In addition to all the fame and money that comes with being the TFFL champion, there is one other accolade that is second to no other honor in all of sports.
Like the Stanley Cup of the NHL, the TFFL trophy spends the off season with the team until August comes around and it’s time to go into the team’s trophy case to show the whole world who is “The Man”. And spending even a few moments with this legendary trophy is the single most coveted honor on Earth.
As Owner, GM, and Coach of the Hillbillies I chose to take my weekend with the Teapot last… because that’s just the kind of guy I am… so respectful of the team… so giving... Anyhow, let me tell you, its journey through this off season will make all those stories of the Stanley Cup being left by the side of the road and drop kicked into a lake sound like a calm afternoon at Vacation Bible School.
From Donald Driver running cross country nude with the trophy balanced on his head to Rudi Johnson taking it with him on a trip to Mars in a rocket that Billy Bob Thorton made in his backyard. From Marques Colston using it as a tool to single handedly rebuild the entire city of New Orleans to Chris Henry using it to pick up a busload of Jr. High Girls and then turning it into a joint roller for the rest of the night in a remote, Kentucky Holiday Inn. From Maurice Jones-Drew smashing Fred Taylor repeatedly in the knee with it to Kellen Winslow using it to beat a man to death. The trophy’s time with the Hillbillies has been legend.
As Owner, GM, and Coach of the Hillbillies I chose to take my weekend with the Teapot last… because that’s just the kind of guy I am… so respectful of the team… so giving... Anyhow, let me tell you, its journey through this off season will make all those stories of the Stanley Cup being left by the side of the road and drop kicked into a lake sound like a calm afternoon at Vacation Bible School.
From Donald Driver running cross country nude with the trophy balanced on his head to Rudi Johnson taking it with him on a trip to Mars in a rocket that Billy Bob Thorton made in his backyard. From Marques Colston using it as a tool to single handedly rebuild the entire city of New Orleans to Chris Henry using it to pick up a busload of Jr. High Girls and then turning it into a joint roller for the rest of the night in a remote, Kentucky Holiday Inn. From Maurice Jones-Drew smashing Fred Taylor repeatedly in the knee with it to Kellen Winslow using it to beat a man to death. The trophy’s time with the Hillbillies has been legend.
So what did I do with it for my weekend, its final weekend out on the town until next season’s champion is crowned? Well, as your luck would have it I chose to document all the excitement with the help of ESPN The Magazine. These pictures won’t be released until the 8/6/07 issue but I’ll give you a sneak peek of it today on the blog. Enjoy!
As for this upcoming season, I plan to repeat as TFFL champ and also re-start a league of my own. I think I’m closing in on a good number of people but am always looking for a few more great trash talkers. Knowledge of football is optional. Join if you dare…
NFL training camp starts next week so the long drought is finally over!!!! Thank fucking Christ.
-David
-David
7 comments:
Careful holding that thing so close to your exposed junk. Last year, Ed took it to the Hurricane Club in Weirton and it got crabs from a lap dance.
Wait, Dave, when did you win the Stanley Cup?
You spent your day with that trophy like a mangy fuckin dog humpin a possum carcass on the road! Like a damned pussy what doesn't even know the alphabet! If you were a fantasy football GM with his or her salt you would have done some real partying, which would have involved grain alcohol, twenty strippers, and a vial of lamb's blood! Don't make me come down there you sorry piece of excement!
I'm brushing up on my trash talking if you couldn't tell.
Paul - it's no sweat because my crabs were much tougher than Ed's. Mine ate his within the first 20 minutes.
Lou - Keep practicing, man-o... that shit is so weak it barely deserves a response...
David,
You look torn up like a cheap Dallas hooker after spending the night with high school football champs.
Congratulations by the way.
Your pictures are starting to look more like pictures of me, minus the awesome trophy of course. Who punched you in the face, or is that just the world weary look of dark bags under your eyes?
Bud
That's me after the work weak kicks my ass in in a cold blooded fashion.
Fuck it, I already won all my beauty awards now I'm trying to win "Drinker of the Year".
You need to kick the man right back! If someone is living off your back that hard, I'm sure you can find a way to deliberate this stress to a few up-and-comers, and become their manager. I'm sure you've paid your dues by now. Anyway, I still play by my own rules when it comes to business, and if they wring me out, I take my yankee perseverence to a different part of Texas, and demand more money. It works every time!
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