturday night is orgasmic as mine.

-David

Let the pre-season begin!

2007-08-05T17:53:00.001-06:00

I’m very excited. In 20 minutes the first pre-season game of 2007 starts and it features none other than the Pittsburgh Steelers taking on the New Orleans Saints.

Since you don’t really watch a pre-season game the same way you do a normal game (the outcome isn’t as important as how your team gels) this is what I’m looking forward to seeing tonight. Or I should say listening to since Time Warner Cable are a bunch of FUCKHEADS and don’t carry the NFL network. Thank god for Sirius satellite radio.

How will the offensive line play? It seems like all the position battles are over but is that true?
What will LaMar Woodley look like? Everyone’s been raving about him so I’d like to see if he can get after the Saint’s QBs.
How will Anthony Smith play? I really want him to start (instead of Ryan Clark).
How will the running backs play? The Pittsburgh Post Gazette is reporting that Kevan Barlow isn’t doing so well in the pre-season so who will be our #3 behind Willie and Najah?
How will the special teams play?
How will Willie Reid look, both on returns and as a wide receiver?
Does it pay to draft a punter in the 4th round? How will Sepulveda (sp?) look?
What will Tomlin’s sideline demeanor be?
And let’s not forgot: Can Deshea Townsend actually hold of Bryant McFadden for the start opposite Ike Taylor? Isn’t Townsend over the hill? Is McFadden a little more mature this year?

Lot’s of excitement to see tonight and I really hope the starting line up isn’t as set as one would think when you read the articles on the internet.

Parting thoughts (what I want to see on the Saints):

What will Reggie Bush do? Will they play him more this year? We probably won’t see much of him or Deuce so tonight probably won’t answer this question. Maybe Deuce will break both his legs and end the suspense of how much time Bush will get this year.
Who will start at WR on the other side of Colsten? Copper? Henderson? Maybe that new rookie Meachem?
Will the Saint’s D improve year over year? How will their LBs do? If the D can play hard this team should be an NFC favorite…

And with that, I need to crack another beer and get ready to go.

Enjoy,
-David

Special Teams

2007-07-28T14:03:00.000-06:00

As training camps across the NFL are getting underway, football journalism has kicked into high gear. After wading through the off months where you are lucky to get more than a couple stories a week, you can now log in to any sports web site and get a couple stories an hour. While I’ll read most articles about anything related to the NFL, I snap to attention when an article about the Steelers comes across the wire.

But much to my dismay, most of the articles about the Steelers this pre-season seem to be about either Ben Roethlisberger or our new coach, Mike Tomlin. I guess I can understand focusing on Tomlin because he is the new coach and it is interesting to see the new system he installs. The fixation on our quarterback is what is beginning to piss me off.

How will Ben come back from a sub-par season? How will he avoid all those interceptions this year? Has he already peaked after 3 seasons? And my favorite: The entire fate of the Steelers season lies on whether Big Ben can bounce back or not.

Were these idiots watching the Steelers last season? I agree that turnovers were possibly the biggest killer of our season last year, but it wasn’t Ben’s turnovers I am worried about. A decent amount of his interceptions were either because the receiver fucked up or he was trying to force long bombs at the end of a game where we really did need that kind of a desperation move to try to win the game. In the latter case, on a couple occasions his long interception on 3rd down ended up being no worse than a punt, which is what we would have done on 4th down anyway. I don’t have tape of all games to go back and study but I bet if you eliminated the interceptions that were due to other teammates or those other desperate situations you’d find that he had a very normal rate of interception.

Ben’s turnovers didn’t bother me last year. The ones that pissed me off were all the ones associated with receivers who couldn’t hold on to the ball and the god damned fumbles. And the single most fucked up part of the Steelers last year was not Ben, but those fucking special teams turnovers.

You see, the national media has missed the boat on the Steelers fall from grace last season. It was special teams turnovers and special teams play in general that broke us. A football team can overcome a lot of things but when you get sloppy special teams play you end up taking yourself out of the game. Bad coverage gives your opponent a shorter field. Bad returns give you a longer field. And motherfucking special teams turnovers are the final killer. You just basically give the team that your defense just stomped a free shot at the end zone. How much of a spirit killer is that to know that you are holding them off and then the momentum changes because you give them 1st and goal or 1st with 20 yards to go.

Football isn’t that complex when you strip it completely down. It is simply a game of ground. All those old sayings about football is a game of inches and it’s won in the trenches are around because they are true. You win a football game by controlling the inches. That’s why the Steelers have had so much success in the past with a power running game. You grind away the clock while you grind away the inches. That wins games. And all that hard work isn’t worth a squirt of piss if your special teams come out and give away all your hard earned field position.

I guarantee that the Steelers would have gone at least 11-5 last year rather than 8-8 if we had even average special teams play. But our horrible special teams directly caused us to lose at least 3 games. Those 3 games are the difference between making the playoffs and giving you a chance to make a run for the Lombardi trophy and sitting at home spanking off in January.

So while all other eyes are on Big Ben or coach Tomlin or maybe even the rookies we drafted my eyes are on special teams this summer. Our season this year will go how our special teams go, not how Ben’s season goes.

That said, last week finally brought my first dose of hope that we will indeed return to glory this year. I picked up on a few articles stating that coach Tomlin is dedicating a large portion of his training camp to special teams. He is apparently scheduling entire sessions in his two a days for nothing but the special teams. He is also playing starters on special teams, which I am a big fan of.

So while the national media doesn’t get it I’m so happy that coach Tomlin does because he is the one that counts. More than ever I have faith that he will do a great job with the Steelers. If he and his staff can actually fix those fucked up special teams, they won’t have to worry about any other aspect of the game. The offense will get the job done. The defense will get the job done. Have no worries there. As long as the special teams doesn’t shoot the team in the foot, we’ll do great this year. And I’m glad to see that coach Tomlin seems to be thinking along the same lines.

So I leave you today, optimistic. We will be back in the playoffs this year. You can take that to the bank.

-David

Chupacabra: Dark Desert

2007-07-22T14:30:00.000-06:00

About two weeks ago, my wife and I were watching a moving on the Sci Fi channel called “Chupacabra: Dark Seas”. It was a compelling tale of a Cryptozoologist named Dr. Pena who dedicated his life to the study of the Chupacabra. The movie started out with Dr. Pena leading an expedition into a jungle in the Caribbean, hot on the trail of the elusive creature. After making quick work of trapping the beast, the good doctor decided to get his booty back to the good old U.S. of A. by purchasing passage on a cruise ship and checking the immense crate containing the Chupacabra as his luggage.

Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men…

Needless to say, two bungling crew members in the ship’s storage hold decided they just had to know what was in the crate. Well, one thing led to another and don’t you know it but they let the damn Chupacabra loose on the cruise ship! And let me tell you, that motherfuckin’ thing just ran around that ship killing both passengers and crew and feasting on their blood. It was surely a gruesome sight to behold and definitely not how Dr. Pena thought the whole cruise was going to pan out!

Did I mention that John Rhys-Davies played the captain of the cruise ship? Well he did. Man alive did he have quite a job on his hands trying to keep his bit titted daughter (the ship’s kick boxing instructor) out of trouble while trying to catch that rascally Chupacabra.

Then all of a sudden it hit me! Shit, I live in a hotbed of Chupacabra activity. If this numbnuts Dr. Pena can catch one why can’t I?

So the next day (and just about every day since then) I walked the 50 yards between my house and the desert and began hunting down a Chupacabra of my own.

Those first days were hard because to be honest I just didn’t know what I was doing. I was basically running around in the desert wearing nothing but a loincloth, wielding a big Rambo knife. Needless to say I never once saw a Chupacabra and my only kill was a lone coyote I came upon who was fucking another coyote. I only got the guy coyote as the girl coyote was able to get away.

Then I hit the internet to do a little research. While I was determined to trap a Chupacabra alive, just like Dr. Pena, and also willing to devote the rest of my life to that quest, I knew that if I wanted to do it in a relatively short timeframe I was going to need all the vast knowledge of the internet. And let’s face it, I’m pretty lazy so if I can trap one in 3 weeks vs. an entire lifetime I’m taking the 3 week course.

I found out that Chupacabra translates to “goat sucker” in English. I gather they like to drink the blood of goats as their primary source of nourishment. That little piece of knowledge plus my natural hatred of goats made it really simple to devise a plan. So I went out to a farm in New Mexico and bought a baby goat named Paolo.

The next night, I had completely redefined my hunting strategy. I was dressed head to toe in black clothes and rubbed my whole body down with my own urine. I wasn’t sure if that would help or not but I figured “why not”? I made a leash for Paolo out of an old piece of clothes line and filled a canteen with enough water for him. My fluid of choice was a 12 pack of Natural Light. The final piece of my equipment was a weapon. Knowing that I wanted to catch the vile bastard alive, I didn’t want a lethal weapon. Granted, I brought along a 12 gauge shotgun for personal protection because I’m not about to go out hunting a bloodsucking freak without a back up plan. If things got too dicey my plan was to just blast that motherfucker into tomorrow. But my main weapon was a big rock. Well, it wasn’t exactly big I guess but more like medium sized. It sort of resembled a football but not quite as pointy on the ends.

Properly equipped, Paolo and I set out for the desert around dusk. From my previous jaunts I had discovered a few good spots to lay a trap for the Chupacabra.

The choice of the night was one of the many arroyos that litter the slopes just below the Franklin Mountains. This particular one had caught my eye in the past because about three quarters of the way up the side of it was a giant rock protruding from the earth. After staking Paolo down in the bottom of the arroyo I scrambled up the side and wedged myself between the rock and the earth. With a clean view of Paolo I began the long wait as darkness continued to creep over the desert. Hour by hour and beer by beer the evening turned into night.

I awoke to the nervous snorts of Paolo. I must have either fallen asleep or passed out (as usual). Checking my watch I found it was about 3:00 am. Thank god I was still drunk and the hang over had not yet started to set in because Paolo was definitely upset about something. I, like the baby goat, could sense that action was imminent. I readied my throwing rock and decided that pissing my pants would help reinforce my urine armor.

I didn’t have to wait long after that before a saw a blur through the blackness of the night and then heard Paolo screaming like a banshee. It was the Chupacabra and it was just as fast as the one in the movie. As it was tearing a hole in Paolo’s throat in preparation for some blood sucking I stepped out from behind my hiding place and hurled the rock as hard as I could toward the melee.

The rock hit home perfectly and connected with the Chupacabra’s head. Unfortunately instead of stunning the beast, giving me time to come down the slope and hog tie it with Paolo’s leash, the rock bounced harmlessly off his thick ass skull. It seemed as if it pissed him off more than hurt him and he swung his gaze away from Paolo’s neck long enough to see me. I thought, “That’s not good.”

By the time I turned to grab the shotgun and then turn back he had already closed the distance between us. As I was raising the barrel he was right on top of me. Before I could pull the trigger he knocked the gun out of my hands. But instead of tearing my throat open like Paolo’s, he picked up the gun. “Oh, that’s just great,” I thought.

A few moments later things started looking up as I realized he didn’t understand what to do with the gun. At least I wouldn’t get shot! Rather, he began beating me with the stock of the gun has he grasped the barrel and kept heaving it over his head. His strikes were so quick there wasn’t much I could do except to get down on the ground and cover my head and balls and try to weather the storm.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. How the hell did I get myself into this predicament? I was down on the bare earth in the bed of a dry arroyo getting beat to death by a shotgun wielding Chupacabra. So I screamed out in anger, “Fuck you, you stupid, mangy cocksucker!”

All of a sudden the beatings stopped. I stole a quick glance up and it was just standing there, its head cocked to one side, staring at me.

“I take offense to that,” proclaimed the Chupacabra. “First, I’m a goat sucker, not a cock sucker. Second, I’m not even gay. Third, I do NOT have the mange. Fourth, I think I’m actually pretty smart. I was near the top of my class, I’ll have you know.”

“Well I’ll be dipped in shit, you can talk,” I exclaimed!

“Of course I can talk,” he said. “And it smells more like you were dipped in piss, not shit. Have you no shame?”

“It couldn’t be any worse than your foul stench, with your stank ass running around the desert and your NASTY blood breath,” I replied. He did indeed smell bad. It was sort of a mix between someone who has the kind of body odor you get when you don’t shower for a few weeks and curdled milk.

“That’s not true,” he cried, “take that back!”

“Fuck you, dickhole, I won’t take it back. Not only is it true but you’re also one ugly son of a bitch,” I stated.

“You take that back, now! My mom is NOT a bitch,” he replied as his voice started to waiver a little bit.

And I swear, just then, he started to cry a little bit. So I kept at him, “She is too. She’s a fucking no good whore who takes it up the ass!”

With that he had taken all he could take. He threw down the gun and started to run back into the desert. He really started to break down at that point so his speed was significantly slower as the heavy sobbing threw off his rhythm.

Like the asshole I am, I kept hollering at him as he ran away, “And you run like a sissy, too!”

As he rounded a ridge the desert was quiet again except for the soft gurgling that was Paolo desperately trying to breathe with what was left of his throat. I walked over to him, picked up my rock, and smashed him in the head a few times to put him out of his misery. Collecting my gun and my empties, I threw Paolo’s corpse over my shoulder and headed home.

While I pondered all that had happened that night, I gutted, skinned, and butchered Paolo in the garage. I had just built a smoker in my backyard and barbecued goat sounded like a perfect way to break it in. I placed all the delicious bits of Paolo on the barbecue grill and stoked the fire. About 12 hours of slow cooking and he’d be ready just in time for dinner the next day.

As the sun was rising in the East, I laid down to bed. I realized that would be my last Chupacabra hunt. I wasn’t so much concerned that he would mortally wound me in the future, rather I just felt sorry for the pathetic little douchebag. In addition, all that late night hunting was really eating into my poker playing time.

That was my outcome. As for Dr. Pena and John Rhys-Davies…. well you’ll just have to watch the movie.

Enjoy,
-David

My day with the trophy

2007-07-18T20:44:00.000-06:00

I can’t remember if I wrote about it before, but this past season I won the fantasy football league I’m currently in. The league known as the TFFL (Teapot Fantasy Football League) is run out of Newell, WV. My team, the Pecos Hillbillies, is the furthest team from the league headquarters but even with all the jet lag my boys managed to lay down a destructive path of whoop ass during last year’s season.

In addition to all the fame and money that comes with being the TFFL champion, there is one other accolade that is second to no other honor in all of sports.

Like the Stanley Cup of the NHL, the TFFL trophy spends the off season with the team until August comes around and it’s time to go into the team’s trophy case to show the whole world who is “The Man”. And spending even a few moments with this legendary trophy is the single most coveted honor on Earth.

As Owner, GM, and Coach of the Hillbillies I chose to take my weekend with the Teapot last… because that’s just the kind of guy I am… so respectful of the team… so giving... Anyhow, let me tell you, its journey through this off season will make all those stories of the Stanley Cup being left by the side of the road and drop kicked into a lake sound like a calm afternoon at Vacation Bible School.

From Donald Driver running cross country nude with the trophy balanced on his head to Rudi Johnson taking it with him on a trip to Mars in a rocket that Billy Bob Thorton made in his backyard. From Marques Colston using it as a tool to single handedly rebuild the entire city of New Orleans to Chris Henry using it to pick up a busload of Jr. High Girls and then turning it into a joint roller for the rest of the night in a remote, Kentucky Holiday Inn. From Maurice Jones-Drew smashing Fred Taylor repeatedly in the knee with it to Kellen Winslow using it to beat a man to death. The trophy’s time with the Hillbillies has been legend.

So what did I do with it for my weekend, its final weekend out on the town until next season’s champion is crowned? Well, as your luck would have it I chose to document all the excitement with the help of ESPN The Magazine. These pictures won’t be released until the 8/6/07 issue but I’ll give you a sneak peek of it today on the blog. Enjoy!

As for this upcoming season, I plan to repeat as TFFL champ and also re-start a league of my own. I think I’m closing in on a good number of people but am always looking for a few more great trash talkers. Knowledge of football is optional. Join if you dare…

NFL training camp starts next week so the long drought is finally over!!!! Thank fucking Christ.

-David

Religion will be the death of us all

2007-07-11T20:26:00.001-06:00

It really disturbs me to think that someone would base their vote during a democratic election in the United States based primarily on the religion of the candidate. I imagine that happens all the time as I figure that is also part of the reason that our current incompetent president was elected (and re-elected).

Why would a person’s religious beliefs have anything to do with their ability to execute the job of being a public servant? Why would their religion make them qualified to do the job?

I assume this kind of person would vote that way because they think other religions are immoral. Or maybe inferior? Inadequate? Or maybe they think our democracy is so weak that one evil person could undermine the entire thing?

I know that last one isn’t the case because Bush hasn’t destroyed the world (yet).

What frustrates me about this is that I feel you should vote for a person based on what kind of a job you’ll think they’ll do. And a person’s religion has nothing to do with their job performance. I work with people of different religions and I’ve never been able to draw any conclusions that one religion is better at doing a certain job than another. I just don’t think you will find any data that can support that.

When I vote for a president in the next couple years I can guarantee you that religion will be very low on the list of things I’m looking at. I really don’t care if the president is a Christian or a Jew. For that matter, I really don’t care if they are a Muslim. Does it really matter? Is a Muslim inferior than a Christian as a leader? Is a Jew?

Maybe it’s easy for me to say this because I have no religion so I can’t really align with any candidate based on that belief. So it naturally would fall to the bottom of my list, yes? But I don’t think so. I was raised as a Christian and I think there is still enough Christian residue in me to understand that just because a person is a Christian does not necessarily make him competent.

In the end, I really think that dangerous thoughts and actions like people equating competency with religion will be the death of us all. Having faith in a higher power is one thing but placing all your faith in a human being just solely based on their religious belief seems mighty risky. Many lives have been lost that way in human history and it is only a matter of time before some fanatic does something that really does end it all for all of us. The ironic thing is that it would probably make a lot of people happy because then they would finally get to meet their maker! Maybe it is a self fulfilling prophecy, that tricky book of Revelations?

As for me? I’m not yet ready to give up on this Earth so I’ll vote based on critical thinking, not my religious beliefs.

Won’t you join me?

-David

Math hates me

2007-07-02T02:33:00.000-06:00

Played some pretty damn good poker tonight. Ended up a big loser.

I guess I'll look at it as paying off the math gods... either my dues were up or I'm about to run very hot.

Either way - I'll always be a winner in the long run playing like I did tonight.

-David

Steelers: Two views on a new coach

2007-06-29T07:48:00.001-06:00

The other day a friend of mine named Fred from back East was visiting. Like me, he is a big Steelers fan so we reflected on the upcoming season.

The problem was that we had two completely different outlooks for Mike Tomlin’s first season as head coach. I believe that making the playoffs is a very realistic possibility. Fred was of the opinion that there was little chance of them making it that far.

It seems the variable that was causing us to disagree so much was the new coach.

Fred thinks things will be far from tight in the beginning of the season with a new coach. New plays, new philosophies, new expectations, etc. will lead us to be out of synchronization and will require a longer period of time before the team gets into a good groove. He’s thinking that by the time we do hit a good stride it will be too late in the season to make a legitimate playoff run.

I think that the new coach will spark excitement and cause the players to work twice as hard in the preseason to be sure that they are ready to go right out of the chute. From what I hear of mini-camps the players seem to be buying into Coach Tomlin’s new way of doing business. In addition, from what I’ve read of the new plans for both defense and offense I’m incredibly excited. Finally, combine that with the players we acquired during the off season and I don’t see why we can’t improve upon our 8-8 finish from last season.

My biggest concern after the draft was running back. But then we signed Kevan Barlow and then re-signed Veron Haynes. While I’m not a huge Kevan Barlow fan, between Najah, Kevan, and Veron I have no problem believing we can have a good back up for Willie if he would get injured.

With that issue finally closed, I move on to my newest concern: The offensive line. It sure doesn’t seem like we’re going to sign Alan Faneca to any kind of long term deal and it also now appears we are not going to trade him. I just hope his anger at the Rooney’s doesn’t cause any kind of disruption within the team during the season. I really think we might be better off just to cut him now even if we can’t trade him. I don’t want any kind of cancer in the locker room. That said, I hope Alan’s not the kind of guy that would resort to that kind of attitude in the locker room but you never know. Why take the chance.

Anyhow, training camp will start in a few weeks and then we can finally see our black and gold in the Hall of Fame game vs the New Orleans Saints on 8/5/07.

So here’s to me being right and Fred being wrong. I don’t recall us making any kind of bet over this disagreement but in retrospect I wish I would have. I really think the Steelers will bounce back from what was a pretty disappointing season last year. And more than even making the playoffs I really just want to be back atop the AFC North. I fucking hate every other team in our division and it makes me sick to my stomach to think any of those fuck-ups would be holding a trophy over our head. Fuck that.

-David

Favorite Songs

2007-06-24T10:42:00.001-06:00

If I had to rank the list of my 4 year old daughter’s favorite songs it would go a little something like this:

1) Our House – Madness
2) Rosanna – Toto
3) Hocus Pocus – Focus
4) Godzilla – Blue Oyster Cult
5) Bombs Over Baghdad – Outkast
6) We’re Not Gonna Take It – Twisted Sister

She’s got quite a taste in music and as soon as she realizes that that Saxon is a great band I’ll view my job as a father complete.

-David

My buddy cop movie

2007-06-20T22:20:00.001-06:00

I’ve got an idea for a buddy cop movie and I’m looking for financial backing. It’s going to star Wings Hauser and Tim Thomerson.

I think I’ll be able to whip out the script this weekend because I’m going to rent Lethal Weapon 1 through 7 and pretty much just rip them off. The only unique twist to my version will be that there will be no Danny Glover part. It’ll pretty much be two Mel Gibson’s. Or maybe a Mel Gibson and a Howlin’ Mad Murdock. Whatever you call it both characters will pretty much be fuck ups.
At least one of them will be a raging alcoholic. At least one of them will be a degenerate gambler. Of course they’ll both need to be divorced since they are cops.

They won’t be corrupt cops…. I’m saving that role for James Woods. I don’t really like him (actually I think he’s a big dick), but I feel bad for him financially since he’s a bad poker player with a fine looking 20 year old girlfriend. So if he runs out of cash his only source of poontang will end up coming from blowing guys for money so he can pay for tranny hookers. Even James Woods doesn’t deserve that fate.

Nick Nolte will play their Sergeant. Or maybe he’ll play the villain. Or maybe he’ll play a tranny hooker? Not sure about him yet.

Also I want to reprise the character of James Rockford so if James Gardner is still alive he’ll have a role. I’m sure he’ll be a train wreck trying to play Rockford at the ripe old age of 90 (or whatever he is) but it’ll probably be the only way I’ll get to use the Rockford Files theme song as the theme song for my movie. And that is my main goal.

After the first movie, I’ll have a sequel that has our heroes going to jail (wrongly imprisoned of course). That will feature a whole new cast of zany characters and also a lot of anal rape.

So that’s about it. If you have any cash and are looking for an investment opportunity let me know.

-David

PS: All kidding aside I really do wish Wings and Tim would get more work. They are fucking studs.

Another test

2007-06-20T21:55:00.000-06:00

Just checking out the format and look... bear with me.

Separate Blog

2007-06-19T20:56:00.001-06:00

This would be my separate blog.

Putting this picture here so I can link my profile to it: